lean back

there was something calling me to record my thoughts tonight .. i don't even know what it is. so maybe my stream of consciousness will rapidly record in 15 minutes because you know, drug delivery is not going to study itself.

it's finally cold in new jersey and the weather finally feels like november even though in my mind i still think it's the beginning of the school year. this semester is the fastest one yet, i feel like every day just fades into thin air, and my birthday is coming a lot faster than expected. i feel a little lost, a little lonely, all around confused sometimes. it's kind of funny that after 20 everything seems to start going at hyperspeed. it's not even like i'm trying to live this fast, lol.

no doubt i'm pretty excited to celebrate my 21st. .. it's actually considered golden because my birthday also happens to fall on the 21st .. so of course, we have to go out with a bang. i feel like i'm planning a sweet 16 again just 5 years later minus the cotillion and fancy party hall and DJ lady with the lizard on her back. i miss my cousin alvin [he was my sweet 16 escort], he was such a fob 5 years ago and he's come a long way. still quite the ladies' man, but surprisingly monogamous for the past times i've spoken to him. good for you, cuz! :)

around this time i remember making funny favors with bows on the back. and i got a lot of weird stuff for my 16th birthday .. especially a lot of jewelry. not to be completely materialistic, but i realized that the 21st birthday is a pretty sucky birthday for presents. i have a feeling that 90% of the presents that i'm going to get are going to be alcoholic drinks. that sucks! i don't even think i can drink that much -- [and i know i can't take it home and freeze it and make demented ice pops] -- well, another reason why i had to spoil myself with the heart pendant. cuz i know no one is going to be giving me anything as near as nice as what i got myself. [i know, i know, your presence at my secret party is priceless .. i know. =P] i feel like i should have given my friends something better for their 21st birthdays now that i think about it .. well, actually i did because i gave one of my friends a scrapbook and one a martini glass. and for charles' 21st birthday i gave him chocolate chip cookies and a happy birthday bear. i am particularly quite fond of that happy birthday bear with the cake on the top of his head.

well i've successfully wasted a good hour writing in here when i should have read drug delivery.

but that's okay, i'll read it again before i sleep. and then again before the exam tomorrow.

yay