kindness is timeless

hello everyone .. so i guess since memorial day weekend is over, my summer has unofficially begun. actually, it officially began after the semi-formal, lasted 2 weeks, and is unofficially ending tomorrow. haha. i start summer school tomorrow, and work too, and tomorrow i'll be all over rutgers for a record, 13ish hours. what the hell ..

anyways, for the past 2 weeks that i've been off, yeah, it's been some great times. =) i was so excited, for the first time, i FINALLY drove to the number 1 party town of middlesex county, and the home of my number one ultimate the best in the best homie/homeslice in the world christine! lol. it was pretty sweet. i have been waiting for this moment ever since i got my license about 2 or 3 years ago. this is big for me man! MAN! lol. i was so happy i was probably happier than people who won the mega millions lottery here in jersey. [oh man, what i wouldn't do for that much cheese.. but anyways!] yeah so, i've had some history with sayreville .. a good amount, especially for someone who doesn't even live there .. and i guess it was time to bring everything full circle with my ability to finally drive there with no restrictions from my dear old parents and of course, with mary riding in the car as my faithful passenger and navigator. it's one step towards completion -- you know, where i get to drive there by myself. haha. and as promised, with the advent of my very first time driving to sayreville legally, we of course had to have a celebratory party with my homeslice complete with cake, candy, and other yellow items. haha. when i look at it sometimes, it's funny to have to grow up in steps .. but i guess that's the way everything had to be done, according to some demented plan .. but who cares, maybe i wasn't emotionally ready to drive there back in the day. maybe it was right to wait. maybe i would have done something stupid a couple of years ago had i been able to drive there. or not.. and i guess i'll never know. lol. it was nice to chill out in my homie's house .. i'm finally making up for all the times she drove to edison by herself to come and visit me. lol. and maybe sometime soon, we'll have the real big party. it wasn't as big as planned because i forgot the balloon. haha ..

aside from that, i've really gone out more in these past 2 weeks than i probably did all last summer. haha. movies, movies, eating, being a semi-mallrat, spending money left and right .. wow, this broke ass ho can not afford to keep up this pace for the whole summer. haha. and gas is pretty pricey .. it eats up like half my paycheck, and doesn't get me as far as it used to .. holy shiet man, i don't want to let stupid gas prices kill my vacation. then again, i'll be in summer school .. and then vegas .. so the real summer fun kicks in around august. keep that in mind kids! haha. and .. i guess .. remind me to .. say what to say. especially to my mom. she's a crazy lady sometimes .. joke. lol. and now that it's summer .. it's time to hook up with the family. i miss my family .. being in college and them being .. whatever age they are, it's hard to hook up and have stupid moments like we used to. i had one last friday .. it was pretty nuts, and i felt pretty old, but hey .. that's what comes with being the .. er, oldest-ish? and i hang out with the older heads and i feel young and underpriviledged .. oh 21 .. that's the golden age, huh? haha. but, my fun times fun times are screeching to a halt for right now .. because of summer school and work. oh man, it's so frickin hot in my house. man jersey weather, thanks for blasting heat in my face. i could really use a hose sprayed in my face or something. or have a water fight .. water fights are fun .. mmmmm ..

hmmm .. yeah .. i feel like i have stuff to say here but i don't even know where to begin with it. there's this part of me that feels like i'm addicted to crack cocaine or something or i'm on this demented path to .. something. i don't even know where this path leads to. i feel pretty demented right now .. this is more confusing than school .. what the hell! anyways .. maybe i'm just tired and irritated. who knows .. i have issues .. wow .. maybe i'm just overanalyzing things. because, maybe i'm just freaking out. which is bad. because if i continue to freak out, i might mess up something really good. and i don't want to do that. i learned from my mistakes about 4 years ago. i don't want to go down that path again. because .. after everything i think about, after everything i put myself through .. freaking out, and trying to match everything with my unbelievably high expectations .. i forgot to just be happy with what i have and with everything that has happened to me. after all of my mixed emotions, i still keep coming back for more. maybe that's the key. the fact that i still keep coming back for more. it's like hope showing me that, this is why i can't let this go. it's like my crack cocaine.. in a good way, of course. i can't even explain it! all i know is that .. at one point, you just look into a pair of round brown eyes, and that's it. i'm done. i melt. the fck man .. :scratches head: usually i don't post song lyrics, but i felt like, this is the way to best express things .. maybe? maybe not. or i could be getting ahead of myself..

I feel like you're the only one
I feel this loneliness undone
And I just can't see myself
Without me in your arms
If I had one last sunset to see
One day, one last deep breath to breathe
No tears would fall, knowing that you're… all i need

okay i'm done

511 ♥


<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; awww thank you! =) i'm glad i inspired someone. yay. ^_^
joe aka jopapa; mmm yay sushi .. yay ..
christine aka the homie; yay i'm glad you liked my entry. i knew my shoes would come in handy .. haha .. thanks for listening to my rantings and for being the clarity i always need. i love you too phenom! =)

no matter what you do

[may 17 2006]

eddie (12:19:30 PM): u have the best... blog...ever...... period
angelica (12:19:48 PM): awwwww thanks! =)
angelica (12:20:12 PM): i am going to save that and put it in my next blog when i write it
eddie (12:21:07 PM): haha
eddie (12:21:10 PM): no im serious
eddie (12:21:14 PM): its always so interesting and u write very well
angelica (12:21:25 PM): :flattered: =) ^_^

well, first i have to dedicate this entry to my 2 friends eddie and joe; because they always like reading my blog and ask me about it. espeically joe, he's waiting for my update. lol. sometimes i fail to realize how many people actually read this stuff.. you never really know the true number because not everyone leaves comments and lets you know that they came .. maybe they're shy to let me know how many times they actually visit. haha. i'm flattered, and you don't have to be embarrassed to care what i have to say. i really appreciate your visit. =)

anyway, this past week has been, well.. good, relaxing, boring, exciting, unsure, slightly tense.. just a mixed bag of oxymoronic feelings that i don't even understand anymore. as you can see, over there, i have a good number of sneakers. haha i know i'm being captain obvious right now, but when i was talking to my friend eddie he told about his project that he was going to do about shoes and stories and i thought that maybe i could use all these lovelies to explain and describe what i've been feeling, going through, thinking about .. and etc.

at first glance, what would you say about me? looking at the shoes i've put on, does it seem like it's been an easy road? does it seem like, maybe, if you took a walk in my shoes, you could do it .. maybe, somehow, they'd fit you too and maybe they'd match your pink on pink outfit to a T. or maybe my shoes are too tight on you and you can't handle it. maybe you need something more scandalously high that shows off your newly pedicured toes .. or maybe you need something a little more laid back and free. true, my shoes are still kind of new. but also, they're pretty broken in. maybe they're new because i care a lot about my shoes and i take care of them. or maybe they're new because they haven't gone anywhere to let them get dirty. to compare, my friend eddie, he has this pair of really really broken in shoes that he loves so much. they have holes in them and they definitely have been on the verge of replacement. but through it all, through looking at his shoes, you can tell that he's been places. you can tell that he's experienced the world and grown up. maybe, he's outgrown his shoes and needs a new fresh one to start on his new chapter in his life of graduating and stuff like that. looking at my shoes, my shoes haven't been beaten out enough .. maybe it's a sign that i haven't gotten all i needed to get out of life yet. but am i really ready to face what i've been meaning to face for the past couple of years? is it time for me to grow up and strap on the stilettos? everytime i think about facing it, i get scared in my bones. everyone knows, that, being me, living in these shoes, it's not easy sometimes. maybe i'm resisting the change. is it that i just want to take my pink asics and run? run, like i've been doing .. or is it time to take a stand for what i want. but then again, i don't even know what i want. in all honesty and fairness, i prefer my pink asics to a sexy pair of stilettos on a normal given day. they've never let me down and have gotten me to where i've needed to be ever since i got them. i love them to death. but the stilettos, you know, they scream the inner pussycat doll in me. the one that has the ability to just put shit and do the crazy thing when i'm out. i've gone so long picking and choosing all the different shoes of life that i don't know where to go right now.. thinking that, with these pair of shoes, it'll be different .. but since they're all dunks, am i just staying the same? is it time to move on? everyone tells me that it's time to have it out and just fight it out so that i get the freedom and opportunity to make mistakes and fun that i rightfully deserve. the freedom to trip and fall over my laces and step in mud and walk on sidewalks that i've been meaning to walk on. the chance to leave my shoeprints in places i've always wanted. but with the freedom comes the responsibility .. and somehow i feel like i'm ready, but are my parents? how do i get over this culture clash? [i put a pair of tsinilas here; hope it shows hahaha] so if you wore my shoes, could you understand? would you be able to stand in them and comprehend everything that i have come to just, respect..? these filipino shoes represent all the tradition that surrounds me everyday. i have grown to fear asking my parents things at times because i feel like i might just be wasting my time if i'm just going to get a couple of lame excuses which equate to no. or, make me feel so guilty that i try and convince myself of a no. i know, i've written time and time again about this.. and yes, the situation has gotten better as i've gotten older .. i keep thinking that maybe i won't have to face the confrontation and i'll just be able to do my thing. my mind's just a mess.. haha.. and for the first time, i don't think getting a new pair of shoes is going to fix it. i wish my parents could stand in my shoes for a day or 2. i mean, my mom wears my old nike cortezes around, but i don't think she's that great at empathizing where i've been. she straight up told me that she's really conservative and traditional and all. maybe i just need to put on these shoes and run. better yet, just drive away. haha. so where am i gonna go? i don't even know anymore. i know my shoes and i have been places .. places that i wasn't supposed to be at .. and looking at some of them now, they carry the memories for me and never have to say a word. in the end, i guess, maybe that's what really matters. i don't want this conflict, i'm really bad at having to deal with it. but who knows, maybe that's my option. just work with it. everything isn't as complicated as it seems. just like white dunks. they're not complicated. right? wow, where am i going with this now? haha. everything will be okay, i'll just tell myself, and my sneakers will still be clean. hooray. i think i just want to go out and stand in the sun with a pair of my shoes.

i went out last friday and had a good time. haha. i even got to eat outside for the first time.. i always wanted to do that, and even though i was kind of freezing, it was really nice. yay. =) sometimes, my parents surprise me with the leniency they have with me .. which is partially what makes this situation really delicate. because, part of me doesn't have as much of a case to present now because they say that 'well, you can't complain about not being able to go out because we let you go out.' and then, i'm out, and the rules aren't there to scare me anymore .. because there's no one to tell me no. that's what my best friend jackie was telling me .. it's like, there's no voice to tell you no sometimes, and you think you know everything, but then realize the stupid things you were doing that you didn't think you could do but did and now you're learning from it all. argh, something like that. haha. if i'm lucky .. maybe i'll get to drive this weekend. and go to a party. yes? no? geez, i think i need to keep myself occupied again so that i don't think about things. it really helped this morning because i just cleaned the kitchen. haha.
now, on a less complex and enigmatic note, i'm glad the weather has finally stabilized within the past couple of days. the sunshine really does make me feel better .. clear my mind .. and just brighten things for me. summer session starts in about a week for me .. and i kind of want to enjoy this fantastic weather. i don't really have any plans.. maybe it's time for me to be slightly spontaneous and take lovely joyrides with mary and whoever wants to come. yes, gas is high, but come on. let's enjoy life, as my dad would say. =) i miss my friends. i haven't seen them since school .. and i'm getting kind of lonely. going to asian food and etc. can only get you so far. haha. well anyways, i think i'm tired of writing. sorry if my entry didn't make a lot of sense. it always sounds more comprehensible in my head. okay lovers and friends .. till next time

<3 to:
jackie; oh you know i can't wait until las vegas. i'm too excited =D
joe aka jopapa; i think she's really poison now. haha.
eddie; thanks! =) yeah, the semi was pretty short. don't worry, i'll keep writing for a long time. keep reading too ^_^

let me

wow, so, yeah, as is in summer tradition [not that it really differs from my weekly or even day-to-day traditions of sleeping a little too late hahaha] i am beginning to write my blog at 12 midnight in the AM while i play some iTunes that i just wasted from the 15 free ones jenn hooked me up with when she booked the tickets to las vegas for continental. sweet. i could have easily wasted all 15 on the new sergio mendes album .. but nah that's okay, i only got 2 songs from it. haha. and i have 9 more to go .. so .. does anyone have any suggestions? teeheeh. well anyways, as you can see, i'm way overdue for an update, it's been 2 weeks since i wrote.. and for good reason too, i was studying for exams and had a pretty hectic week after that.. since i last wrote. after rutgersfest, we had the last day of class and reading days, which i used to, er, well, go to my orgo review, and study, and etc.. and somehow between the friday of rutgersfest and the thursday after, some sickness caught up with me, and i ended up with a fever of 102 degrees on that friday. yeah, so much for studying, i was pretty assed out trying to break the fever and get better. yeah because it was 80 degrees outside and tell me why i was feeling cold. as in, wearing a sweater in the 80 degree weather. yeah, them chills got me forreals. but it's okay, i got better just in time to do my 3 days of cramming for my 3 days of exams .. my last love affair with orgo was horrible -- we spent a whole night together and i forced about 80+ mechanisms and etc. into my brain for a 3 hour exam. shit, if i ever wanted to know what hell was truly like, it came in the form of organic chemistry and systems physiology exams. holy crap. but that's okay, i'm alive, surprisingly, although i believe my performance was less than stellar after those 2 days, and i was seriously considering summer school and praying really hard and having the biggest feeling that, you know, maybe i'm going to fail out of pharmacy school for reals this time. but, i guess GOD has other plans, and one of them involves staying in pharmacy. so there we go.. i get my grades, and happily report that i didn't get any C's this semester. WHOA! i didn't think it was humanly possible for me, but i guess, this gives me hope that i'm not a failure at life. hooray! and i would like to thank GOD, my mom, my dad, sam, gillian, carissa, phil, christine aka chrissy, divya, and of course, charles, for getting me through this crappy experience and making it better. =)

so, as part of my celebration, and though it was before i got my grades and knew about all this, i just had to make a new purchase of dunks. yes, a little retail therapy for yours truly to alleviate the pain of taking difficult exams. yes, those are the classic, white on white on white dunks with the wide white skater laces presented by teddy bear, ahaha. they are fresher than freshy freshmen and clean and yes. i just love them to death, i've been waiting so long to get a pair of just straight up white on whites since i got involved with the whole dunk thing. and now, i want another pair.. but alas, i'm going on vacation and kind of need to cut back on sneaker spending so i can blow off all my money over there in vegas. oh man, i'm so excited to actually be travelling outside of the tri-state area for the first time in 4 years. 4 years, people! it has been a very long time and i want to take this vacation before pharmacy chains me to new jersey and tells me that i'm not allowed to plan for vacations because of the stupid summer classes that i'm required to take. UGH SLAKJpa03wu5a;lwkgj, i'm just a tad bit pissed. haha. RU screw, like all the time.

oh yeah! so, since it's the end of the year, it was also the RAPS semiformal this past thursday. it was pretty funny that they held it in victorian manor.. and i was pretty sooped that i actually drove myself there, i felt like such a grownup. yay. it was weird to see all these people that i felt like i should have seen or known about in high school .. and to see a buttload of people i went to highschool with at the semiformal.. like whoa.! it was like a sweet sixteen except it wasn't anyone's birthday and everyone was getting way drunk. the bartender was mad crazy good that he could mix all those drinks .. and all i asked for was a sprite and a shirley temple. vodka cranberry, kiss my non-alcoholic sober ass. hahahaha .. but it was pretty fun, dancing with the drunk people, lol jk, and releasing all the tension of exam week and partying the night away. yeay! one can only wait for the next edition of partying for me. after all, i am pretty broke. haha.
well, of course, some random shots of the party to give you a feel of the atmosphere. yeeeaahh

party people =]

sexy ladies

and well, that's basically it. hahaha. and now, it's summer, and i'm pretty lazy every day.. you get so busy so fast when school starts, you long for a day off, and when summer comes, it hits you-- wow. you have nothing to do and there's no pressure .. so fast. and then, the boredom comes because you don't know what to do with yourself. haha. so anyways, i plan not to have a boring summer, but the only problem is that i don't have any money. lol. oh yeah did i mention, i'm going to be working at the computer lab over the summer? yay. a source of income! lol. but of course, this source of income can't come soon enough .. i'm already on break and in need of fast cash! haha. too bad i can't just win the lottery .. darn it ..

and and and, summer classes start may 30th. my last step before i'm an official 3rd year. hooray for intro to philosophy .. i hope this intro class doesn't suck, because for some reason i totally suck at intro classes. lol.

shit, i always forget what i have to say when i sit down and type this up. man! that's okay, when it comes back, i'll type it .. especially since the frequency of entries for me will probably increase since it's summer. maybe like everyday. maybe not, i got work son. hahahaha. okay bye .. i'm off to do .. nothing. =) good bye lovers and friends

<3 to:
joe aka jopapa; i keep hearing 'poison' like all the time now. lol. i still want some candy. summer candy. mmmmmm
bestfriend jackie; oh man .. 'can i ask yes or no questions?' hahahahaha .. =D you're the best. i am definitely writing a letter to you soon.
eddie; thanks for the motivation! you were right i did pretty okay. =) and yes, my camera was aware of your face again.. i just realized when i posted up my semi pics. lol.
star; thanks for stopping by! my finals went by pretty okay. =)

codigo

well, at least, that's what i should be doing, no .. yeah .. finals suck, i should be studying, but i'm such a lazy ass and instead i am putting up some usless information once again on my weblog. yeyeeeeaaahh .. tomorrow is the last day of classes for my sophomore year .. i'm so f-in old it's not even funny .. yesterday when i was talking to christine we realized that we were so old.. her little brother is a frickin man now, what the hell, when i met him 5 years ago he was 'yeay' high.. like short, forreals.. and now he's frickin big like a man, and he went to his sophomore semi .. damn, i still remember sophomore semi .. back in high school, back when abbygail couldn't talk yet, when she was 1 yr old.. and now she's going into kindergarten next fall.. the fck, it was that long ago? where did my time go? here i am trying to waste it away writing in here instead of using it to study .. oh wells, not like i can go back and take the time and junk to study .. argh, i'm so lazy, and tired, and out of it, wow .. i should uhhh .. drink some coffee or something, damn. and i still have to study for systems physiology .. oh yeah, statistics too.. ahhhhh books, go away, finals, go away .. a[wiyjwlkjtwl;a i want some bubble tea or something, my eating habits are so erratic, i have work tomorrow early.. like ass early .. damn .. i need money too.. tell me why the gas is like $12093182031982 .. can't even afford to go anywhere .. it's frickin equivalent to a pair of dunks .. for serious, like 1 pair dunks = 1 tank of gas .. that's sick. but anyways, so this is what i did in a nutshell, in pictures, because i am too lazy to write about it in a more descriptive, imaginative manner hehehe..

it was my last full week of school. man, don't you just love serc. yay classroom


me and homie are extra cool because we went the whole year and met up just about every week to bullshit around and have a good time. i love this chick


this is the junk food we basically engaged in every week


so then on thursday i had a change of pace and went to this snazzy office building thing with annie, leo and ml to dance slow tinikling and teach some little kids. what a snazzy room they gave us to get ready


and then i went to systems physiology and the power went out in the whole building for about 15 mins. me and supersam should have left. but then it came back on


and then afterwards i went to the SAC to go to FIC coffeehouse. i sure love being acoustic.. and JESUS ..


liz is the coolest. her stalker status is so on it's just acknowledged now. she didn't even notice that i took a picture of her. she was mesmerized by her boytoy's singing. =) lol

and then friday was rutgersfest and i was squished in the audience but that's okay because i got to see common, ginuwine and ok go. common is the coolest. some girl was grinding on me in the audience thinking that common was gonna pick her. silly lady. no one cares what you think. bwahaha. ana and tim were standing next to us too. tim doesn't like ok go music. lol. and then my camera was getting tired and the alkaline batteries i bought died on me and made my camera act like it had some viral infection. but it's okay now, i put the regular batteries back in. silly batteries .. and i went out to eat with christine and charles and we had some crappy service, but that's okay. i don't understand how i could get this slushy it wasn't even slushy. it was just like, wacked up miniature pieces of ice. it wasn't even like halo-halo ice. what a waste. and then i got home, and i was pretty beat. then i stayed up all night and i couldn't sleep. but that's okay .. because i didn't mind ..

and then it was saturday and i didn't really do anything meaningful with myself except visit mary, go to church, and try to get some studying done. especially practicing my microscopic writing for orgo. and then i stayed up all night again .. and i couldn't sleep .. it was cold as hell last night, i had like 2 shirts on and 3 blankets and i was freezing my ass off because we turned off the heat. i sure could have used some bodily warmth or something .. frickin new jersey weather ..

and now, it is sunday, and i feel like even more of a lazy ass. wow, i'm assed out from all of this good-time good-time. i guess it's sign that i have to go back to reality ..
hello orgo, i know you can't wait to enjoy your last moments of being my boyfriend. but i'm breaking it off, i've found someone way better. someone who doesn't make me feel like i suck at life and give me panic attacks. thanks for always being there for me, though, i could just carry your electric-blue covered paperheavy-ness everywhere i go, and for haunting me in my dreams with your carbon chains. i'll never forget you. i hope the next person you try to get with will appreciate you more. and actually like your benzene rings.

well, i'm done. good bye lovers and friends ..

<3 to:
eddie; i'm sad because you are graduating. thanks for being one of my coolest friends ever. =) i guess my camera enjoyed your beautiful face just as much as you enjoyed taking the funny pictures. haha. we definitely have to cheel again.
bestfriend jackie; oh yes. smooth like marble tile. or smoothies.
joe aka jopapa; too cool for school jopapa-ness, i would like some more sour patch watermelons too. yay candy.
marielle; nanay sure does know best. another shirt to add on my 'need to get' list. =)
star; haha, yeah, there are a lot of happenings on campus i guess, i just realized .. i actually don't go to a lot of them. haha. i just make it seem like i do because it's when i have interesting stuff to say. college is pretty busy during the semester.. especially at the beginning and the end. i'm glad you liked our 'uniform'.. haha


<3

there's too many cute ones here to be mad

quote of the moment;
kristen: shiet, we're f-cked.
this chick is awesomenessss. and we found those coconuts too. haha

hehehe .. well, anyways, yesterday, was the beloved barrio fiesta, and yes, i know, i'm like, totally early with the whole weekly updating thing, but oh wells, sucks to be you. hehe. after all the practicing and all the nights i spent at lucy stone thinking that, you know, shiet, we're so gonna die; i'm so going to look like an ass in front of 500 people. but you know, GOD really does work in mysterious ways.. and so do people .. and even though i really hate working under pressure, we always manage to do a fabulous job and kick ass in cultural dancing and et cetera. and as you can see, i just happen to accidentally be color coordinated with my free lime green tee-shirt that matches the lime greenness of my watermelon colored shoes. lols! and even though i was ass tired from doing the fast ass tinikling 5-6 times in a row, it was a great time. i mean what can beat being on fake wowowee with fake sexbomb girl dancers? who knows. though, it sucks that we always have to be so last minute about things .. we waste so much time doing nothing that we could have been using to do other more important things .. like sleeping! haha. but i guess, bonding time is important, and people always learn from their mistakes, or lackthereof. in the end, i realized that no one could ever take the place of my beloved RCDT .. we have been through craploads of crap together and have stressed a lot together, but have always been there through it all. i don't know what's going to happen next year.. if we're still gonna be a 'troupe' .. or maybe we'll have to disband or something .. who knows, but i've enjoyed the past 2 years i've been involved with it. GOD only knows what's in store for all of us. and i learned that making new friends is the best! haha. it just sucks that we can't make these new friends earlier in life, since some of the new friends i made are graduating .. i didn't even get a chance to cheel with them long enough.. and a good number of new friends i made are older than me. but maybe it's all part of our destinies.. and partially due to our circumstances. [after all, i am still only a sophomore, don't you know.] and maybe, if i met them earlier in life, it wouldn't be the same type of friendship or something that i enjoy right now. finally, i realized that i could honestly maybe not be an actress; some of the scenes in the play would make me crack up if i had to act like that. i guess, we'll just have to wait for next year's barrio play. and i'm gonna miss all the seniors/superseniors/older heads leaving .. i always felt like that graduating year [aka, the class 2 years ahead of me] was the coolest. even in high school, i thought they were an awesome class. don't even ask me why. haha. then again, i'll have a class 2 years behind me coming in too next year .. maybe i'll feel the same way about them too. after all, it is mary's class. lol. what else .. oh yeah. i just love a guy with a talent. especially if they make friends with me. heehee ..

well after all that craziness, and watching vince die and dante come back to philippines to see ana and go to his funeral and then ana sings and stuff like that.. the play ends and there was some junk fun after the show was done. haha. then, i was debating whether to go out afterwards and chill with the peoples, but eh, they convinced me to.. and who can resist skylark diner, my most favorite new restaurant of rt 1 which is right by my house that plays awesome club music that makes you want to dance right in the middle of the restaurant with the waiters looking at you and the other patrons wondering, what the hell is up with these filipino-asian people and their bright ass green tee-shirts?! hahaha. aye so! =) and i tried a new dessert there .. mmmm yummy brownie with ice cream. and french fries yeay! and then i was even more tired and then then i decided to go home and s-l-e-e-p while people went to get their drink on i guess? whatevs. haha. it's time to go back to normal now; i can't believe how fast my year is going by. it's already finals time! sheeesh. i guess, school tends to go by faster when you're older because not much physical or emotional change really happens between the years compared to elementary or even high school. though, at this point of my college career, i can successfully say that i have finally found my comfort zone here, feeling like i can handle myself and handle forming social connections with people and not feel threatened or overwhelmed like i have to prove something. it sure took me a long time to get to this point.. for so long i was so focused to just make it through school in one piece and live up to every expectation i held to myself. but i learned not to take everything so seriously .. of course i still want to do as well as possible.. but sometimes you just gotta learn that you're normal like everyone else and to not take your experiences and friendships in college for granted. because then you suddenly have to work and get old and may never see some of these cool people ever again. damn. which reminds me, i should call my friend jay; i haven't spoken to him in so long, i hope he doesn't think i'm a bitch for failing on my part to keep in touch with him. shiet ..

anyways, i guess this is where i'm gonna wrap things up. i felt like i had more to say, but then i went to sleep last night and i forgot it all. haha. sorry ! =)

yeay for the box step. it's my favorite move ..

RAPS barrio fiesta `06

um, the end.

<3 to:
joe aka jopapa; my blade of grass got stepped on and now he can't get his 36 mg of awesomeness. darn .. lol .. i sure could use some chocolate again .. ^_^
bestfriend jackie; hehehe. don't worry i'll have pics for you girl! and one day, i'll show you all the good shit. =) love ya miss ya!

if it's worth your while then say something

well, i knew that i was due for an update now, or else i would be going back on my weekly blogging traditions, and since i feel like i have an extra couple of hours to kill [this whole daylight savings time is putting me in a jones of what time it really is.. it was nearing 7:30 pm and there was still bright light outside] i felt like, why don't i just blog now, even though i don't really have much to say .. eventually, i guess, i'd just ramble on and on, add a few pictures here and there, and presto! i'd already have completed my task of what i wanted to say. or maybe i actually have a lot of things to say i just don't know how to say them. so i'll say them here. haha .. well anyways, so yesterday, there was a bunch of protesters everywhere camping out on the lawn on college ave.. and usually i think they're really weird .. i just think sometimes protesters are weird in general.. but those protesty-people are who really get the shit done in this world .. if you really think about it. there have been plenty a moment where i felt like i really wanted to change the world, make a difference, be a super hero to the less fortunate and the exploited, disrupt the realm of normalcy to put some spice and excitement into the world .. et cetera, but when it really comes down to it, i'm a pretty lazy ass because i'd rather be sleeping than joining the protesters and stuff like that. but if i don't do anything, and you don't do anything, who will? and that's the sad and crappy part. in our weekly/monthly/whatever mass emailings we get from the university, i found out that the massive budget cut that the governor is planning for this fine state of ours might potentially increase my tuition upwards of $5,000. now, yeah, some universities are already charging that amount, and rutgers is pretty cheap in the first place, but come on. $5,000 is a lot of cheese. like as in, A LOT. 1039810293810923 people go to this fine instititution of mine, you gotta cut us a break. we're known for good studies and stuff like that, can't you see that governor! HOY! i'm talking to you. i'm not much of a phone person, what can i say, but here's my part to the protest. i know we're in a deficit and all, but i think fixing the highways can wait so that we can get our education on! man! it's a scary thought to have your tuition increased like that in a hot minute. and of course, there are lots of other pertinent issues going on in our world, and granted, yeah, we should all take part and get involved and all.. but i guess, there's just not enough time in the world to do everything. sadly, some things must get sacrificed. sadness.. sadness..

this past weekend was holy week, all i can say is, YAY GOD! =) so i went to church 102938102938 times for it; even though it was getting annoying in the end [i think that's the americanized 2nd generation youth in me] i was grateful that i could church around with my parents; because probably this was the only year that i could successfully do it since i didn't have school Good Friday and all. so Good Friday, i think i went to about 12 churches, you know how the visita iglesia tradition goes, and then i went to easter vigil mass. surprisingly, my mom said that she had enough church-ing for a weekend, and we didn't go to mass on easter sunday like we usually do. so instead, we just chilled, and then, went to our traditional lunch at auntie josie's house with the family and etc.. spent 7 hours doing nothing, but i guess, that's what it's all about. yeeeaaahhh. lol. though i did have an intense session of fake pictionary with cherry to keep her company .. she sure does know how to draw a great fern. lol. and of course, one of the most intense scrabble games ever:

check out our gangster scrabble board. haha

and of course, saw my kuya jayson; i swear he's like almost famous. haha. and his spectacular shoes that he always flaunts [as you can tell, being partial to sneakers is in my blood lol] and his sneaker design that is in the making that is so top secret, i can't even post it up.

one piece dunks. yeeahhh ..

and after that, i felt my public-school-ness because i had to go to school the next day while all of my cousins/relatives in catholic school had the week off. oh well.. that's okay, i have practice for barrio fiesta, which leads me to my plug plug plug! lol.

so let's see, what are you doing this saturday? nothing? fabulous.
are you capable and able to come to rutgers university? you are? splendid!
do you have $10 to spare? last 10 bucks in your wallet? i love it.
don't worry, there's food that comes with the show. =)

editation!
here's the complete [as in, straight from leo LOL] information:

Barrio Fiesta

Saturday, April 22nd

Lucy Stone Hall Auditorium
Livingston Campus

Dinner & Show
Tix on sale @ 5:30PM
Dinner served
show starts around 7pm
Tickets- $10

i hope you like bamboo sticks and booty shaking. and singing. because that's what we do.
and there's some wowowee-type thing if you like that. hehehe.

so COME! OKAY! YOU BETTER BE THERE. i better see you! okay okay okay? promise?
pleeease [that is, with a cherry on top and sprinkles and wildberry nerds and chocolate chips!]

and well, that's the end of my entry. updation again when i have more good stuff to say .. haha ..

<3 to:
CF; happy 1st blog-anniversary! miss you lots!
joe aka jopapa; i thought i saw timur-uglyface at the computer lab and i was going to go up to him and tell him how ugly he was but i think i could have gotten fired because my boss was there. darn.
bestfriend jackie; you frickin rock. i love the 2am chats. "it's only 10:30 here." ahahahaha
star; haha those are my 2 friends gillian and marielle. all i can say is that we have very, very similar romantic histories. haha.

click click BAM

hiiiiiiiiiii everybody! wow, finally, i can finally update after my 2 weeks of bitch crapness. lol. i was gonna update a while ago but you know, i felt guilty writing a nice long blog when i could be studying. yeah yeah yeah .. but now, i'm going to take a well-deserved break from all of that academia. phew!

so anyways, this past week was pretty bitchin. if you kept up with my xanga, yeah, that's where it said all the shit. lol. the end of lab finally came on wednesday and thursday, and after all the stress from the 12093812093821 lab reports i had to do and the early thursday mornings trying to figure out what chemicals we were going to mess up wasn't so bad after all. once i get the hang of it, lab isn't bad. if i didn't have to write so much shit about it i think i would actually like it. well, i have one more post lab to BS to the max since i didn't form crystals in our benzoin condensation, but oh well. it's so hard to give 2 craps about lab when you take your exam before the last one. lol. but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. i got through my orgo immersion pretty .. err.. okay i guess, i hate it when i study hard for shit and then i get the exam and i'm just like, WHAT.. the FCK .. is this .. wow, it was pretty bad. then my parents scolded me and the computer for spending too much quality time together.. so i ran away from home .. to mary's house, of course. lol. and i learned that social relationships are more important than learning all my formulas. life is not all about books, of course. =) i wish i had more to say about this whole mega examination experience, but i'm really just assed out and happy that it's over. haha. anyways, i have class today, like usual, so the learning continues. haha.

so, besides all the learning and exams, i had some fun junk to go to. and though i have the capacity to say hundreds of thousands of words and tell you a descriptive story, i believe the pictures will speak better for me. haha. so this is where the picture heavy part of my blog comes in. don't worry, i'll be talking along with it. =)

well, friday; was my last debut of this highschool-college era! it was my dear friend nicole's 18th birthday celebration, complete with cotillion and all the works. i'm kind of sad, i missed the waltz part of the cotillion, it's like my favorite dance, but oh wells. i liked their modern best of all.. i guess you never can get tired of 18 kids doing a hip hop dance. again, too bad i couldn't be a cotillion whore .. you know what? i thought of, maybe one day we should have college cotillion. just for fun! hey, you all know you were in one sometime in your life. plus, it all gives us excuses to dress up in formal regalia. who doesn't love that? =) [click to enlarge the pictures ^_^]

the celebrant chillen and cooling down


nicole's baby blue/pink modern


the triple ex's.
what do these 3 lovely ladies have in common? ehhehe.


me and homie always manage to take nice pics together. =)


the other half of our table -- the theme family maderal brothers!
who of course, were gracious enough to take all of our pictures. haha


one of nicole's friends who thought he was cute enough to be in my camera. lol..
i however, look busted in this picture. haha


angelo and i after the festivities

the next day; was my ate's baby shower! wow, i can't believe she's going to have another kid already. lol. i still remember when my godson was born, and how we almost couldn't visit them in the hospital because my mom didn't have photo id and i had to bust out my ghetto plastic school picture id that got us in. yeeeah! but anyways, i felt too young to be at the party, i don't really get what it means to be a new parent, but jenn said that eventually i'd understand.

my godson eating lumpia


me, angelo, mary, and abbygail [ineng] sitting around


jenn's basket with the kick-ass bow i made


yay baby presents


cute!


what a convenient table. lol

and of course, the next day was crap orgo exam, and then yesterday, had more school. i met up with my filipino studies hard-core groupies [wayne, maryann, and ana] and we talked about how we're gonna start a revolution sometime soon. i hope this all works out, and we fulfill wayne's dream of becoming google.. haha.. and make a mark on this planet. it just sucks that the level of interest to get this pushed through only rests within the 4 of us, but i guess, it's better than zero, right? and i realized that this was what college was all about.. meeting people who open up your mind! forreals. sometimes i think i should have majored in sociology. i find it so interesting forreals.

umm, this was basically a picture entry. hahaha. all this stuff going on just makes me feel so tired. lol. this week, i've got practice today, and then it's holy week too. so, yeah, I LOVE GOD! hehe. church, visita iglesia, easter vigil [if we're in the mood] and of course, easter. mmmm .. easter candy .. easter bunnies .. ^_^

til next time, when i have something more important to say. haha

and for my friend joe, here is one of my nostalgic sweet sixteen pictures. haha

featuring my cousin alvin! yeah!

<3 to:
star; aw, thanks! i try my best to be sweet and loving =) haha, yeah, i'm trying to make time for myself now. all those exams were getting to me. thanks for caring!
joe aka jopapa; you're special you awesome KP you, you get 2 props for 2 comments. ^_^ everyone go check out his blogspot. yeeeeeah!
miss marielle; 2 for 2 for you too! ^_^ you sure showed me a good time baby! hehe. next stop -- the CLUB, son! h2O on the rocks is the shit!
bestfriend jackie; it's SENT! i'm not sure if you got it yet, but it's in the hands of the USPS. lolsss. let me know when you get it! =)

peace out kids!

happy birthday mom!

well of course first i have to wish happy happy happy birthday to my mom! =) yes, today is my parent's birthday, a superb one too -- she got all the warm weather and sunshine today, and plus, it's doctor appreciation day; since my mom's a doctor, she gets double the props. hot! so of course, since it's my mom's birthday and her favorite thing to do is hang out with me [lol] i stayed home and had some quality time with my parents. heeh. we went around, ate at skylark diner, visited rin-rin and her new baby mayumi, and then just spent the rest of the day at home. it was so nice out that i couldn't pass up the perfect day to finally clean my car .. it hasn't been cleaned since last semester and it was looking pretty sad. so i busted all the works out .. soap up and polish up, vacuum.. and i know guys really like to take care of their cars, but girls can have mad love for their cars too. especially me. man, i just love looking at my car after i clean it. it's so sweet! so hopefully, it better be sunny for a good while when i go out driving because my car is awesomely clean. and i'm frickin tired now from all that wax on wax off thing .. i felt like i was the next karate kid with mr. miyagi. lol.

so, today, i refuse to study anything at all for the whole day. after studying hard core for more than a week, not to mention going to all my classes [that's right, i don't skip class to study for exams. =P] i am all textbook/notes/learning-ed out. i finally got my statistics, physiology, and sociology exams out of the way .. and now, starting tomorrow, i have to go on a supreme orgo [aka organic chemistry] love fest. i've got labs to do, a lab exam, a lab, a quiz in lecture, and an exam for lecture .. wow. orgo is some boyfriend -- he's always there for me but never gives me any good lovin'. hahaha .. just joking, i just hope that i kill this exam because it's my last chance to pull it out in this class. i can't believe my semester only has about a month left. where did the time go?! and what did i do with my life!? haha. i kinda miss how in high school, our exams were spread out because being the bright and intelligent kids that we were in the honors program, all our teachers knew us by name and we all had the same exact schedules .. so we always managed to pull the leverage so as to not schedule exams -- err, tests on the same day. but now, rutgers couldn't care less if you were in a state of panic, your exam is when it is. sheesh .. haha. but i'm not going to study today or tonight .. i need a frickin break. yikes .. one more week of hell. just one more week! :screams:

this week; was eh -- you know. full of exams. haha. but! i did start my first day of work this week at the computer lab @ arc. man, i never knew how crazy things got in the morning there.. and being on the other side helps me to empathize when i go and use the computers at the lab. so, yes, i am a working student! i always thought working students were so cool because they would always sound so busy and committed, and of course have money and some sort of baller status. now, i get to join this elite group of employed college people. nice. though, i'm still the president of broke ass ho incorporated, since i only work 3 hrs, i make about one andrew jackson a week. haha. hey, it's a start. =) and then, monday was also my last hip-hop class. :sadness: i'm going to miss going to it every monday. well, maybe next year i'll take it again .. but then again, i want to take something new. maybe .. ballroom? just like take the lead! wow, i still want to see that movie. i missed the free pre-screening for rutgers students last weekend because i had to be a loser and study. and no one to go with. lol. oh well .. it's okay .. not every day i go see a movie, so i don't mind paying, i guess. haha. so, who wants to go with me now? ^_^ then, thursday, went to eskrima -- learned some kind of a ninja roll .. chyeah i'm cool `;D and some grappling -- err, well, self-defense tactics to me, because i'm scared to grapple. and spar. and engage in fierce combat. lol. why am i in eskrima again? LOL, joke! it's fun =D and now, here we are at friday, home chillen. =) i think i want to start swimming at the pool at the gym at school .. and i think i just typed it to remind myself that i want to do it .. haha .. so, yeah. still working on that goal to be a pussycat doll. like for serious, they are my idols. haha. well now i am kind of tired and have nothing else to say. i think i want to go to sleep early .. and finish some other shit. okay, i'll catch you all on the flip side lovers and friends. peeeeeeace.

"i like filipinos. they're asian, but not cocky about it." -- karen, from will&grace

<3 to:
joe aka jopapa; yes, color coordination shall be my specialty. haha.
jess; i miss you! i hope PSU is treating you well. we really have to catch up soon! =)
star; awww thanks! =) you're awesome! take care!
bestfriend jackie; ahahahahahaha x1000. :-D you crack me up! my letter is coming soon. for seeerious .. `;D

i don't want to be a stupid girl

hello lovers and friends. so it is friday once again, and as is in my weekly blogging tradition, i am here to update you on the statuses of my life. i'm loving all the feedback i'm getting every week .. it's flattering to see that people actually read your shit. lol. =) but anyways .. so it's the first week back from spring break and i'm just glad that i don't have any exams this week. lol. but then again, yeah, i've begun to study my brains out for the madness coming in the next 2 weeks. someone please help me i think i'm going into brain overload. i think the whole time management thing is really kicking in and kicking in reeeal soon. lol. rcdt practice is bound to happen soon .. apparently we're performing for the barrio fiesta/play/performance in the end of april .. not sure what we're doing, but since it's primarily promoted for the enjoyment of the rutgers community, there's not much pressure to outdo another group. lol. i miss my rcdt crew .. those long and tedious practices over the course of a month really brings people together. they say people bond more when they go through traumatic and extenuating circumstances. not to say that practice was traumatic .. lols, i'm just kidding. we all know practice was a lot of fun. =) so of course, i need to work that into my schedule .. but hey, i think i'll be okay .. the intensity will probably come after my 2 weeks of madness so i'll be fine. so just in case, if you're in the area and not busy, come check out our performace! ^_^

and as i'm typing away in my blog right now.. ironically, i have the incessant urge to go and study. but at the same time, i'm really tired and you know me, the last thing i want to do for fun is study. but it's that time of the semester again .. time to feel extensively overwhelmed with the plethora of exams and other assignments that plague me. the endless cycle continues .. and i plan on taking it one day at a time .. even with my tendency to look ahead and constantly dwell on what i should be doing tonight, tomorrow, and for the rest of the 2 weeks. but, after april 9, the weight will be off .. so hopefully i can take a breather. i'm so drained -- physically, mentally, and emotionally .. wow. i need to do something fun, and soon. before i lose my sanity. haha. today my friend the super-est sam and i had an intense and crazy systems physiology session today. as in, i don't think i've ever studied that much or that hard at one time. granted, yes, there have been times where i have been deep in thought processing information so that i guarantee and convince myself that i know exactly what is going on and reassure my confidence in my abilities. but i think i've truly reached a new limit this time. it's so much information, all at once, and i have to remember it all. wow .. but i'm glad that we were productive, and i can successfully say,

that one of the primary goals of the metabolic processes in our body is to sustain the amount of glucose in order to provide key energy for the central nervous system.
.. therefore, go eat some candy. but don't eat too much.
because the excess glucose is converted into triglycerides that get stored in adipose tissue.
and don't go on low-carb diets.
because the amino acids you take in actually get converted into glucose anyway.
.. so go have a slice of bread, okay? nice.

wow, i think i was a little too esoteric up in that blog. i think my smartness just came out. sweet, i still got it. HOT. [lol, i'm not even sure i used esoteric right in that context, but it sure is my favorite word. =)] but, moving on to a new effervescent topic.. my hip hop class is ending on monday! i'm sad. :sadness: and i am working on finding a replacement to maintain the oh-so-killer bod that i'm toning up for bikini season. that's right kids, no one likes to see all that junk in the trunk showing over the summer at the beach. hmmm, does anyone have any suggestions? i really suck at, working out. haha. i went to the gym on busch [the campus i was on at rutgers xP] by myself one tuesday night after my statistics class.. and i felt kind of corny because being the -- person that i am, i can't even lift some of the equipment and a lot of the equipment weighs just about as much as i do. yeah, i know, i'm sad. and when i was at the gym, i noticed how much of a social activity working out was.. and which was probably the reason why i more successful getting my workout in a class setting like my hip-hop class compared to working out on a machine. it's just not working for me .. haha. so, that night, somehow, i fell into joining the eskrima club at school. it's a long story .. all extraneous details aside, it was really fun. lol. i felt special learning this whole new thing and feeling coordinated. it's like dancing .. ^_^ except i get to carry a cool stick and learn how to defend myself. sweeeeet. when i came home, my parents weren't exactly thrilled that their young daughter stayed out late to learn how to stickfight. so it really kind of annoyed me .. because you know, i kind of want the support of my parents .. after all, being their child, shouldn't they support me in whatever i choose to partake in with my life? anyways, it's not like i'm doing drugs or engaging in something that is detrimental to myself. so, in a way illustrative of a social concept i learned last semester in social psychology .. when someone tells you not to do anything, the more you want to do it because you feel like your freedom is being limited. so, there you go. lol. yay eskrima .. yay for me. lol. does anyone want to buy me some bamboo sticks? haha. i think i want them for my birthday.
and after thought and typing, this blog is done. and so long! lol. peeeeeeace out son.

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; you're freaking awesome. i love you. we are going to tear new york city apart. =)
star; thank you so much for your 2 comments .. especially the second one! it was very inspiring and it made me feel a lot better. thank you! :)
joe aka jopapa; this dude is the coolest. he's on the cutting edge. no joke. he's gonna save the world and then play guitar. HOT. ^_^
renee; OMG yes. i can't wait to go to dylan's candy bar! i actually want to have my 21st birthday there. and i want to take the whole store home. haha. =) and i think kelly ripa is the coolest.. even more so now for having a party there. lol.

socks for my tigress

hiiiii people -- yeah, so, wow, it's the end of my spring break! already! whoaaa .. time sure does fly in a week when you're not really doing anything. just like now .. i kind of gave up on my orgo lab. damn .. i had so long to do it and stupid karma just had to bite me in the ass and make my orgo book disappear! why why why! oh well, it's okay, problem solved [i.e. i got another one =X] and i'm back on track. or so i think .. but anyways! so yeah, i basically just hung out with my family for most of my spring break.. that picture right there is from mary's house when we got together for her birthday party up in her house. yeah, i know, you sweat me and mary's cool pic. =) and then, i just hit up NYC just like i promised myself. man, i don't know about everyone else, but i personally think NYC has got to be the best city in the whole -- country. lol. i don't think any other city compares .. and this is coming from someone who lives in new jersey. haha. but it really is a grrrreat city, and i love visiting it. i don't know about living there, i get really frustrated when i can't tell the difference about going uptown, midtown, or downtown.. and when all the streets kind of look -- well, similar. lol. but when you're where you want to be, new york city is pretty damn hot. though, i still love buying my clothes in new jersey better. it's tax-free in this state for clothes! lol. but i got some awesome shoes in new york city .. they really have the best sneaker joints up there.. even just the ones that aren't really the high-priced nike-sb-exclusive boutiques that have so much street cred. sorry, way too overpriced for my broke-ass college budget. but i love the asics that i got over there. christine and gillian said to me that the sales guy was hitting on me, but i couldn't tell .. and i got 10 bucks off the sneakers because i threatened not to get them. lol. maybe eventually i'll be as cool as my mom and bargain lower for my shoes. but .. i'll have to wait until i go back to nyc again during summer vacation. i sure love new jersey transit .. ^_^ and! when i go back, i promise promise x1000 to myself that i go to dylan's candy bar. i didn't get a chance to go this time, but that place is colorful candy heaven. wooooo ..! =) maybe one day, i'll even be able to go clubbing in NYC. it sure looks like a lot of fun .. ^_^ maybe over the summer, so the threat of cold and school isn't weighing too much on my mind. sigh .. i haven't been out clubbing in a while .. i want to go dancing, but i'm too lazy to plan a night out. anyone want to do it for me? =) haha .. wow, it's the end of my spring break, and instead, time to think about all the homework that i thought i was going to do over break. i'm trying to actually squeeze it all at the end of my break so that i can just chill when i get back to school .. i can't believe my semester is already over soon! what is that. it went by so fast. i wonder if 3rd year [GOD willing] will go by just as fast.. and whether or not i'll have/need a date to the halfway-done party .. ehehehe .. `;D but then again .. let's not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? lol. i'll be mad happy if i can make through second year in one piece with some A's on my transcript and a satisfying semester under my records. orgo lab is almost done [thank you GOD! =)] and soon, organic chemistry itself will be over forever! i know that it is really hard.. but i also know that i got through this once, so now i just have to suck it up and take it because i know deep down in my heart i am fully capable of anything i set my mind to! wow, so, did you hear the resonating optimism in my voice? lol. sorry, everyone seems so down, and i know how it feels to be down in the dumps.. trust me, i've been down there many, many times over these past 2 [yes, only 2] years, and it sure kills sometimes. but we're all going through the same hell together! and we'll all make it out alive, one way or another. =) well, i guess this is really the end of my entry.. i can't really think of anything else to say, besides -- happy st. patrick's day! lol. =)

cute, huh? yeah, i know. =)

<3 to:
best friend jackie; ahahaha .. ! and i love el salvadoreans! =)
a star; my mysterious commenter! thanks for visiting ^_^ though, i sure do know a lot of filipinos, so i guess that doesn't really narrow down the field for me in terms of knowing who you are. haha.
[and the other 2 comments are from me. hahaha]

i'm blushing, can't you tell

well, it is the beginning of my spring break and since i'm due for an update, i thought that this would be the perfect time for an update. now i'm not one for vanity usually, that over there, my friends, is the result of 2 weeks of .. shit. a lot has happened since i last posted .. maybe too much, in fact .. that the inevitable stress and lack of sleep has taken its toll on my fragile body and now i have this cough that makes me sound like i've been smoking since i was born. yuck! so now, with the arrival of spring break .. means the arrival of 10 hours of sleep a day. and of course, the occasional studying here and there and hitting up the city with the phenoms and other fun characters.. that is, as soon as i fight off this self-limiting disease. lol ..
but anyways, so let me tell you all about what has happened since i last wrote up. well .. my friend sam and i didn't have such a great week and we deemed it proper that we should win the "sucks to be you" award for the week because our week wasn't too good. i had 1203981209 hours of practice for battle of the barrios w/ RCDT, zero hours of sleep, panic attacks, stress, a quiz, lab, and on top of that.. we found out that we have to go to summer school because pharmacy is stupid and one of our electives doesn't count. roar! battle of the barrios came, and i managed to have as much fun as i could with all the crap going on around me. lol. and i must admit, even though we didn't achieve our goal of defending our titles from last year, it was fun representing our school and cheering each other on when we performed. and of course, we were winners in other more important matters .. `;D hehe.
then after that, i think i might have partied a little too hard, because on sunday, my throat was so raw and i went to my review for my exam and i was pretty beat. and then monday comes and i'm feeling more raw in my throat and i still have to finish up my ass long lab reports. and then, tuesday comes, and to my tired surprise, the rawness of my throat was actually a sign of a self-limiting disease known as the common cold approaching and i managed to have a low fever of 100.5 degrees. so i took medication.. couldn't really remember anything i was trying to teach myself for my exam because you know .. my head is just out there from all of the drugs i was taking to make the symptoms go away .. and then wednesday comes and it's just bad .. i'm takin like 4 extra strength tylenols .. but then thursday comes and i am surprised that i made it all the way until 940 pm without completely dying and i manage to .. coherently not do well on my organic chemistry exam. of course, no one likes to be pessimisstic, but i seriously was about to cry when i walked out of the exam room it was that bad. but, it's over now, one can only hope that i at least passed the test by the skin of my teeth.. and if not, i really have to pull something good out of my ass. oh man..
but it's no time to be sad, it's spring break .. break that i have been looking forward to for a long time. time to rest, rejuvenate, reorganize, and rewrite all of the notes that i don't understand. lol. hopefully i'll get over my cold by next week, so i can go party, just like i said before .. and not completely waste my entire spring break on sleeping [but that's not a bad idea to do. hehe] i can't believe how fast my semester has gone by .. GOD willing, i'll be a 3rd year next year .. that pharmD degree is so close but still so far away. and the summer .. yeah, summer school, lol .. and hopefully a nice vacation away from new jersey. yippie!
well, another update again soon. talk to you later kids!

one more picture post:

the colors! the colors! lol.

<3 to:
a star; two props to you for leaving me 2 comments! battle of the barrios was a competition between the filipino organizations of some schools in the tri-state area hosted by rutgers new brunswick [the school i go to].
best friend jackie; for being my number 1 fan! hehehe. i love you girl!

no more torino

and so my beloved olympics is over! yesterday was the closing ceremony for the XX winter olympics in torino .. and i kinda missed the closing ceremony partly because i had filipino studies class and rcdt practice last night. but oh wells .. some things just have to take priority .. ahahhaha .. i just feel kind of sad that now i don't have anything to watch on tv. something about the olympics every 2 years just makes me so happy and i just watch them all the time. summer just gets crazy because the summer olympics are about a month long i think. and the winter ones were only 2 weeks .. i miss the olympics! it was so beautiful! tear* well, there's always 2008, then i get to watch the olympics in beijing in china! i wish i could go! oh man that would be so much fun. but anyways, yeah! so i feel like i've been due for an update for a while now it's just that i've been too lazy to actually update and say anything worthwhile. lol. things have been pretty hectic all around town .. especially with battle of the barrios coming in about less than a week. actually, 6 days. WHAAAAT!? lol. yeah.. that's what i'm sayin. oh man .. well, we're trying to outdo what we did last year .. which according to a many people [even the jealous ones, at that`;P] said that it was pretty frickin buckwild. =D [yeah son!] well hopefully it will be even more buckwilder, and fabulous-er .. and we'll just win again. just because we're the host school doesn't mean we can't win either .. he he he .. so i guess this will just be my own version of the winter er, spring olympic filipino dancing games. haha. okay guys! pray that survive this week of orgo quizzes and lab reports. =] though it's weird .. i feel like i should be more psyched about this .. and even though i sound really excited when i type all this junk in my weblog .. maybe i'm really just typing it to make myself feel better and to .. hear [or is it read?] myself talk. maybe it's all the stress of everything .. who knew 15 credits could be so tiring. plus, i got another email from the computer lab asking if i still wanted to work for them. the more they email me [especially for the fact that it's been weeks past the deadline] the more i keep thinking about taking the job. [i think it's some kind of psychological ploy. haha] but money is good .. and i keep doubting if i could handle it because i'm already tired without a job as it is and practicing and studying and lab reports and anything .. i don't know how i can even fit it all. lol. plus! i need time to relax GEEZ. haha. but money brings me one step closer to this:

wow it's pretty frickin awesome. it's an ibm thinkpad! yeeeheee! i've been wanting to get a laptop .. mainly because everyone has one [ahh the peer pressure. lol] and plus, the comfort of availability whenever i need to type something or whatever with online notetaking would be pretty sweet. i'm still debating this too .. this model is about $1,099.00 online .. and yeah, i'm kind of lacking 1 G in finances. but we'll see .. who knows .. maybe i don't really need a laptop after all until maybe i get to 5th or 6th year. only time will tell ..

but anyways, that's about the end of my entry. haha. oh yeah! if you want the complete info about battle of the barrios click on my xanga cuz i put the public service announcement there. =)

ps./ credits to aol sports and the lenovo website for the pics. haha

<3 to: tim; yes! everything is well =)
marielle; oh yes, we are so going `;D
renee; haha thanks for the compliment.. and yes, i'm 19. =]
a star; lol, yeah the flying tomato is my favorite. =) thanks for stopping by!

the end!

flying tomatos and snow

[click to enlarge] well so i was you know, sitting down, bullshitting around like i usually do .. and look out my window! can you see that snow! holy geez there's like 2 feet out there! i was tryna help my mom shovel the driveway .. but yeah i'm a weakling and i didn't get very far after an hour. that snow's brutal man! why couldn't the snow go to italy in the olympics because i'm sure they need the snow a lot more than we do here cuz you know heller! rutgers isn't gonna cancel school i don't think this snow is enough and it didn't come at the right time because it's the weekend! but then again, not like anyone's really gonna plow there .. oh wells .. i guess i'll just have to see tomorrow, i still have to finish my dumb lab reports and study for my exams that i've been putting off ever since the crazy orgo exam finished. lol. but would you look at that snow! oh man. it hasn't snowed this hard since i was in st. matthew's, back when i got a whole week off from school because of the snow. crazy! imagine if rutgers gave us a whole week off .. nahh. lols! so i got to stay home and do nothing and sleep and watch the flying tomato in the olympics! oh man, something about the olympics and tv and gold medals just makes people so hot. wow .. shaun white is hot. snowboarding is hot. HOT, son! lol, if he hit on me with his hot gold medal dude i would so be a groupie. ehehehe! that gold medal will definitely get the chicks. oh man, i want to go to the olympics. maybe i'll go to china to go to the olympics! or vancouver! so i can see the flying tomato again! or whatever! wow i really love the olympics. it's funny how there's like people from british virgin islands participating in the olympics with some oldie lady doing the luge as her sport and she's the only athlete .. hells yeah, i wanna be the athlete for the philippines, snowboarding or something or doing the skeleton or the luge! yeah! that would be hot i could get on tv and everything. ^_^ oh wells .. tomorrow's another day for olympics so i can be a fan of another person. like yesterday i was a fan of the speedskating guy chad [i forgot his last name lol] but he was hot he won a gold medal! way cool too! but sad, michelle kwan is out. she was so good, but just not good enough. sure she didn't win the gold but you know you remember her more than what's-her-name .. tara lipinski and sarah hughes. who cares about them! hahaha .. but good luck to emily hughes, she better win something or else it would be a waste. but then again, that just would show that michelle kwan was just the bomb! oh wells .. even though she lost, and apolo ohno lost, at least the flying tomato shaun white won. so yeah! i wish i had more to say, only that it sucks that it had to snow on vday, now i can't even wear my cool shoes anywhere but in buildings because the snow will just mess them up. argh! oh wells .. too bad .. haha .. i guess this is the end of my entry because i am going to sleep. or should i finish my lab report .. or study .. or bullshit around .. hehe i think i'll go with the last one. well good night everybody! =)

ps.// the silver medallist danny kass is from jersey! woooo he rocks! and look at the finnish guy. ahahaha .. .
pps.// props to nbcolympics.com for the pics. yehey! =)

<3 to: gillian and marielle for their long inspiring comments on my other blog. thank you i love you! =)

don't forget to breathe

you know.. for as far as i can remember .. with everything i've done people have always reminded me, "don't forget to breathe!" when i was learning how to swim at the Y the swim instructor would teach us how we needed to breathe to our side when we were learning the freestyle. when i used to take voice lessons [yes, a little known fact about angelica: she used to be a singer. haha] my voice teacher JP would always tell me, "don't forget to take a breath here." and when i was in orchestra, the conductor would remind the string instsruments, "don't forget to breathe with the wind section" -- something about how it would make us all come together on cue. and then when i was on the track team i would be running and running with my teammates and the coach would see us and would tell us, "don't forget to breathe! in through your nose! out through your mouth!" and through all of those moments .. you're made aware of some unconscious process that you usually take for granted. were i really not breathing? because i thought about it and if i really wasn't breathing then i'd probably be dead. i guess they were just trying to remind me to relax and stay calm.. versus hyperventilating, panicking, and/or missing my cue. lol.
even though it's only been the first couple of weeks of the semester, i feel like i'm suffocating already. every day i just keep going through the classes and i don't know where to take my breath of air. it's like the time i took this long dive into a pool on vacation one time.. and i look up through my googles and i see the surface of the air -- it's so close .. but those couple of seconds that i'm under water are the longest seconds of my life because i can feel the need to get some oxygen. every semester i think that .. maybe this semester will be okay and maybe it'll be the one where i'll chill and have a good time. but i just go and go and there are moments where i just want to break down and cry.. cry and tell them that maybe i've had enough for today .. let's come back when i'm good and ready again. but there seems to be no time when i'm good and ready. there are days when i'm by myself studying at home and i sit there at the table .. and i realize how much stuff i have due that week. and it hits me .. hits me like a brick or like a gunshot in the air -- i'm overwhelmed. and i don't know what to do .. i don't even know if my time management skills are effective enough .. if i'm studying hard enough, if i'm paying attention enough, if i've learned enough to competently pass my exam with flying colors and correctly run the procedure of my lab .. and i have the sense of panic come over my body and give me a massive headache that tylenol couldn't cure.
and then i wish for a break -- i wish to get out and do something .. anything, really, just to relieve the pressure. but at the same time i feel guilty .. guilty that i could have used the time to study some minute thing that i might have missed. this week was the whole, rush week of the greek organizations at rutgers. and it made me think of how uninvolved i was at school. but at the same time .. the panic comes and i think that it wouldn't be feasible for me because i need to get this grade and maintain this GPA. people in college tell me that the GPA doesn't matter as much anymore .. just passing is all you need .. just passing is hard enough. but something internally built inside of me is screaming to get that A, encoded deep within the depths of my brain. i want straight A's in college .. i want to be able to prove it to myself that i'm still the same academically capable person i was in grammar school and high school. and yet, with all of this drive and desire to be at the top, i still lack the motivation i'm looking for. i don't know what's throwing me off more in my quest for academic superiority -- the heaviness of my 4 day schoolweek, or the massiveness of this stupid 2-credit lab class that i fear every day of the week.
i guess with everything going on in school in pharmacy maybe i really do need a break. and i think i need a reminder that i really am smart .. i mean, i got into rutgers pharmacy, didn't i!? and i still have my scholarship, don't i!? i'm just scared that everything's going to get the best of me, and i really don't want that to happen. i don't know what to do with myself anymore .. i feel like a part of me is getting ripped to shreds. or maybe i just need a hug. lol. and another pineapple smoothies from i's cafe ..

ps.// i love my new weird valentine's day sneakers. =)
pps.// i don't have a valentine. =[ (with the exception of my friend tim, who designated himself as the official friend-valentine. lol.)
ppps.// another happier update soon. ^_^

<3 to: kicksaholic, who left me a comment on another entry; marielle, who i am going to take clubbing when she's legal; and jackie, my best friend who thought of filipino-cultural-dancing-inspired lingerie. hahaha ..

peeeeeeace lovers. =)

tired is an understatement

well hello my friends! wow, yeah, i should really be studying for my one and only organic chemistry lover but here i am! bullshitting around! haha. anyways .. so school started last week -- oh man, tell me why, the first day of school, the first class of my day, i felt like i was already scared and it wasn't even finals time yet. :sigh: i constantly feel this sudden urge to study something but when school starts on my extra extra heavy tuesdays and thursdays .. i crack open a book and all i kinda feel like doing is sleeping.
fwack .. i've saved this fcking post as a draft like 10398109132 times -- TODAY is my day to finally finish this damn entry. haha. well anyways .. school is really kicking my ass .. but i guess i'm doing pretty good about all the reading and shit -- okay, i didn't start reading sociology yet, whatever it's my frickin elective .. and i still have yet to take off the wrapping of my brand new superfrickinexpensive systems physiology book. ugh .. stupid textbooks. what garbage. it's all garbage .. tonight after my orgo love fest [yes, 3 back to back classes that all begin with "organic chemistry" in my schedule =P] i have wonderful pan-asian festival with my loving RCDT .. i love how we pull stuff out of our asses like 2 days before the performance. we're so frickin awesome -- i just love all those people. ^_^ and after that, tomorrow .. i have my stupid ass orgo lab at frickin 8am and i have to bring my stupid dishwashing gloves and stupid goggles. damn .. you would have thought that for 99 frickin cents our cheap ass school could provide us with that stuff. man .. just 2 more days until friday .. and then i can just sleep sleep sleep [oh, did i mention i have off on fridays? i know i'm so cool =D] but also study my ass off some more since i won't have the distraction of having to drag my ass to class. how ironic .. i'm more nerdy on the weekends. lol.
on another bright ironic note .. with the arrival of school comes the arrival of going out. i still think it's weird that i go out more when school's around .. even though i have so much other shit that's supposed to be higher on my list of priorities .. but i guess people need social ties or else they'll commit suicide or something [iono i heard it in sociology.] anyways, last saturday i hit up a college party with my homeslice christine and my crazy neighbor randy [lol] even though i know that deep down in my heart of hearts that i don't dig the college party scene at all. haha. but i guess .. what's college with a couple of college parties here and there .. by next year i'll probably feel old and won't go to the parties up in the dorms/suites/whatever anymore. i definitely think the club scene is more my cup of bubble tea [homeslice and i both agree] -- mainly because i don't drink [a sober college student!? :gasp!:] and i get really claustrophobic in those little boxes of a rooms they call dorms. granted, okay, so i sipped a little bit of what was in my red cup -- just to taste, and for the first time i really felt what peer pressure was like.. ahaha -- and even though it was considered really 'light' of a drink .. i didn't like it. still! haha. so instead i made like a cool faux partier and just held the cup for the look. lol! i get my buzz off of pure H2O. hell yes. =) well .. i don't know if i'll be partying anymore any time soon .. but going to college parties always leaves this bad taste and i just wanna take a breath mint by going to the club and dancing it off. of course there always comes the fine print .. but hey .. you only live once, right? right. =) maybe in a couple of weeks .. oh clubbing .. fun .. ^_^
in addition .. so battle of the barrios is coming up and i guess we have to start with some hard core BOTB practice sometimes soon. wow .. a month .. oh man. well, as is in my shameless plug tradition -- if you people aren't busy on march 04, 2006, and you happen to be in the tri-state area close enough to drive to new brunswick, nj .. come see battle of the barrios in the college ave gym! it'll be a lot of fun i promise ^_^ and you get to see me wear a cool costume! wooo!
and to conclude .. i can't wait until february 4. GOT ' EM! =D =D =D VALENTINE'S DAY is only good for a couple of things -- candy, hearts, red&pink, oh and SNEAKERS. =) if you didn't see already [i had a link in here before lol .. go check out kicksaholic =P], those are the only things keeping me going right now. haha. sure, they're GR, i don't frickin care .. starting now i'm gonna get every valentine's dunk that comes out until they stop making valentine's dunks. [and no, i don't like last year's dunk -- they were patent leather shiny red! i'll get those when they go down to like $5. haha .. ] anyways, i think those are gorgeous. yes. oh yes.
FINALLY, i updated. :satisfied:

<3 to:
jackie [yes i did get my class! woo! i miss you too thanks for my package! =)]; marielle [my fellow blogger =)]; and one goes to tim for commenting me on my other entry. =)

edit: pictures for your viewing pleasure =) i was too lazy to do it before. plus! pictures from this night's pan-asian festival. yippie! [click to enlarge!!]

can you say, red cups?


supersam and kassy


nothing turns people on more than butterfly sleeves and see through shirts. `;D