the silence hurts my ears

yeah so, even though it's summer, my entries in here have been kind of sporadic.. i check it everyday, but yet, i never really have much to say .. work's been -- work.. pretty chill and all, sometimes i think i should work like 40+ hours a week because the hours i work aren't keeping up with my illustrious spending habits. the ironic thing is, i don't really buy anything but food and gas. and the occasional, movie ticket here and there. either that, or i should really stop going out. haha. but that's what summer is about, having fun and being young .. er, growing up too, yeah, something like that. today, though, i'm staying home, doing nothing, wasting away just like i planned, but the silence in my house is killing me. once again the parental units are giving the 'let's ignore our daughter to teach her a damn lesson' trick.. but mary told me to just "aye so" it, because they will have to get over it eventually. i think. well, whatever .. what i said or didn't say isn't the worst thing, for crying out loud, i didn't even go swimming .. no reason to freak out on me like this. i wasn't lying, goodness gracious. but fine, be cranky, ugh. compared to other kids my age, i'm pretty damn good. but since i'm a proper friend, i'm not gonna say shit because that's not right either. i just hate how my good mood always gets killed when i come home. but then again, didn't i want to get yelled at? didn't i want to get in trouble? mmmm .. i guess so, but who knows anymore. i'm lonely once again, but i just want to stay home. and do my philosophy ..? probably. i can't believe that summer session is over already. it went by so freakin fast, 5 weeks gone, just like that. and i'm leaving for las vegas in about 3ish weeks, that's some pretty crazy shit too -- i think i need to get some things before i leave .. trying to make a list, but maybe i'll just buy it over there instead to save myself the trouble of packing .. hehehe. but other than the deafening silence in my house right now, the big picture is pretty rosy. which makes me feel pretty good -- it's nice to be content with your situation instead of always wishing something would happen. i've been busy, and all .. and i miss my friends .. but you know, we have to be grownups and work. and even then, i don't know if i'm ready to be a grownup. 4 years, maybe? maybe. big maybe. i just know that i have my plan for after i graduate -- i plan on moving out. forreals. i think about it every once in a while, moreso when i get in trouble and my short ass leash gets yanked -- hell yes, i am moving out and being on my own for a while. i need to learn how to fend for myself. i told it to my mom and she made me feel like a guilty piece of shit:

mom: why are you going to move there? that's so far away.
me: it's not that far away. it's like an hour.
mom: [pauses]
me: what?
mom: nothing, it's like you're abandoning me.

sure mom, i'm going to abandon you. what the hell?! who says that to people. only my oh so eloquent mother, because she really knows how to make me feel like crap. all the time. all the time! man, f*ck that man .. well hopefully, things will be okay -- i don't know how to break it to her that charles was invited for tomorrow .. i have to, before tomorrow .. hopefully, she will not give me a dirty look. what is up with people these days .. goodness. oh yeah, i saw superman yesterday and it was pretty good. pretty long, but good too. i guess i should really get cracking on my philosophy homework soon .. my final is on wednesday and all .. and plus, i still have homework to do and stuff like that. man, i feel kind of drained. oh yeah! happy 4th of july too in case i don't write another entry between now and then. lol, i still don't have much to say. oh yeah, those icons that everyone has around are really fun to make. i made some of my own too. but mine are more for me and, yeah. i wonder where mary is .. she always knows how to put me in a good mood. i'm so blah i don't even feel like eating either. just going to sleep and hopefully waking up and maybe everything will be better again. will it? sigh .. sigh .. SIGH. well i am done rambling. till next time loves.

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie: i hope you get my package soon. long days yay!
marielle aka shmelle: awwww! of course dear i love you too! take care in massachusetts!
eddie: haha yeah, the best times are the ones i always get in trouble for. =)