kindness is timeless

hello everyone .. so i guess since memorial day weekend is over, my summer has unofficially begun. actually, it officially began after the semi-formal, lasted 2 weeks, and is unofficially ending tomorrow. haha. i start summer school tomorrow, and work too, and tomorrow i'll be all over rutgers for a record, 13ish hours. what the hell ..

anyways, for the past 2 weeks that i've been off, yeah, it's been some great times. =) i was so excited, for the first time, i FINALLY drove to the number 1 party town of middlesex county, and the home of my number one ultimate the best in the best homie/homeslice in the world christine! lol. it was pretty sweet. i have been waiting for this moment ever since i got my license about 2 or 3 years ago. this is big for me man! MAN! lol. i was so happy i was probably happier than people who won the mega millions lottery here in jersey. [oh man, what i wouldn't do for that much cheese.. but anyways!] yeah so, i've had some history with sayreville .. a good amount, especially for someone who doesn't even live there .. and i guess it was time to bring everything full circle with my ability to finally drive there with no restrictions from my dear old parents and of course, with mary riding in the car as my faithful passenger and navigator. it's one step towards completion -- you know, where i get to drive there by myself. haha. and as promised, with the advent of my very first time driving to sayreville legally, we of course had to have a celebratory party with my homeslice complete with cake, candy, and other yellow items. haha. when i look at it sometimes, it's funny to have to grow up in steps .. but i guess that's the way everything had to be done, according to some demented plan .. but who cares, maybe i wasn't emotionally ready to drive there back in the day. maybe it was right to wait. maybe i would have done something stupid a couple of years ago had i been able to drive there. or not.. and i guess i'll never know. lol. it was nice to chill out in my homie's house .. i'm finally making up for all the times she drove to edison by herself to come and visit me. lol. and maybe sometime soon, we'll have the real big party. it wasn't as big as planned because i forgot the balloon. haha ..

aside from that, i've really gone out more in these past 2 weeks than i probably did all last summer. haha. movies, movies, eating, being a semi-mallrat, spending money left and right .. wow, this broke ass ho can not afford to keep up this pace for the whole summer. haha. and gas is pretty pricey .. it eats up like half my paycheck, and doesn't get me as far as it used to .. holy shiet man, i don't want to let stupid gas prices kill my vacation. then again, i'll be in summer school .. and then vegas .. so the real summer fun kicks in around august. keep that in mind kids! haha. and .. i guess .. remind me to .. say what to say. especially to my mom. she's a crazy lady sometimes .. joke. lol. and now that it's summer .. it's time to hook up with the family. i miss my family .. being in college and them being .. whatever age they are, it's hard to hook up and have stupid moments like we used to. i had one last friday .. it was pretty nuts, and i felt pretty old, but hey .. that's what comes with being the .. er, oldest-ish? and i hang out with the older heads and i feel young and underpriviledged .. oh 21 .. that's the golden age, huh? haha. but, my fun times fun times are screeching to a halt for right now .. because of summer school and work. oh man, it's so frickin hot in my house. man jersey weather, thanks for blasting heat in my face. i could really use a hose sprayed in my face or something. or have a water fight .. water fights are fun .. mmmmm ..

hmmm .. yeah .. i feel like i have stuff to say here but i don't even know where to begin with it. there's this part of me that feels like i'm addicted to crack cocaine or something or i'm on this demented path to .. something. i don't even know where this path leads to. i feel pretty demented right now .. this is more confusing than school .. what the hell! anyways .. maybe i'm just tired and irritated. who knows .. i have issues .. wow .. maybe i'm just overanalyzing things. because, maybe i'm just freaking out. which is bad. because if i continue to freak out, i might mess up something really good. and i don't want to do that. i learned from my mistakes about 4 years ago. i don't want to go down that path again. because .. after everything i think about, after everything i put myself through .. freaking out, and trying to match everything with my unbelievably high expectations .. i forgot to just be happy with what i have and with everything that has happened to me. after all of my mixed emotions, i still keep coming back for more. maybe that's the key. the fact that i still keep coming back for more. it's like hope showing me that, this is why i can't let this go. it's like my crack cocaine.. in a good way, of course. i can't even explain it! all i know is that .. at one point, you just look into a pair of round brown eyes, and that's it. i'm done. i melt. the fck man .. :scratches head: usually i don't post song lyrics, but i felt like, this is the way to best express things .. maybe? maybe not. or i could be getting ahead of myself..

I feel like you're the only one
I feel this loneliness undone
And I just can't see myself
Without me in your arms
If I had one last sunset to see
One day, one last deep breath to breathe
No tears would fall, knowing that you're… all i need

okay i'm done

511 ♥


<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; awww thank you! =) i'm glad i inspired someone. yay. ^_^
joe aka jopapa; mmm yay sushi .. yay ..
christine aka the homie; yay i'm glad you liked my entry. i knew my shoes would come in handy .. haha .. thanks for listening to my rantings and for being the clarity i always need. i love you too phenom! =)

no matter what you do

[may 17 2006]

eddie (12:19:30 PM): u have the best... blog...ever...... period
angelica (12:19:48 PM): awwwww thanks! =)
angelica (12:20:12 PM): i am going to save that and put it in my next blog when i write it
eddie (12:21:07 PM): haha
eddie (12:21:10 PM): no im serious
eddie (12:21:14 PM): its always so interesting and u write very well
angelica (12:21:25 PM): :flattered: =) ^_^

well, first i have to dedicate this entry to my 2 friends eddie and joe; because they always like reading my blog and ask me about it. espeically joe, he's waiting for my update. lol. sometimes i fail to realize how many people actually read this stuff.. you never really know the true number because not everyone leaves comments and lets you know that they came .. maybe they're shy to let me know how many times they actually visit. haha. i'm flattered, and you don't have to be embarrassed to care what i have to say. i really appreciate your visit. =)

anyway, this past week has been, well.. good, relaxing, boring, exciting, unsure, slightly tense.. just a mixed bag of oxymoronic feelings that i don't even understand anymore. as you can see, over there, i have a good number of sneakers. haha i know i'm being captain obvious right now, but when i was talking to my friend eddie he told about his project that he was going to do about shoes and stories and i thought that maybe i could use all these lovelies to explain and describe what i've been feeling, going through, thinking about .. and etc.

at first glance, what would you say about me? looking at the shoes i've put on, does it seem like it's been an easy road? does it seem like, maybe, if you took a walk in my shoes, you could do it .. maybe, somehow, they'd fit you too and maybe they'd match your pink on pink outfit to a T. or maybe my shoes are too tight on you and you can't handle it. maybe you need something more scandalously high that shows off your newly pedicured toes .. or maybe you need something a little more laid back and free. true, my shoes are still kind of new. but also, they're pretty broken in. maybe they're new because i care a lot about my shoes and i take care of them. or maybe they're new because they haven't gone anywhere to let them get dirty. to compare, my friend eddie, he has this pair of really really broken in shoes that he loves so much. they have holes in them and they definitely have been on the verge of replacement. but through it all, through looking at his shoes, you can tell that he's been places. you can tell that he's experienced the world and grown up. maybe, he's outgrown his shoes and needs a new fresh one to start on his new chapter in his life of graduating and stuff like that. looking at my shoes, my shoes haven't been beaten out enough .. maybe it's a sign that i haven't gotten all i needed to get out of life yet. but am i really ready to face what i've been meaning to face for the past couple of years? is it time for me to grow up and strap on the stilettos? everytime i think about facing it, i get scared in my bones. everyone knows, that, being me, living in these shoes, it's not easy sometimes. maybe i'm resisting the change. is it that i just want to take my pink asics and run? run, like i've been doing .. or is it time to take a stand for what i want. but then again, i don't even know what i want. in all honesty and fairness, i prefer my pink asics to a sexy pair of stilettos on a normal given day. they've never let me down and have gotten me to where i've needed to be ever since i got them. i love them to death. but the stilettos, you know, they scream the inner pussycat doll in me. the one that has the ability to just put shit and do the crazy thing when i'm out. i've gone so long picking and choosing all the different shoes of life that i don't know where to go right now.. thinking that, with these pair of shoes, it'll be different .. but since they're all dunks, am i just staying the same? is it time to move on? everyone tells me that it's time to have it out and just fight it out so that i get the freedom and opportunity to make mistakes and fun that i rightfully deserve. the freedom to trip and fall over my laces and step in mud and walk on sidewalks that i've been meaning to walk on. the chance to leave my shoeprints in places i've always wanted. but with the freedom comes the responsibility .. and somehow i feel like i'm ready, but are my parents? how do i get over this culture clash? [i put a pair of tsinilas here; hope it shows hahaha] so if you wore my shoes, could you understand? would you be able to stand in them and comprehend everything that i have come to just, respect..? these filipino shoes represent all the tradition that surrounds me everyday. i have grown to fear asking my parents things at times because i feel like i might just be wasting my time if i'm just going to get a couple of lame excuses which equate to no. or, make me feel so guilty that i try and convince myself of a no. i know, i've written time and time again about this.. and yes, the situation has gotten better as i've gotten older .. i keep thinking that maybe i won't have to face the confrontation and i'll just be able to do my thing. my mind's just a mess.. haha.. and for the first time, i don't think getting a new pair of shoes is going to fix it. i wish my parents could stand in my shoes for a day or 2. i mean, my mom wears my old nike cortezes around, but i don't think she's that great at empathizing where i've been. she straight up told me that she's really conservative and traditional and all. maybe i just need to put on these shoes and run. better yet, just drive away. haha. so where am i gonna go? i don't even know anymore. i know my shoes and i have been places .. places that i wasn't supposed to be at .. and looking at some of them now, they carry the memories for me and never have to say a word. in the end, i guess, maybe that's what really matters. i don't want this conflict, i'm really bad at having to deal with it. but who knows, maybe that's my option. just work with it. everything isn't as complicated as it seems. just like white dunks. they're not complicated. right? wow, where am i going with this now? haha. everything will be okay, i'll just tell myself, and my sneakers will still be clean. hooray. i think i just want to go out and stand in the sun with a pair of my shoes.

i went out last friday and had a good time. haha. i even got to eat outside for the first time.. i always wanted to do that, and even though i was kind of freezing, it was really nice. yay. =) sometimes, my parents surprise me with the leniency they have with me .. which is partially what makes this situation really delicate. because, part of me doesn't have as much of a case to present now because they say that 'well, you can't complain about not being able to go out because we let you go out.' and then, i'm out, and the rules aren't there to scare me anymore .. because there's no one to tell me no. that's what my best friend jackie was telling me .. it's like, there's no voice to tell you no sometimes, and you think you know everything, but then realize the stupid things you were doing that you didn't think you could do but did and now you're learning from it all. argh, something like that. haha. if i'm lucky .. maybe i'll get to drive this weekend. and go to a party. yes? no? geez, i think i need to keep myself occupied again so that i don't think about things. it really helped this morning because i just cleaned the kitchen. haha.
now, on a less complex and enigmatic note, i'm glad the weather has finally stabilized within the past couple of days. the sunshine really does make me feel better .. clear my mind .. and just brighten things for me. summer session starts in about a week for me .. and i kind of want to enjoy this fantastic weather. i don't really have any plans.. maybe it's time for me to be slightly spontaneous and take lovely joyrides with mary and whoever wants to come. yes, gas is high, but come on. let's enjoy life, as my dad would say. =) i miss my friends. i haven't seen them since school .. and i'm getting kind of lonely. going to asian food and etc. can only get you so far. haha. well anyways, i think i'm tired of writing. sorry if my entry didn't make a lot of sense. it always sounds more comprehensible in my head. okay lovers and friends .. till next time

<3 to:
jackie; oh you know i can't wait until las vegas. i'm too excited =D
joe aka jopapa; i think she's really poison now. haha.
eddie; thanks! =) yeah, the semi was pretty short. don't worry, i'll keep writing for a long time. keep reading too ^_^

let me

wow, so, yeah, as is in summer tradition [not that it really differs from my weekly or even day-to-day traditions of sleeping a little too late hahaha] i am beginning to write my blog at 12 midnight in the AM while i play some iTunes that i just wasted from the 15 free ones jenn hooked me up with when she booked the tickets to las vegas for continental. sweet. i could have easily wasted all 15 on the new sergio mendes album .. but nah that's okay, i only got 2 songs from it. haha. and i have 9 more to go .. so .. does anyone have any suggestions? teeheeh. well anyways, as you can see, i'm way overdue for an update, it's been 2 weeks since i wrote.. and for good reason too, i was studying for exams and had a pretty hectic week after that.. since i last wrote. after rutgersfest, we had the last day of class and reading days, which i used to, er, well, go to my orgo review, and study, and etc.. and somehow between the friday of rutgersfest and the thursday after, some sickness caught up with me, and i ended up with a fever of 102 degrees on that friday. yeah, so much for studying, i was pretty assed out trying to break the fever and get better. yeah because it was 80 degrees outside and tell me why i was feeling cold. as in, wearing a sweater in the 80 degree weather. yeah, them chills got me forreals. but it's okay, i got better just in time to do my 3 days of cramming for my 3 days of exams .. my last love affair with orgo was horrible -- we spent a whole night together and i forced about 80+ mechanisms and etc. into my brain for a 3 hour exam. shit, if i ever wanted to know what hell was truly like, it came in the form of organic chemistry and systems physiology exams. holy crap. but that's okay, i'm alive, surprisingly, although i believe my performance was less than stellar after those 2 days, and i was seriously considering summer school and praying really hard and having the biggest feeling that, you know, maybe i'm going to fail out of pharmacy school for reals this time. but, i guess GOD has other plans, and one of them involves staying in pharmacy. so there we go.. i get my grades, and happily report that i didn't get any C's this semester. WHOA! i didn't think it was humanly possible for me, but i guess, this gives me hope that i'm not a failure at life. hooray! and i would like to thank GOD, my mom, my dad, sam, gillian, carissa, phil, christine aka chrissy, divya, and of course, charles, for getting me through this crappy experience and making it better. =)

so, as part of my celebration, and though it was before i got my grades and knew about all this, i just had to make a new purchase of dunks. yes, a little retail therapy for yours truly to alleviate the pain of taking difficult exams. yes, those are the classic, white on white on white dunks with the wide white skater laces presented by teddy bear, ahaha. they are fresher than freshy freshmen and clean and yes. i just love them to death, i've been waiting so long to get a pair of just straight up white on whites since i got involved with the whole dunk thing. and now, i want another pair.. but alas, i'm going on vacation and kind of need to cut back on sneaker spending so i can blow off all my money over there in vegas. oh man, i'm so excited to actually be travelling outside of the tri-state area for the first time in 4 years. 4 years, people! it has been a very long time and i want to take this vacation before pharmacy chains me to new jersey and tells me that i'm not allowed to plan for vacations because of the stupid summer classes that i'm required to take. UGH SLAKJpa03wu5a;lwkgj, i'm just a tad bit pissed. haha. RU screw, like all the time.

oh yeah! so, since it's the end of the year, it was also the RAPS semiformal this past thursday. it was pretty funny that they held it in victorian manor.. and i was pretty sooped that i actually drove myself there, i felt like such a grownup. yay. it was weird to see all these people that i felt like i should have seen or known about in high school .. and to see a buttload of people i went to highschool with at the semiformal.. like whoa.! it was like a sweet sixteen except it wasn't anyone's birthday and everyone was getting way drunk. the bartender was mad crazy good that he could mix all those drinks .. and all i asked for was a sprite and a shirley temple. vodka cranberry, kiss my non-alcoholic sober ass. hahahaha .. but it was pretty fun, dancing with the drunk people, lol jk, and releasing all the tension of exam week and partying the night away. yeay! one can only wait for the next edition of partying for me. after all, i am pretty broke. haha.
well, of course, some random shots of the party to give you a feel of the atmosphere. yeeeaahh

party people =]

sexy ladies

and well, that's basically it. hahaha. and now, it's summer, and i'm pretty lazy every day.. you get so busy so fast when school starts, you long for a day off, and when summer comes, it hits you-- wow. you have nothing to do and there's no pressure .. so fast. and then, the boredom comes because you don't know what to do with yourself. haha. so anyways, i plan not to have a boring summer, but the only problem is that i don't have any money. lol. oh yeah did i mention, i'm going to be working at the computer lab over the summer? yay. a source of income! lol. but of course, this source of income can't come soon enough .. i'm already on break and in need of fast cash! haha. too bad i can't just win the lottery .. darn it ..

and and and, summer classes start may 30th. my last step before i'm an official 3rd year. hooray for intro to philosophy .. i hope this intro class doesn't suck, because for some reason i totally suck at intro classes. lol.

shit, i always forget what i have to say when i sit down and type this up. man! that's okay, when it comes back, i'll type it .. especially since the frequency of entries for me will probably increase since it's summer. maybe like everyday. maybe not, i got work son. hahahaha. okay bye .. i'm off to do .. nothing. =) good bye lovers and friends

<3 to:
joe aka jopapa; i keep hearing 'poison' like all the time now. lol. i still want some candy. summer candy. mmmmmm
bestfriend jackie; oh man .. 'can i ask yes or no questions?' hahahahaha .. =D you're the best. i am definitely writing a letter to you soon.
eddie; thanks for the motivation! you were right i did pretty okay. =) and yes, my camera was aware of your face again.. i just realized when i posted up my semi pics. lol.
star; thanks for stopping by! my finals went by pretty okay. =)