no more torino

and so my beloved olympics is over! yesterday was the closing ceremony for the XX winter olympics in torino .. and i kinda missed the closing ceremony partly because i had filipino studies class and rcdt practice last night. but oh wells .. some things just have to take priority .. ahahhaha .. i just feel kind of sad that now i don't have anything to watch on tv. something about the olympics every 2 years just makes me so happy and i just watch them all the time. summer just gets crazy because the summer olympics are about a month long i think. and the winter ones were only 2 weeks .. i miss the olympics! it was so beautiful! tear* well, there's always 2008, then i get to watch the olympics in beijing in china! i wish i could go! oh man that would be so much fun. but anyways, yeah! so i feel like i've been due for an update for a while now it's just that i've been too lazy to actually update and say anything worthwhile. lol. things have been pretty hectic all around town .. especially with battle of the barrios coming in about less than a week. actually, 6 days. WHAAAAT!? lol. yeah.. that's what i'm sayin. oh man .. well, we're trying to outdo what we did last year .. which according to a many people [even the jealous ones, at that`;P] said that it was pretty frickin buckwild. =D [yeah son!] well hopefully it will be even more buckwilder, and fabulous-er .. and we'll just win again. just because we're the host school doesn't mean we can't win either .. he he he .. so i guess this will just be my own version of the winter er, spring olympic filipino dancing games. haha. okay guys! pray that survive this week of orgo quizzes and lab reports. =] though it's weird .. i feel like i should be more psyched about this .. and even though i sound really excited when i type all this junk in my weblog .. maybe i'm really just typing it to make myself feel better and to .. hear [or is it read?] myself talk. maybe it's all the stress of everything .. who knew 15 credits could be so tiring. plus, i got another email from the computer lab asking if i still wanted to work for them. the more they email me [especially for the fact that it's been weeks past the deadline] the more i keep thinking about taking the job. [i think it's some kind of psychological ploy. haha] but money is good .. and i keep doubting if i could handle it because i'm already tired without a job as it is and practicing and studying and lab reports and anything .. i don't know how i can even fit it all. lol. plus! i need time to relax GEEZ. haha. but money brings me one step closer to this:

wow it's pretty frickin awesome. it's an ibm thinkpad! yeeeheee! i've been wanting to get a laptop .. mainly because everyone has one [ahh the peer pressure. lol] and plus, the comfort of availability whenever i need to type something or whatever with online notetaking would be pretty sweet. i'm still debating this too .. this model is about $1,099.00 online .. and yeah, i'm kind of lacking 1 G in finances. but we'll see .. who knows .. maybe i don't really need a laptop after all until maybe i get to 5th or 6th year. only time will tell ..

but anyways, that's about the end of my entry. haha. oh yeah! if you want the complete info about battle of the barrios click on my xanga cuz i put the public service announcement there. =)

ps./ credits to aol sports and the lenovo website for the pics. haha

<3 to: tim; yes! everything is well =)
marielle; oh yes, we are so going `;D
renee; haha thanks for the compliment.. and yes, i'm 19. =]
a star; lol, yeah the flying tomato is my favorite. =) thanks for stopping by!

the end!

flying tomatos and snow

[click to enlarge] well so i was you know, sitting down, bullshitting around like i usually do .. and look out my window! can you see that snow! holy geez there's like 2 feet out there! i was tryna help my mom shovel the driveway .. but yeah i'm a weakling and i didn't get very far after an hour. that snow's brutal man! why couldn't the snow go to italy in the olympics because i'm sure they need the snow a lot more than we do here cuz you know heller! rutgers isn't gonna cancel school i don't think this snow is enough and it didn't come at the right time because it's the weekend! but then again, not like anyone's really gonna plow there .. oh wells .. i guess i'll just have to see tomorrow, i still have to finish my dumb lab reports and study for my exams that i've been putting off ever since the crazy orgo exam finished. lol. but would you look at that snow! oh man. it hasn't snowed this hard since i was in st. matthew's, back when i got a whole week off from school because of the snow. crazy! imagine if rutgers gave us a whole week off .. nahh. lols! so i got to stay home and do nothing and sleep and watch the flying tomato in the olympics! oh man, something about the olympics and tv and gold medals just makes people so hot. wow .. shaun white is hot. snowboarding is hot. HOT, son! lol, if he hit on me with his hot gold medal dude i would so be a groupie. ehehehe! that gold medal will definitely get the chicks. oh man, i want to go to the olympics. maybe i'll go to china to go to the olympics! or vancouver! so i can see the flying tomato again! or whatever! wow i really love the olympics. it's funny how there's like people from british virgin islands participating in the olympics with some oldie lady doing the luge as her sport and she's the only athlete .. hells yeah, i wanna be the athlete for the philippines, snowboarding or something or doing the skeleton or the luge! yeah! that would be hot i could get on tv and everything. ^_^ oh wells .. tomorrow's another day for olympics so i can be a fan of another person. like yesterday i was a fan of the speedskating guy chad [i forgot his last name lol] but he was hot he won a gold medal! way cool too! but sad, michelle kwan is out. she was so good, but just not good enough. sure she didn't win the gold but you know you remember her more than what's-her-name .. tara lipinski and sarah hughes. who cares about them! hahaha .. but good luck to emily hughes, she better win something or else it would be a waste. but then again, that just would show that michelle kwan was just the bomb! oh wells .. even though she lost, and apolo ohno lost, at least the flying tomato shaun white won. so yeah! i wish i had more to say, only that it sucks that it had to snow on vday, now i can't even wear my cool shoes anywhere but in buildings because the snow will just mess them up. argh! oh wells .. too bad .. haha .. i guess this is the end of my entry because i am going to sleep. or should i finish my lab report .. or study .. or bullshit around .. hehe i think i'll go with the last one. well good night everybody! =)

ps.// the silver medallist danny kass is from jersey! woooo he rocks! and look at the finnish guy. ahahaha .. .
pps.// props to nbcolympics.com for the pics. yehey! =)

<3 to: gillian and marielle for their long inspiring comments on my other blog. thank you i love you! =)

don't forget to breathe

you know.. for as far as i can remember .. with everything i've done people have always reminded me, "don't forget to breathe!" when i was learning how to swim at the Y the swim instructor would teach us how we needed to breathe to our side when we were learning the freestyle. when i used to take voice lessons [yes, a little known fact about angelica: she used to be a singer. haha] my voice teacher JP would always tell me, "don't forget to take a breath here." and when i was in orchestra, the conductor would remind the string instsruments, "don't forget to breathe with the wind section" -- something about how it would make us all come together on cue. and then when i was on the track team i would be running and running with my teammates and the coach would see us and would tell us, "don't forget to breathe! in through your nose! out through your mouth!" and through all of those moments .. you're made aware of some unconscious process that you usually take for granted. were i really not breathing? because i thought about it and if i really wasn't breathing then i'd probably be dead. i guess they were just trying to remind me to relax and stay calm.. versus hyperventilating, panicking, and/or missing my cue. lol.
even though it's only been the first couple of weeks of the semester, i feel like i'm suffocating already. every day i just keep going through the classes and i don't know where to take my breath of air. it's like the time i took this long dive into a pool on vacation one time.. and i look up through my googles and i see the surface of the air -- it's so close .. but those couple of seconds that i'm under water are the longest seconds of my life because i can feel the need to get some oxygen. every semester i think that .. maybe this semester will be okay and maybe it'll be the one where i'll chill and have a good time. but i just go and go and there are moments where i just want to break down and cry.. cry and tell them that maybe i've had enough for today .. let's come back when i'm good and ready again. but there seems to be no time when i'm good and ready. there are days when i'm by myself studying at home and i sit there at the table .. and i realize how much stuff i have due that week. and it hits me .. hits me like a brick or like a gunshot in the air -- i'm overwhelmed. and i don't know what to do .. i don't even know if my time management skills are effective enough .. if i'm studying hard enough, if i'm paying attention enough, if i've learned enough to competently pass my exam with flying colors and correctly run the procedure of my lab .. and i have the sense of panic come over my body and give me a massive headache that tylenol couldn't cure.
and then i wish for a break -- i wish to get out and do something .. anything, really, just to relieve the pressure. but at the same time i feel guilty .. guilty that i could have used the time to study some minute thing that i might have missed. this week was the whole, rush week of the greek organizations at rutgers. and it made me think of how uninvolved i was at school. but at the same time .. the panic comes and i think that it wouldn't be feasible for me because i need to get this grade and maintain this GPA. people in college tell me that the GPA doesn't matter as much anymore .. just passing is all you need .. just passing is hard enough. but something internally built inside of me is screaming to get that A, encoded deep within the depths of my brain. i want straight A's in college .. i want to be able to prove it to myself that i'm still the same academically capable person i was in grammar school and high school. and yet, with all of this drive and desire to be at the top, i still lack the motivation i'm looking for. i don't know what's throwing me off more in my quest for academic superiority -- the heaviness of my 4 day schoolweek, or the massiveness of this stupid 2-credit lab class that i fear every day of the week.
i guess with everything going on in school in pharmacy maybe i really do need a break. and i think i need a reminder that i really am smart .. i mean, i got into rutgers pharmacy, didn't i!? and i still have my scholarship, don't i!? i'm just scared that everything's going to get the best of me, and i really don't want that to happen. i don't know what to do with myself anymore .. i feel like a part of me is getting ripped to shreds. or maybe i just need a hug. lol. and another pineapple smoothies from i's cafe ..

ps.// i love my new weird valentine's day sneakers. =)
pps.// i don't have a valentine. =[ (with the exception of my friend tim, who designated himself as the official friend-valentine. lol.)
ppps.// another happier update soon. ^_^

<3 to: kicksaholic, who left me a comment on another entry; marielle, who i am going to take clubbing when she's legal; and jackie, my best friend who thought of filipino-cultural-dancing-inspired lingerie. hahaha ..

peeeeeeace lovers. =)