as my youth continues to waste away ..

.. i'm sure that most of you on winter break have done something productive with all of your lives. haha. me, not really, with the exception of going to new york city [scroll down for previous entry] and random trips for ice cream with mary, trips to the mall [window shopping, of course], random useless trips with my parents to useless places, and hanging out with my cousin jenn .. i have been slowly wasting away my youth [and my break] sitting at home doing nothing. you can even ask gabe .. he talks to me in his boredom in 8th period to try and alleve my boredom sitting at the computer doing nothing. ironically .. in all of this boredom i'm too lazy to make plans and actually carry them out. if only i could .. just .. drive by myself. [no, school doesn't count -- i do that like every single day during the semester. i mean like going-out type driving! like hanging-out-with-people driving!] however, if you don't know me for very long you wouldn't really completely understand my situation. which in essence .. is pretty complicated and bordering on ridiculous-ness and other such confusions. and you would probably end up being really frustrated with me and the world and all the rules.. and to alleviate the stress for you, you would just stop being my friend all together and result to avoidance and not hanging out with me so that you don't feel so bad about breaking the friendship off with me. lol. i'm just joking.

for example, today, is friday night, and i'm at home, shorty, not partying the night away.

sometimes i wish it was that simple for me to just be like, "bye parents! i'm going out for the night! see ya i'll be back later! call me if you need me!" HOWEVER, that is not the case, going out for me is complete with planning, bargaining, compromising, negotiating, escape, money, transportation.. and other such amenities. i bet you my situation could be turned into some kind of sudoku-like puzzle that people could solve on yahoo/msn games. people ask me all the time, "why don't you just rebel.."

.. and forfeit my reputation in my wonderful bill-paying parent's eyes and position as number 1 wonderful conservative traditional respectful daughter? .. ha ha ha ha ha ha that's a good one there friend. i don't think running away is a good option for me -- where am i going to go, what am i going to do .. hell, i don't even have any money in my pocket to get me to freaking menlo.

i guess it's easier for people who live with brothers and sisters to deal with their parents -- at least you have each other to lean on.. for me, when my parents are mad at me and think i'm a piece of shit .. well, you don't want to experience the feeling of complete silence and threat all by yourself. and then the only person who can really comfort yourself in person is, well, you. and maybe your stuffed animals too. man .. .

ate mercy always tells me i need to get out more. no wonder she's like my 2nd mom. oh man .. maybe i should just go to gabe's house. if he's even home .. .

and i think that's all i have to say. man boredom has reached its peak today, huh?

<3 to: CF and jackie for comments. happy new year to you both!

the end.