like water for chocolate

hello ladies and gentlemen! well this past week was free transit week fo njtransit .. so you know what that means! adventures in new york city in picture form!

first off, homie and i have the luck of the gods because we made it to the train station just in time to make the 5:43 train! it was pretty awesome because if we missed it we would have to wait another hour for the next train. and then they didn't even check our coupons so it was like we went on the train for free free, if you know what i mean. lol

then i went on a chocolate adventure with my one and only homie to chocolate by the bald man near union square. i must say, that place is like a small chocolate heaven. oh yes. homie and i were very excited to go and indulge in all of our chocolate fantasies.

and then before we got our orders we got free chocolates courtesy of ABC and their new show, big shots. i must say, savoring each little bite made it soooo worth it. ahhhhh delicious!

and then i got to indulge in waffle-y goodness .. ahhh a banana split waffle with chocolate sauce and strawberries and ice cream! MMMMMMM .. ahhhhh .. it was so good, i couldn't even finish it because i got a stomach ache at the very end. hahaha

homie's order also looked suuuuuper delicious too .. waffles with strawberries on top! oooo baby!

and then afterwards, i saved 2 of the chocolates and took them home since i couldn't have any more decadence. lol.

then homie and i ventured to DSW shoes which was like shoe heaven! i saw these awesome guess boots that made me look like sex .. sadly they cost $100! :( so sadness. oh well ..

afterwards we met up with gillian and andy the flying ace and ended up getting into the view rooftop lounge! it looked sooo "posh" [as homie likes to call it =)] and i didn't get carded! WHOA! but it was cool because i only ordered a sprite that was incredibly overpriced. of course, the "view" was worth it .. especially seeing it rotate! i want to go back there again and also to the other lounges in the marriott marquis. what a nice hotel! all thanks to bradley for being our server guy.

photo courtesy of homie's facebook LOL

finally, when we left the view, homie and i BEASTED walking back to penn station .. i got to order a hotdog from a vendor which was sooo awesome [dirty i know, but i always wanted to eat a hot dog from a cart!] and we made it just in time to catch the last call for boarding of the 11:15 pm train. BEAST! i know :)

and then, to top off our day, we came home and homie had some banana cake before she went home. what a wonderful and fortuituous day!

i can't wait for free transit week again next semester. more adventures!

anywhos, time for studying and 1-propanamine, 3-(2-choloro-9H-thoxanthen-9-ylidene)N,N-dimethyl. beat that, beeeech!

♥ to the best-est friend i could ever have! i loves ya jackie!

bebot bebot

wow, so sitting here in the computer lab i totally lost my train of thought. i was about to start typing my entire, "honors thesis" type "what it means to be a filipina american" blog for you, but people started coming in and blah blah blah. but on the flip side [haha like that pun?] i think the lab has calmed down, i don't have to take stats for about 20 minutes, and i can finally get my thoughts straight. thanks to the magic of the internet, i could also save this and continue later. ah, the beauty of technology.



but anyways, so i feel like this kind of blog has been a long time coming; probably as far back as i've been in high school, i've always wanted to speak about this subject. it's near and dear to my heart, and i haven't really found anything that really delves into the heart of the matter. i mean, there have been superficial accounts about it, such as, "filipinos in new jersey" or something generic about it, talking about how we like to eat lumpia and pray in church and dance in lines. but do people, especially filipino americans themselves, really see past the surface? not many people like to acknowledge or talk about the inner workings of the filipino american network. actually, most high school aged and college aged filipino americans deny of any type of heirarchy actually existing, or faithfully look down upon being part of such an organization (e.g. "i hate how filipinos are so cliquey"; "she's part of them"; "that's his crew" "i'm not like that, i'm not cliquey"), but somehow, you can't escape associating with people who are of the same culture. unbeknownst to people who turn their noses at people who associate with their own race, this phenomenon is common among people of every type of race. white people usually compose their circle of friends with mostly white people, black people usually join groups of other black people, spanish people have their own group, and each asian race usually associates with themselves so as to be able to converse in their native language like FOBs. (sorry about that last one, i was just annoyed from class yesterday morning. lol.)



however, despite the fact that filipinos obiviously elicit some kind of comfort associating with other filipinos, there are a select few who get uncomfortable in the presence of a mass of filipinos. but why, you may ask. sometimes the ones who get the most uncomfortable around these masses are also the ones who complain about the exclusivity of the filipino group. this of course, seems logical, as the one who is not part of the group feels uncomfortable being excluded. this is a normal situation with anyone who feels left out of any type of group.



but at the same time, some that complain about the exclusivity are part of a group that exemplifies the characteristics of the exclusive filipino group. of course, this is a paradox that not many understand. this is one of the things that has been mystifying me since the end of my eighth grade.

now to give you a little background on myself, [for those of you who know me and who read my blog on daily basis, you don't really need to hear this haha] i've always lived in edison, nj for my whole life. i've basically been surrounded by my family since about 80-90% of my mother's side lives in new jersey. i never really had a reason to be part of the "group" because my family was my filipino group. well, i also was pretty sheltered growing up, so i didn't go out much either. i guess you could say, in the back of my mind, i had the insecurity of feeling left out. even to this day i still carry that kind of feeling, and i'm 20 years old and in my 4th year of college.

but when i got to college, there were others who felt insecure, who wanted to make new filipino friends without the intimidation of the larger mass. i could empathize with them. one of the common statements i often hear is "i always feel like i'm being judged when i'm surrounded by filipinos." i mean, do you ever notice that? as a filipino in this day and age in the american society, do you often feel judged? some people would rather not admit it because no one likes to point the finger at one of their own. sometimes, when in the presence of the larger mass, it often feels like a competition -- who knows the most people, who has the best outfit, who has the coolest shoes. and somehow, it gets to me, that i should have to prove myself to someone, when i am just sitting down in the crowd. but does it really matter? does how well you dance, or how well you play the guitar, or how new your outfit is.. does it really matter? after all, why should it be an issue; people often say that it is more important to be yourself. so why does it often feel like i have to blend in? maybe this could be just some sociological idea that comes from being part of a group.

going back to the idea of the clique, my filipino friends and i often comment about the exclusivity of filipino clique while at the same time forming our own small clique of 5 filipinos. though sometimes i feel like it's not exclusively filipino, 2 of the guys that we tend to associate with on a daily basis are indian and chinese. to add to that, there are dozens of cliques in the pharmacy program already -- the koreans, the indians, the other indians, the other other indians [lol], the people in the sorority, the transfer students, the people in the fraternity, the white people, and some other cliques that i can't name from the top of my head. so although we are a small microcosm of the bigger filipino society, i've come to the conclusion that it's not as big of an issue as one that i'm trying to tackle with this immense post of mine.

now i'm not sure if this point is entirely relevant to what i was trying to get at, but my friend ana pointed out to me that although this entire filipino society prides itself on being filipino at times, it tends to ignore things that usually are important when realizing one's heritage. in the words of ana, "they all claim, 'filipino pride' 'filipino pride' and all that bs, but they can't even get one question about the philippines right? thats bs right there." but i guess that also runs along the lines of some united states citizens -- when i watch "jaywalking" on jay leno, most of the people he asks don't know the answers to common facts about the united states. of course, i credit that to a lack of being well-informed, as well as a lack of remembering things. but being as we're from america, it's quite sad. but ana also pointed out the lack of drive that people had to try and push for our filipino studies program here at rutgers. "they claim they're proud, but they won't even push for our filipino class." and on that note, of course, it makes one seem like a hypocrite, being proud to be filipino but refusing to learn about oneself.

it's like that old filipino proverb, "Ang hindî marunong lumingón sa pinanggalingan ay hindî makararatíng sa paroroonan."

He who does not look back from where he came will never reach his destination.

so i guess, in closing, "what does this all mean, ang?"

what i'm trying to get at with all these things that i've said, is that we as filipinos here on the east coast should try to make more of an effort as a community to organize and get things done. we should stop judging each other and trying to outdo each other and just be thankful for all of the talent. i think that less emphasis should be put on the performing and more on the intellectual. there are a lot of smart filipinos out there. it would be nice for us to unite and give a voice to who we are, to let the rest of the united states know that there is more to our culture than the singing and the dancing and the pretty clothes. because in the end, those things don't really do much for you. in the end, it tends to just be about you, yourself. as big and as massive as the young adult filipino mass society is, it's also transient. once the real world comes it won't be about how many people you knew in college or high school anymore. there is a rich history to the philippines, to the people that came here trying to find a better life.

the end.

and <3 goes to my bestfriend, the el salvadorenian queen herself. :)

i'm like a bird

so i had a pretty long day today .. cardio class at hill, and then ARC was beast while i was working, there was like 10293810298301 people coming into the lab continuously for 4 hours until i left late at 4:15 because my relief didn't show up, and then i had to drive to the ville to charles house so we could go together to his bball game at st. ambrose against the bridge [:shakes fist: :mutters under breath:] i didn't get much studying done because of all the going around and moving around, but you know, i have to show my support for the tall guy as he battles the other dudes on the court. funny .. i never scream out his name during the game, sometimes i forget he's actually playing .. probably because sometimes his agression and forwardness kind of embarrasses me .. did i mention that when i first met charles way way way back -- i'm talking about, i was still going out with johan, that's how far back i have a distinct memory of encountering charles -- that i thought he was one cocky son-of-a-beach, and even when i met him at nicole's i was like, "wtf is this guy's problem .. [but damn, he's cute LOL .. hah ;)]" and sometimes he still comes off like that; but i forgive him, because underneath that whole semi-macho i-wanna-be-manly exterior is a big huggable cuddle bear .. well, until he tries to pull sexy time on me. then he's cuddling for sexy time! grrr .. after trying my best to divert the sexy time feelings with a blue piece of string, i realize that i wanted some sexy time. but alas, i could not, and charles wasn't in the mood anymore because he wanted to exert some "control." riiiiiiiiiiight ..

but anyways, as you can tell, i've just been going at things like a mile a minute .. when i was walking to my cardio ther class from eohsi [i had to get some research stuffs to work on] i had like 10 mins to get there, and i was like scrambling to get to class, walking like a beast! i felt like i was walking a marathon. and after work, i hadn't eaten any lunch because the comp lab was so busy, so i was basically going on almost pure adrenaline driving to charles house. yes, i know, i tend to be beasting like that sometimes. i'm not as shocked about things this time around about school .. though my classmates are already freaking me out, with the "did you start studying yet angelica" "did you get your books yet angelica" "did you start reading yet angelica"

heller! it's just the first week of school! but i understand, we don't have time to bullshit around anymore and we can't just cram shit in our heads like we used to .. we can't fall behind. but as much as i'd like to act like i'm totally stressed, i need to take a chill pill! damn! when i started school, i could already feel like rutgers had a different vibe to it this year .. maybe because i'm 4th year now .. but it feels like things are going off to a really slow start, because everything [like clubs and stuff] is starting during the 2nd week of school instead of the first. heck, i didn't even hear anything about RAPS. but maybe i really am getting old, i'm almost ready for the real world, but at the same time, i heard it's really boring! probably because there's no more social drinking with your college buddies. oh well .. i can't wait to travel after i graduate ^_^

she's freaky, but i like it

and so, my summer is coming to a close .. with the approach of labor day comes the unofficial end of the sunshine season. me and the units hit up the hotspot of new jersey -- Atlantic City! -- lol, but it was still a good time since they have that snazzy mall that borders on short hills meets menlo on the beach. sometimes it's good to end up at a mall, especially when you have "emergency" purchases to make. at least i got to exit middlesex county for a day .. it was just too crowded and full of cheesy people down at the boardwalk. sigh.

yesterday charles and i attended a wedding .. my mom kept thinking i was being a "wedding crasher" because she didn't know if i was "on the invitation" .. but i was, [yes, that's me, "and Guest"] and it was really nice to go to a wedding of someone you're not related to .. after so many filipino weddings that take 1.5-2 hours, it was refreshing to be at a ceremony that was only an hour, including communion! i kept glancing at charles every so often, and then he said,

"hey, don't start thinking about weddings, okay."
"what?"
"i see that look in your eye. i know that thought crossed your mind!"

HEY, you can't blame me -- after all, we are at a wedding, and it doesn't help that you look handsome in a suit.. sigh .. ;)

i mean, it's not the first time charles and i have mentioned getting married -- albeit to perhaps, it might be different people, haha -- and i know i shouldn't get ahead of myself.. after all, i'm only 20, i still have to finish school, and enjoy, as my mom puts it, and et cetera, blah blah blah ..
but sometimes, it feels nice to know that you have someone, right there, that you're the date-- the girlfriend -- to the wedding. it feels nice to hold someone's hand and have someone to slow dance with to the oldie songs.

school starts on tuesday and i'm not sure if i'm mentally ready for it .. i'm not in summer mindset either since i spent the whole summer working with no real vacations. i hope it's a good year this year .. the schedule doesn't seem to be so bad, unlike 5th year, which looks like it totally sucks. damn ..

anyways, i'm going to sleep. good night ..

once again, enjoy the musical stylings of justice, please




<3 to:
the homie; well, if not vegas, hopefully, we can party it up jersey girl style in AC. hehe. vacation next year? yessss
bestfriend, the jackie; ahahaha, no, charles doesn't need cialis. LOL! and do take that mini trip to NJ for the celebration of my birth, the borgata is pretty nowadays. =) we are due for another ang+jackie adventure!