does that make me crazy? possibly

when i was walking in school today i had the sudden urge to title a post with this and write something .. there have been too many emotions to count that have run through my body within a span of 4 days and i feel emotionally drained. i don't really know how to explain myself -- i've called about 4 different people about 4 different times each and each time i've cried enough tears to fill the nile river. i woke up with swollen eyes on saturday and my mom thought it was because i overslept. and i cry, sometimes not just because i am sad, but i cry because i am in love. sometimes i think i am a fool for crying so many tears, because my mom tells me to fight -- be strong, don't cry baby, you have to fight. but when i close my eyes they burn like a million suns. and when i open them it's like waterfalls. being in love was like being in pharmacy, i thought, it hurts so much but it's so worth it. i don't want to turn my back on it. and i think, i am going insane. but what is love without madness? what is love without pain? it's like, what is good without evil or sadness without joy? someone i love is hurting. and when someone i love is hurting, i hurt also. because all i want is for them to be happy. all i want is to take away the pain. i want to be like MYMP so "tell me where it hurts" and i'll do my best to make it better. and then when i can't do anything i feel helpless and sad because .. someone i love is still in pain. is still hurting. some people say it is not worth to be in something that continues to hurt because you are only causing yourself more pain. but i would cry a million more tears to know that someone still loves me. i would cry a million more tears to know that someone i love is going to be okay. mary says that i should be strong enough to let go, but i don't know if i am. because i am scared. i want to hold on so tight and never ever let go. instead, i want to hold on.. i want to hold on and fight for my love. i will not just turn around and let go. i will not give up on it. even though people are like, leave it up to chance. but chance doesn't always do anything. i want to fight for my love. i want to have a say in this matter. and then i feel like crying because again, i am in love. i am so scared to lose something so important to me. something that means a lot to me. no, i will not lose it. i refuse. i am holding on. i am waiting, as impatient as i am, and i will be here, and fight for anything that needs fighting for. i will not leave. i can't make promises, you don't want me to make promises to you because you think that i am only staying because of a promise. i am staying because i love you. i don't know what words i should be saying. i know i usually say the wrong words, however with the right intentions. or i say the wrong words because i am wrong anyway. but i am trying my best to be strong. for you and for me. i am trying to be strong for us.