just keep breathing

okay, so this is the entry i promised .. the entry that i was supposed to write yesterday, but today i'm putting my 10 min pilates burn and abs workout on hold [i don't feel as bad since i did walking walking and dancing dancing today .. hah] so that i could finally, finally write something in this blog of mine that i finally had a chance to change the layout for. finally..

so today is/was gabe's prom .. he's having it at the same place i had my senior prom .. except for the fact that today it's called "addison park" instead of garden manor and the other fact that he's able to go to wildwood for more than a whole weekend overnighting for 3 days.. while i couldn't .. i had to come home and then i went to the city the day after. and six flags that saturday after that. in hindsight i'm a little bitter about it .. i feel deprived because i couldn't experience the traditional go-down-to-the-jersey-shore-after-prom that everyone else gets to do. heck, when jackie was still living here, she slept over my house because her brother went down to seaside or something and she couldn't stay home alone. i confronted my mom about this -- first by asking if i could overnight with my friends in wildwood for a weekend over the summer [mind you, i'm 20 years old now and in college] to which she retorted that i would have to come home after visiting the beach. but i'm 20 now, i reply, thinking that it would be enough reason for me to be able to go. i overnighted in new york last year .. to which she spatted back, "but you stayed out until 4 o'clock in the morning in the street. that's what you're going to do? stay out until 4 o'clock in the street!!!! ... you're so eager to get out of the house."

"maybe because i haven't been out of the house." i say under my breath.

mom, i'm not that retarded. sometimes i think she should be counting her blessings that i'm not even worse off, i'm not a crackhead, i'm not an alkie, heck, i think the only thing excessive about me is my spending habit. and maybe my .. erm .. "lustful" tend.. dencies ..? and even those aren't as bad as they could be. sure, i did screw up my chances for future overnightings by blurting out that i went to the club .. but then again .. there's an even bigger backstory that remains to be untold by 12 .. [or was it 13? 14?] people.

conversations like these with my mother further solidify my plan to get the hell out of here when i graduate. maybe even sooner .. maybe when i turn "grad student." she just can't let go of me .. this woman .. she'll keep me under "parole" or on my "leash" for as long as she can.
but at the same time she comes into my room and hands me 10 dollars because i told her i only have $2 in my wallet. sigh.

anywho, i've been doing the damn thing at the labor-a-tory researching .. it's pretty cool getting to act like mad scientist with slides and vents and dozens of bottles of stuff .. i've been testing it out to see if that's what i really want to do with my life .. i imagined myself to be all glamorous looking cool with experiments and stuff .. but in reality it's not as fabulous as i thought .. pooja and i [pooja is my fellow research student .. she's a year ahead of me] walk around doing nothing for minutes on end [even an hour today] waiting for things to "incubate" and etc. but it's cool to see results .. i guess time will only tell what i'll really do with my life.

well i guess this is the end of the entry .. time for sleep or else i won't wake up tomorrow ..

good night peeps