don't forget to breathe

you know.. for as far as i can remember .. with everything i've done people have always reminded me, "don't forget to breathe!" when i was learning how to swim at the Y the swim instructor would teach us how we needed to breathe to our side when we were learning the freestyle. when i used to take voice lessons [yes, a little known fact about angelica: she used to be a singer. haha] my voice teacher JP would always tell me, "don't forget to take a breath here." and when i was in orchestra, the conductor would remind the string instsruments, "don't forget to breathe with the wind section" -- something about how it would make us all come together on cue. and then when i was on the track team i would be running and running with my teammates and the coach would see us and would tell us, "don't forget to breathe! in through your nose! out through your mouth!" and through all of those moments .. you're made aware of some unconscious process that you usually take for granted. were i really not breathing? because i thought about it and if i really wasn't breathing then i'd probably be dead. i guess they were just trying to remind me to relax and stay calm.. versus hyperventilating, panicking, and/or missing my cue. lol.
even though it's only been the first couple of weeks of the semester, i feel like i'm suffocating already. every day i just keep going through the classes and i don't know where to take my breath of air. it's like the time i took this long dive into a pool on vacation one time.. and i look up through my googles and i see the surface of the air -- it's so close .. but those couple of seconds that i'm under water are the longest seconds of my life because i can feel the need to get some oxygen. every semester i think that .. maybe this semester will be okay and maybe it'll be the one where i'll chill and have a good time. but i just go and go and there are moments where i just want to break down and cry.. cry and tell them that maybe i've had enough for today .. let's come back when i'm good and ready again. but there seems to be no time when i'm good and ready. there are days when i'm by myself studying at home and i sit there at the table .. and i realize how much stuff i have due that week. and it hits me .. hits me like a brick or like a gunshot in the air -- i'm overwhelmed. and i don't know what to do .. i don't even know if my time management skills are effective enough .. if i'm studying hard enough, if i'm paying attention enough, if i've learned enough to competently pass my exam with flying colors and correctly run the procedure of my lab .. and i have the sense of panic come over my body and give me a massive headache that tylenol couldn't cure.
and then i wish for a break -- i wish to get out and do something .. anything, really, just to relieve the pressure. but at the same time i feel guilty .. guilty that i could have used the time to study some minute thing that i might have missed. this week was the whole, rush week of the greek organizations at rutgers. and it made me think of how uninvolved i was at school. but at the same time .. the panic comes and i think that it wouldn't be feasible for me because i need to get this grade and maintain this GPA. people in college tell me that the GPA doesn't matter as much anymore .. just passing is all you need .. just passing is hard enough. but something internally built inside of me is screaming to get that A, encoded deep within the depths of my brain. i want straight A's in college .. i want to be able to prove it to myself that i'm still the same academically capable person i was in grammar school and high school. and yet, with all of this drive and desire to be at the top, i still lack the motivation i'm looking for. i don't know what's throwing me off more in my quest for academic superiority -- the heaviness of my 4 day schoolweek, or the massiveness of this stupid 2-credit lab class that i fear every day of the week.
i guess with everything going on in school in pharmacy maybe i really do need a break. and i think i need a reminder that i really am smart .. i mean, i got into rutgers pharmacy, didn't i!? and i still have my scholarship, don't i!? i'm just scared that everything's going to get the best of me, and i really don't want that to happen. i don't know what to do with myself anymore .. i feel like a part of me is getting ripped to shreds. or maybe i just need a hug. lol. and another pineapple smoothies from i's cafe ..

ps.// i love my new weird valentine's day sneakers. =)
pps.// i don't have a valentine. =[ (with the exception of my friend tim, who designated himself as the official friend-valentine. lol.)
ppps.// another happier update soon. ^_^

<3 to: kicksaholic, who left me a comment on another entry; marielle, who i am going to take clubbing when she's legal; and jackie, my best friend who thought of filipino-cultural-dancing-inspired lingerie. hahaha ..

peeeeeeace lovers. =)

tired is an understatement

well hello my friends! wow, yeah, i should really be studying for my one and only organic chemistry lover but here i am! bullshitting around! haha. anyways .. so school started last week -- oh man, tell me why, the first day of school, the first class of my day, i felt like i was already scared and it wasn't even finals time yet. :sigh: i constantly feel this sudden urge to study something but when school starts on my extra extra heavy tuesdays and thursdays .. i crack open a book and all i kinda feel like doing is sleeping.
fwack .. i've saved this fcking post as a draft like 10398109132 times -- TODAY is my day to finally finish this damn entry. haha. well anyways .. school is really kicking my ass .. but i guess i'm doing pretty good about all the reading and shit -- okay, i didn't start reading sociology yet, whatever it's my frickin elective .. and i still have yet to take off the wrapping of my brand new superfrickinexpensive systems physiology book. ugh .. stupid textbooks. what garbage. it's all garbage .. tonight after my orgo love fest [yes, 3 back to back classes that all begin with "organic chemistry" in my schedule =P] i have wonderful pan-asian festival with my loving RCDT .. i love how we pull stuff out of our asses like 2 days before the performance. we're so frickin awesome -- i just love all those people. ^_^ and after that, tomorrow .. i have my stupid ass orgo lab at frickin 8am and i have to bring my stupid dishwashing gloves and stupid goggles. damn .. you would have thought that for 99 frickin cents our cheap ass school could provide us with that stuff. man .. just 2 more days until friday .. and then i can just sleep sleep sleep [oh, did i mention i have off on fridays? i know i'm so cool =D] but also study my ass off some more since i won't have the distraction of having to drag my ass to class. how ironic .. i'm more nerdy on the weekends. lol.
on another bright ironic note .. with the arrival of school comes the arrival of going out. i still think it's weird that i go out more when school's around .. even though i have so much other shit that's supposed to be higher on my list of priorities .. but i guess people need social ties or else they'll commit suicide or something [iono i heard it in sociology.] anyways, last saturday i hit up a college party with my homeslice christine and my crazy neighbor randy [lol] even though i know that deep down in my heart of hearts that i don't dig the college party scene at all. haha. but i guess .. what's college with a couple of college parties here and there .. by next year i'll probably feel old and won't go to the parties up in the dorms/suites/whatever anymore. i definitely think the club scene is more my cup of bubble tea [homeslice and i both agree] -- mainly because i don't drink [a sober college student!? :gasp!:] and i get really claustrophobic in those little boxes of a rooms they call dorms. granted, okay, so i sipped a little bit of what was in my red cup -- just to taste, and for the first time i really felt what peer pressure was like.. ahaha -- and even though it was considered really 'light' of a drink .. i didn't like it. still! haha. so instead i made like a cool faux partier and just held the cup for the look. lol! i get my buzz off of pure H2O. hell yes. =) well .. i don't know if i'll be partying anymore any time soon .. but going to college parties always leaves this bad taste and i just wanna take a breath mint by going to the club and dancing it off. of course there always comes the fine print .. but hey .. you only live once, right? right. =) maybe in a couple of weeks .. oh clubbing .. fun .. ^_^
in addition .. so battle of the barrios is coming up and i guess we have to start with some hard core BOTB practice sometimes soon. wow .. a month .. oh man. well, as is in my shameless plug tradition -- if you people aren't busy on march 04, 2006, and you happen to be in the tri-state area close enough to drive to new brunswick, nj .. come see battle of the barrios in the college ave gym! it'll be a lot of fun i promise ^_^ and you get to see me wear a cool costume! wooo!
and to conclude .. i can't wait until february 4. GOT ' EM! =D =D =D VALENTINE'S DAY is only good for a couple of things -- candy, hearts, red&pink, oh and SNEAKERS. =) if you didn't see already [i had a link in here before lol .. go check out kicksaholic =P], those are the only things keeping me going right now. haha. sure, they're GR, i don't frickin care .. starting now i'm gonna get every valentine's dunk that comes out until they stop making valentine's dunks. [and no, i don't like last year's dunk -- they were patent leather shiny red! i'll get those when they go down to like $5. haha .. ] anyways, i think those are gorgeous. yes. oh yes.
FINALLY, i updated. :satisfied:

<3 to:
jackie [yes i did get my class! woo! i miss you too thanks for my package! =)]; marielle [my fellow blogger =)]; and one goes to tim for commenting me on my other entry. =)

edit: pictures for your viewing pleasure =) i was too lazy to do it before. plus! pictures from this night's pan-asian festival. yippie! [click to enlarge!!]

can you say, red cups?


supersam and kassy


nothing turns people on more than butterfly sleeves and see through shirts. `;D

how about you leave me a comment?

lol .. yeah, i know, i changed it again -- i only had the other layout up for not even a month and here i go changing it again. but i can't help it, i was in such admiration of my random pink site that i decided to write in it. not only that, school is coming on tuesday [ :GASP: ] which will leave me little time to write in here again because of you know -- those panic attacks, orgo exams, other exams, dancing dancing .. and did i mention battle of the barrios is coming and so is the fiesta? lol. i hope i don't miss the fiesta this year like i did last year. because from what i heard it was a pretty good frickin time. wow, i'm surprised i'm in such a good mood right now .. i felt like such crap this morning when i woke up because this whole.. self-limiting cold thing is really a bitch. and plus, it's raining too, or sleeting .. i don't even know anymore. yuck. precipitation!
on another note, i'm still not registered for an elective for school and school is when -- in like 3 days!! what the hell!? how many people at this university have to take a freakin elective. MAN! well, i hope i get special permission or whatever for something .. maybe in a couple of days people will end up dropping something and taking something else. let's all just pray really hard people! =) i'm kind of torn of whether to push for an afternoon class that is closed, or an evening lecture that is closed, or take a friday class. but i kind of like having fridays off as of right now .. it makes me feel college-y.. ahaha .. in a weird way, i'm kind of excited to get back to school. probably because when you commute, "going back home" for winter break is no different from every other day you go back home after school. of course, who doesn't want break to end so soon -- especially me because i want more time to figure out this whole scheduling thing. and i didn't even get to go back to nyc. darn .. well, i guess, maybe over spring break. when it's warm and stuff like that. wooo!
finally, do you like my theme? yeah, i know it's early for valentine's day, but by that time i'll be so schooled up that i don't think i'll have time to make a valentine's layout. plus, it's one of those layouts that i think i could push it all the way to past february. cool, huh? =) oh man i love musiq. lol. who needs a boyfriend when i can just listen to his songs. JOKE ! but forreals, i love his songs. they're pretty frickin awesome. and the inspiration for this whole scheme. yups! sigh. but valentine's day can be a really annoying holiday. especially when you don't have a frickin valentine .. and on top of that, i have a pharmacy career fair that day. oh gee .. lol ..
well anyways, that was the end of my useless entry. oh! i forgot! i was supposed to put up a pic from chillen with my godsisters yesterday! lol. well i'll only put like 1. as my spotlight for today. =]
oh yeah my godsister cristina was takin the pic but she's supposed to be in it too. ^_^ i love you cristina! =)

well no shoutouts because no one left me a comment. boo.

the end.

some break this is // RU SCREW

wow. so school starts in less than a week .. and i don't even have all my required classes yet. why, you may ask? because of the infamous RU SCREW! or more specifically, the complications of being a pharmacy student in this day and age. next week is school and i don't have an orgo section, i don't have an elective .. man oh man. what am i going to do with my life. it sucks that i'm having panic/anxiety attacks way way even before the hint of finals. even the start of 2nd semester. oh, what have i done to anger the fates and bite me in the ass like this. i don't even know what to do anymore .. i've been abusing my email account emailed everyone from the dean of academic services, to his secretary, and the secretary of the organic chemistry department. hey man, i passed orgo fair and square .. and i hate to sound like i have a big head or to sound like i'm some kind of queen of the world or something, but i feel like i should have had first dibs on getting into this stupid class. moreso because it's not that i want to take it, i have to take it .. and not only that, i have to take it with the lab that f's up everything and i have to take it with the systems phys class that f's up everything too. so i mean, come on, it's not like i wanted all this crap to happen. and you woulda thought, having a list of all the shit you have to take for the semester would have made registering for classes that much easier because it's not like everyone and their mothers has to take what you to take anyways. but oh no no no my friend, it's that much worse .. and the stupid thing is that it's rutgers fault for deciding that those classes had to be at those times. come on now, wouldn't they have known by now by the 10293810293812 other pharmacy students that had to go through that.. that they should at least complement all the crap in the first place! come on now people, be logical !!! we all had to / have to / will have to take all this stuff man! geez man! and it's not like i dont want to take class in cook douglass! heck, i don't care! i can go hang out with homeslice up in that piece! geez! i can't even register for that! geez!

ROAR!

and plus i still have to find an elective! okay tell me why every single intro course is closed?!?!?! come on people! how many frickin people in my frickin school have to take the frickin electives?!?! geez!! why do they have to make my life harder than it already is! man oh man! this degree better be worth all this stupid shit that i have to go through like a bajillion times right now because man oh man i am so fricken frustrated! this frickin sucks man! MAN ! geez! what the hell ! as you can tell i'm really irritated! man ! i was talking to my friend jay and he said that i should inhale, exhale because i need to relax. HOW CAN I RELAX!?! lol. oh man .. this is what i get for being an anal-retentive / OCD / anxiety ridden pharmacy student. i just hope those anxiety attacks go away soon. man .. maybe i should do something fun before the start of break. sigh x10000. i'm just saying .. this degree better be worth all of this. i think i deserve a new pair of shoes because of this. even though i just got a pair of wedges. i want another pair of wedges. and sneakers. and the emancipation of mimi. and some gas for my car. and a whole other lot of things .. .

to conclude i would like to end by saying that i love my parents a whole lot.
as well as i love my cousin jenn, my ate, my cousins/relatives mary and gabe, ate mercy, ineng, jeremy.. my entire family including my 5th cousins that i haven't met yet ..
kuya, homeslice, bga heads, godsisters, my friend eddie with his precious dead laptop, my friend jay, and a whole other bunch of people. including you. `;D
i really like saying that i love people. i think it's important in people's lives. go on, tell someone you love them. i bet you it would make you feel a whole lot better. =) it sure made me feel better.

okay well i'm done. peeeeeeeeeace .. .

[may i just edit and say that ms. axelrod of the chem department is super frickin awesome! and you know who else is super frickin awesome?! super sam! =) i'm in orgo guyssss yesssss]

♥ to: my anonymous commenter. =]

as my youth continues to waste away ..

.. i'm sure that most of you on winter break have done something productive with all of your lives. haha. me, not really, with the exception of going to new york city [scroll down for previous entry] and random trips for ice cream with mary, trips to the mall [window shopping, of course], random useless trips with my parents to useless places, and hanging out with my cousin jenn .. i have been slowly wasting away my youth [and my break] sitting at home doing nothing. you can even ask gabe .. he talks to me in his boredom in 8th period to try and alleve my boredom sitting at the computer doing nothing. ironically .. in all of this boredom i'm too lazy to make plans and actually carry them out. if only i could .. just .. drive by myself. [no, school doesn't count -- i do that like every single day during the semester. i mean like going-out type driving! like hanging-out-with-people driving!] however, if you don't know me for very long you wouldn't really completely understand my situation. which in essence .. is pretty complicated and bordering on ridiculous-ness and other such confusions. and you would probably end up being really frustrated with me and the world and all the rules.. and to alleviate the stress for you, you would just stop being my friend all together and result to avoidance and not hanging out with me so that you don't feel so bad about breaking the friendship off with me. lol. i'm just joking.

for example, today, is friday night, and i'm at home, shorty, not partying the night away.

sometimes i wish it was that simple for me to just be like, "bye parents! i'm going out for the night! see ya i'll be back later! call me if you need me!" HOWEVER, that is not the case, going out for me is complete with planning, bargaining, compromising, negotiating, escape, money, transportation.. and other such amenities. i bet you my situation could be turned into some kind of sudoku-like puzzle that people could solve on yahoo/msn games. people ask me all the time, "why don't you just rebel.."

.. and forfeit my reputation in my wonderful bill-paying parent's eyes and position as number 1 wonderful conservative traditional respectful daughter? .. ha ha ha ha ha ha that's a good one there friend. i don't think running away is a good option for me -- where am i going to go, what am i going to do .. hell, i don't even have any money in my pocket to get me to freaking menlo.

i guess it's easier for people who live with brothers and sisters to deal with their parents -- at least you have each other to lean on.. for me, when my parents are mad at me and think i'm a piece of shit .. well, you don't want to experience the feeling of complete silence and threat all by yourself. and then the only person who can really comfort yourself in person is, well, you. and maybe your stuffed animals too. man .. .

ate mercy always tells me i need to get out more. no wonder she's like my 2nd mom. oh man .. maybe i should just go to gabe's house. if he's even home .. .

and i think that's all i have to say. man boredom has reached its peak today, huh?

<3 to: CF and jackie for comments. happy new year to you both!

the end.

fun in new york + 2005 recap

well hello people! yes, i changed my layout again, most only because it's not christmas anymore .. so yeah, kinda had to put something for the new year, yeah? wow, i can't believe that it's already the end of 2005! what happened to my year!? hahaha. i decided to write again because this is probably going to be my last post of the new year .. and plus it doesn't hurt that i actually have something to write about and all that good stuff. haha. christmas was pretty cool .. and pretty hectic too, i went to like 3 gatherings in the span of those 2 days. on like 4 hours of sleep too. haha. oh man, midnight mass was so long .. ahahhaha .. but to everyone, i hope you had a super fantastic christmas and got everything you wanted/needed/deserved! lol.

so the day before yesterday [december 27] i hit up new york city with christine the homeslice and gillian the lady. lol. it was pretty frickin awesome .. we went to the museum of modern art which was soo cool because i got to see andy warhol, roy lichtenstein, and picasso and monet in real life! whAat! i felt so honored to be in the presence of greatness. and after getting immersed in modern arts and culture, we hit up random stores on 5th ave and ate @ patsy's [i think] -- some cute little pizzeria on lexington. and then! we went to this frickin awesome dylan's candy bar -- oh man it was candy heaven. but there were too many little kids so i kinda didn't have the patience [or will to spend $12 on a candy container lol] to buy anything in there. though i saw this frickin awesome shirt that said eye candy on it. oh man it was so cute. i wanna have my birthday party there! watch it cost like $102938102938102. poo! maybe after i graduate .. or maybe if i have a buttload of money for my 21st birthday .. he he he .. =) and then we hit up the subway and went to SoHo .. which is pretty frickin awesome .. they have stores in there with madd onitsuka tiger asics and one piece dunks and other nice pieces of expensive merchandise! oh man. next time i will have to pull something out of my broke ass ho budget so i can reeeeallly go shopping in new york. who knew the cost of living there was so high!? oh man! this is probably why i live in new jersey. the state with no tax on clothes. yeah! and i sure did love the all-day pass metro card i got. too bad i forgot to find out how much i had on my other metro card .. oh wells. lol. and it's gonna expire too! whaaaat .. oh wells. haha. and then my mom freaked a freak when it was about 8 pm [i know right?! 8:00 pm!!? go figure lol] and we hit up to head back to penn station to go back to good old new jersey. at least i can say i did something this break .. lol .. i hope to go back again before i have to go back to good old school. so who wants to come?

okay pics for your visual stimulation: [click to enlarge!]

and well here is my recap of 2005 .. in survey form! =)

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? oh man .. go to the club and come home @ around 4 am. lol.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? haha i always forget. of course i will -- i resolve to go to the gym. i promise this time ! ahahha
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? mmmm .. i don't think so?
4. Did anyone close to you die? yes .. sadly. rest in peace mr. norm!
5. What countries did you visit? countries? HAH .. i didn't even leave the frickin tri-state area. how sad. lol
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? time .. patience .. focus. lol. that's about it i guess?
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? oh that's a toughie. probably the day we went out clubbing -- nov. 20th? OH YEAH .. battle of the barrios! though i forgot what day that was. lol.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? getting through my first year of pharmacy school! yay go me! =)
9. What was your biggest failure? that would have to be ORGO. lol
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? nope .. :grateful: =)
11. What was the best thing you bought? well well .. as a broke ass ho? lol .. it would have to be my 5 pairs of dunks. and my chococat school bag.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? mmmm .. i would like to celebrate how i passed organic chemistry. =] and when i performed in halo-halloween with gillian and with dustin. yeay! and and and .. writing summaries for the QPiDs blog! YEAH! =)
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? you wouldn't believe me if i told you.
14. Where did most of your money go? f-o-o-d. and g-a-s. lol. and also s-n-e-a-k-e-r-s. hehe =)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? completing my much awaited sneaker project! yes! and winter break! yes! and well .. summer vacation! well back in the day. hahaha
16. what song will always remind you of 2005? lol i have a couple --
-- especially for you by MYMP
-- you'll be safe here by rivermaya
-- dito sa puso ko : the Qpids theme!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? lol .. probably about the same? not really sadder .. maybe just more tired. haha
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? lol .. hard core studying? hahaha .. going on vacation?! lolll
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? wasting time .. hahahaha
20. How will you be spending Christmas? this year: godsisters, mary's, and mafia in long island
20. How will you be spending New Years? ninang fely's -- it never changes. lol
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? lol .. how about "in like." and let's leave it at that .. `;D
23. How many one-night stands? none! !
24. What was your favorite TV program? QPiDS .. law and order .. and other shows on filipino television that would secretly brainwash me. haha
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? lol .. not sure?
26. What was the best book you read? that would have to be -- ORGANIC CHEMISTRY!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? g love and special sauce. LOLLL .. oh and musiq too. ^_^ and MYMP!!!
28. What did you want and got? dunks, asics, crystals.. and did i mention, a parokya ni edgar cd?
30. What was your favorite film of this year? i saw napoleon dynamite! lollll .. yeah i rented it. haha
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 19 -- "finally" as some people would say.. haha. i took my sociology of medicine and health care final, went around and around with sam, people came over my house and ate my food. woopie!
32. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? lol .. . . actually i'm happy with what i have/had/etc. =) wait a minute .. it would have to be GOING ON A FRICKIN VACATION PEOPLE!!!!
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? i would have to say.. skirts, dunks, track jackets/hoodies, leg warmers, knee highs, and a pharmacy hoodie.
34. What kept you sane? having lunch with my homeslice .. hanging out with my mom! lol
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? the roco twins! hah! joke =]
36. What political issue stirred you the most? lol i don't even remember what happened .. maybe the stuff about the pope?
37. Who did you miss? my best friend. and mr. norm. =,(
38. Who was the best new person you met? that would have to be my friend Jay. oh! i forgot! i met my friend eddie too in the beginning of the year! so yeah .. them 2. lol =)
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
when all else fails, GOD is always by my side.
my mom worries too much but only because she loves me.
don't take classes for granted.
spend more quality time with the people who matter.
don't lose touch w/ friends.
the filipino channel is more than good.
i was meant to be here.
i still know how to play the piano . .ahahhaa
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"i try to focus my attention
but i feel so ADD
i need some help, some inspiration,
but it's not coming easily "

oh! and another one! haha .. only because it cracks me up .. ahahahhahah
"they say i'm really sexy
the boys they wanna sex me
they always standing next to me
always dancing next to me"


and i would like to give shoutouts to the following people .. i found out that i kinda have to give shoutouts because after like .. 3-5 months all my comments get deleted! so sadness. so here goes!
+ christine -- wowowee's frickin awesome. and so is new york! =) i love you homeslice!
+ tim -- i'm glad i had a good birthday too =)
+ jackie -- i love you too best friend!
+ sam -- lollll .. so i almost got hit by the car .. hahahaha .. yeay ice cream and acetone! =)
+ hya -- i love you too godsister!

okay the end. peeeeeeeeace ! =)

whoa now! =)

Auto response from angelica: guess what today is ;-)


my last day of finals! and the winter solstice!
ahah .. i'm frrreeeeeeeeee!! HOORAY !! !
sociology of med&hlthcare final - mall w/ sam -
food w/ cool people - bumming around ! he he he
leave one / hit the cell / hit my house / whatever



Auto response from christine:
[. . .]
-happy 19th birthday to my homeslice, O:-) iCA! :-D
christine: look at the busy birthday girl! ;-):-D

mary: well well well
mary: f it aint youre 19th birthday
mary: have a good one ang!
mary: happy birthday
mary: i will be there
mary: no worries
mary: but i got ishness to do first
mary: so ill see your ass later!
mary: woo ang!


johan: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELICA !!!!!
johan: lol have a good one
johan: take carez pce

nicole: happy 19th birthday ang! =)

mae: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL !

jessica: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

kriste: omg isnt ur birthday approaching
kriste: orr did it pass
kriste: man ..
kriste: lol
angelica: it's today bebe kriste ! =)
kriste: OMG
kriste: TODAY IS tha 21st
kriste: SORRRRRRRRRRRRY
kriste: i never keep track with what day it is
kriste: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGELICA ..
kriste: ur 19
kriste: and ima be that age in like 5 months
kriste: LOL

jackie: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANG!!!!!!!!! I hope this message finds you in good spirits and good health. Have a wonderful day!!

-- while bitching over micro tonight --

jenna: its ur bday? HAPPY B-dAY ANG !!!
jenna: nd gliuck on ur micro final !! ^^

++ so anyways .. if you didn't know by now, captain obvious would slap you in the face and tell you that today is my birthday! ahahahha. it was a fun day today .. i realized that i don't have a picture with my first super party-er supersam, because she had to leave early and i kinda forgot. :sadness: but it's okay .. supersam! we needa take a pic for this! my sociology exam just sucked, you can even ask her, so to drown our worries we went to menlo to kill time [we got out at like 830 am and killed time and went to menlo by 930 am] and had coldstone and wandered around the mall. much fun! and sam was cracking up because i was looking for acetone at home depot and i almost got hit by a car. ahahhaha .. but i copped some, some from harmon.. woopie! now i can get started soon on my sneaker project. top secret! hahaha. and then, i had cool people come over and eat food in my house .. apparently it's some kind of tradition to have "handa" [a meal] on your birthday and celebrate it and stuff. well i did, even ate my pancit [noodles for long life] and just stayed home the whole day. yeah! it was funny because i told people to come if they could -- it's exam week at rutgers and everyone's schedule is just f'ed up before break -- so people were showing up in shifts. [click to enlarge each picture]

the afternoon shift:


gian, aaron, mary, gillian, me, christine, eddie


.. and the early evening shift:


tim, ate, jeremy, jen, me, hya, cristina


.. and the evening shift:


my mom and dad


and tiffany! =)


.. and the very very final late night guest:


gabe.
hahaha ..

it was madd fun to spend time with people you love just doing nothing. =) yesterday i was watching some special with barbara walters and she was talking about "where is heaven? how do we get there?" and the end point was that heaven was a place where you were peaceful and happy. so like that song said -- my favorite one by dj sammy & yanou -- i guess that was a piece of heaven. [hell yeah, i got mushy/deep on you huh? ahahhaah ..] it's times like these that remind you of how great it is to be with people you love. especially after a bitch-ass finals week. which may i add, i am not free, i hate you stupid intro to microeconomics. oh man, my stomach sure does hurt from eating all that food. tomorrow i shall truly be free .. and hopefully the MTA will come to a solution so i can go have a little fun in new york. =) who knew the news was so mesmerizing? hahaha .. and wowowee too. i have been brainwashed by filipino television. lol. i have more pics from today .. but still have to sort them and facebook them/webshots them etc etc etc ..

anyways, winter break = fun. [hopefully.] so let's get the chillen and the party started. yeah!

+ to my mom and dad -- i love you parents.
+ to my godsisters -- since birth and through the rest of time .. "get down on it." thank you for the craziness. <3 love you lots!
+ to my phenoms -- you girls are more than fantastic. i love you 2!
+ to mary and gabe -- yeah i love you both too. haha.
+ to the rest of my family -- i love you family. =)
+ to my random friends that don't quite have a group [sam, tim, aaron, gian, and eddie lol] -- i + love coldstone and sushi and fake boyfriends and fobolous and music. i love you 5!
+ to everyone that celebrated my birthday with me -- thank you. i love you. :)
+ to everyone that couldn't make it -- you know i still love you anyway. ^_^

[shoutouts to bestfriend jackie and jenna -- my commenters. more love! <3]

okay bye i love you person for reading this. :)

hi i'm BORED

wow so usually i'd wait before writing another post in my site but you know what! I'M SO FRICKEN BORED! i thought that i reached the pinnacle of boredom sitting in my intro to microeconomics class but no -- i felt so fricken bored today! geez! first it snowed like a mother [well at least mother nature wanted to make it seem like it snowed like a mother] and so i just skipped orgo recitation because you know, who wants to drive in that white fluffy stuff they call snow. not me, well, not my mom and not my dad too. haha. so i woke up and yeah, feeling like woo! snow! and then you know the 2 crazy kids across the street had no school [it's sick bishop ahr closes school like that :snaps fingers: and when you go to rutgers it takes like 10 feet to get classes cancelled for the day] and so after the snow magically stopped i went across the street and made mary come out and play in the snow with me. well, first, we shovelled her driveway and then we made a snowman and then some snow angels too. it was weird because like you'd be expecting it to be really really cold -10 degrees outside and ironically it was pretty warm. then again, i was wearing 5 layers. he he he. me and mary's snowman [actually mary calls ours like a snow baby because it's kind of little haha] was mad nice -- it had like 3 parts to it and it rocked my hat and scarf. to which i got a headache from the cold weather. lol .. i sure do love snow people. haha. and then, i went inside, and did nothing, and was bored. and by bored i mean really really bored. i tried everything -- ate, napped, studied, played the piano -- but eh, i just really didn't feel like doing anything or going anywhere. so i was bored but too lazy to do anything. what a horrible combination. what a waste of a day i didn't even do anything but play a computer online game -- smacky the squirrel! sure does get those frustrations out when youre smacking happy happy squirrels .. and zuma too! oh man. but i managed to get some studying done for social psychology -- `cause you know, exams are in a couple of days and soon -- [11 days to be exact!] my first semester of sophomore year will be OVER! HALE-FREAKING-LLUiAH! it will definitely be time to celebrate after my last exam, person! oh man oh man, it's so close and yet so far. and then i can work on my special sneaker project [provided that my crystals come in time! yikes!] woopie!
darn, i still have to go christmas shopping.. with the little money i have i need to cop a couple of presents here and there .. especially for my godchildren -- cinderella and.. money! haha. come to think of it, i want some cookies and milk. and some hot chocolate. at red lion cafe at rutgers they have maddd good hot chocolate there with the works and shit and it's like $1.50. mmmmm yum. i don't even know what i'm doing tomorrow [today, depending what the time stamp is on this post haha] because supposedly there's a party in St. Matthew for SMPAA and eh .. line dancing! hahaha. gotta love those random Filipino parties. with random people ..
oh man i could go for some candy canes too. there are some kick ass candy canes by starburst they taste like fruit punch. and then hershey's they have chocolate mint candy canes. i donated money to the toys for tots in menlo mall just so i could get the free candy cane. of course i wanted to like help the old man's cause but you know. there were candy canes there! and i had spare change! so i got the free standard peppermint red and white ones. when i eat those i really feel like it's christmas. man you could get sick off those things. but then it gets all played out and shit. i'm gonna get like the super fantastic candy canes and give them out to people and be like "happy freakin christmas man have a candy cane." but then again they have like these rainbow candy canes and like .. you wanna eat them, but it looks kind of freaky because like, who really has rainbow colors when you celebrate christmas. it kind of looks like a candy cane on like exstacy or some shit like that. the only rainbow christmas junk i know is like, the parol we have outside. but yeah, i never really liked those candy canes cuz they look way too freaky. i mean i like the green, red, and white ones. now those are some hot shit. they just taste weird after you eat about .. 10 of them at a time. yeah, not good. and then when i was little we used to put candy canes on our christmas tree and then not eat them .. what a waste of candy. haha .. it would be like january 5 or something and like you know you don't wanna be eating some old ass candy cane that's been there.
oh man i love christmas candy. it's like halloween candy but better because like .. i don't know. it has this cool foil wrapping on it and they even come out with special candies and flavors. like hershey's they come out with mint kisses wrapped in green checkered kisses foil. i miss how when i was in grammar school we used to have christmas parties and like get these special bags filled with christmas candy and then they would yell at us and be like "you can't eat the candy now you have to eat it at home." now you all know you ate the candy right then and there and when you got home there wasn't much candy left. lol. but it was still fricken awesome. too bad we don't have those in college. free candy in class! that would be fricken awesome. i be like, hell yeah! oh wells. i think i need to hit up shoprite or something and get me some christmas candy. even the little crispy crunch things that look like santa. but then i feel bad because i like bit off santa's head. darn, i can never win. lol. mmmmm .. choco yummies ..
you know what else is good -- umm, pan fried noodles. wow, i really want some of that too. i hope we get to eat that at christmas in mary's house and we get the good stuff from china bowl. mmmm .. pan fried noodles .. okay wow i sound like some kind of hungry starving child. and i'm not even hungry. wow ..
and you know what else i want to get a christmas tree. what kind of ghetto family doesn't even have a christmas tree for christmas. mine! haha. i mean we have a small fiber optic tree but it's like in the freakin window. i want like one that i can put presents under! someone get me a christmas tree so that i can put it in my house. haha .. no rockefeller trees tho. joke joke! maybe i'll just buy one from rag shop or something. small, and i'll decorate it all for myself. yeay christmas!
did i mention i like MYMP. okay i did now. man oh man i should have asked someone to get me their cd from the philippines. they are so freakin awesome. when i go to the philippines i'm gonna see them in concert man. them and parokya ni edgar. man oh man .. ahahha ..

well well well that is the end of my random entry.

i have one shoutout to give to the awesomest mistakenly asian el salvadorean nerd chic arizonian brick city random conversation spanish radio blasting adventure having architect in training soon to be partying with best-est-est friend in the whole wide world amen forever jackie. =)

the end. good night everybody!

it's that time again

well hello everyone! wow, so here i am, wasting time that i could be using to study my substitution nucleophilic bimolecular reactions [try saying that 3 times fast `;P] LOL .. joke joke, i'm sure organic chemistry can wait while i update my weblog and write a little bit in here. as you can see i finally got the motivation to change my layout .. i really liked my teen titans layout but i think i had to change it so you know, i could be in tune with the season and everything. in church today the monsignor in guardian angels was tellin all the people how in the stores they won't allow the employees to say "merry christmas" to the customers .. and i really thought about it and i was like, yeah that sucks .. ! he said that if it wasn't for Jesus there would be no Christmas in the first place -- my Jewish friend even told me that the only reason chanukkah [sp?] is so big is because of christmas and the Jewish people didn't want to feel left out. and she said i think -- yom kippur and passover were way bigger holidays in the Jewish calendar. food for thought, huh? so at least, i'm gonna say merry christmas to people .. unless you're buying presents for "holiday" .. i think i feel more comfortable saying merry christmas. even if you're not christian you should still be able to get the good wishes from my religion. so there. `;P

ironically i've been going out more and more as the year comes to a close .. i thought after my last spree i'd be staying home for quite a while because after all .. all this going out gets pretty tiring. but then again, being by yourself can only be fun for so long -- trust me on this one. haha. and these past 2 events were planned for in advance so i couldn't really not go. haha. it's funny that as soon as i quit my job, people started to give me a lot of reasons why i shouldn't be working on the weekends -- "angelica! there's a party this weekend! and then next weekend there's this! and then after that is this!" wow .. i feel so special. and social. woopie! =) haha. but then again, there's also my weekly exam schedule that starts from next week until the 21st -- yes, as i've been saying, i do have an exam on my birthday. yuck! so i think i'll have to be cutting back on the weekend sprees so i can actually get shit done on those days. as well as all the other days in the week. ahhh school, books, yuck. hey, that's life for you in college. unless you don't care.. and that's a different story ..

so last week i had 2 parties to go to on the same day -- first was my godson jeremy's birthday party, and then was pretty princess mae's sweet sixteen. sure was one hectic day ..

at jeremy's party, i never felt more old in my life. haha. every day i get teased at for being "so young" [after all, i'm only going to be 19 while everyone else is 20+ haha] but that day, i was actually 15+ years older than a good number of the guests at the party. haha. all the kids were so cute, especially my godson, who if you glanced at him quickly, you would think he was a white kid/mixed. lols! joke joke, he's still so cute. they had a person come in to dress up like elmo and entertain the children, and it was hilarious that all of the small children and babies started crying. i think they were all traumatized .. and it made me kind of glad that i never had some character like that at my birthday party because GOD knows i'd be freakin out at that age. but i gotta give the dude credit for trying .. at least you're wearing a character mask and when someone like me takes your picture, we can't fully humiliate you. just kidding ^_^ my godson was pretty funny -- he was pretty unaffected and the whole time he had this expression on his face like "what the hell is the big deal." no smiling, just chillen there the whole time while all of his contemporaries cried their lungs out. i couldn't help but just laugh the whole time at the whole scene. i still remember how it was when i was little, going to countless birthday parties of GOD-knows-who and playing with random children who were the sons/daughters of random family friends. i guess at that age you just needed random kids at your party because in your own family there weren't enough. and plus, you just wanted your kid to like, learn how to be social and make new friends as a little kid.. and then when i got older i forgot who i used to play with, and then i'd randomly see them again nowadays and be like -- didn't i used to play tag/hide-and-go-seek/run around/etc. etc. with you? and vaguely, the memories would come back. i want to see all of those little kids when they grow up in about 10-15 years.. who knows, they might end up dating or something. but then again, if your parents kinda know who you would be in to, it's a little uncomfortable. haha ..

then, after a mad dash home to change, mary, gabe, angelo, and i headed off to mae's sweet sixteen. personally i think i looked busted in all my pics, but hey, it was a cool hairstyle.. i think. haha. unlike me, mae looked positively gorgeous .. it stunned me to think how she used to be the young girl i would wave at when we were back in st. matthews. and look at her now, all grown up! haha. i think her party was just about the last sweet sixteen i had to go to for this point in my life .. you would think in college i was finished with these parties. haha. i think i was the oldest non-relative there [with the exception of johan and reggie -- they don't count because they're part of the whole crew of things. haha] mary & co. did a surprise dance for her that came out really nice .. they even did a mini-modern waltz to *nsync's "gone" that i kind of wish i got to dance in a cotillion. sometimes i wish i was in more cotillion things in high school .. i was basically in only 2 -- mine and mary's -- as well as a couple of modern/surprise dance things that i did too. eh, well, i still got to go to the parties and collect all the little figurines .. you should see the whole collection at my house. haha. when i have a daughter i hope she'll agree to have a sweet sixteen too .. some people think it's a waste of money but you know, i look back on mine .. and that's about the only day next to your wedding where you get treated like a star. it's pretty hot, unless you're not comfortable with all that attention. haha. and here are some more pictures .. [click to enlarge]

mae and me


mae's luxurious cake


me and my fake boyfriend aaron


mae and gabe
they have a friendship that is so cute it's envious. =]

and yesterday, i went to a college party at rutgers. well, first, i spontaneously went to applebee's with my homeslice .. it was weird because i had already eaten dinner, but hey, it was friday night. lol. applebee's was swarming with people .. it was a birthday celebration for christine's friend julian and i guess word got out prettyy fast lol. we didn't really eat, and we bounced, along with my neighbor randy [lol] and his friend chris. we ended up going to rutgers, out of nowhere, at some random party in the suites. it was pretty funny when i came home, my mom was making fun of me and she called me a party crasher because i didn't really know whose party i was at. but at the party, i think i finally realized and admit that you know what, i don't really mesh well with the whole college party scene. first, i don't drink .. and that's like the whole point of the party .. to get boozed up. i think i'm more conservative than people tend to remember .. i get offered drinks and i'm thankful that i have the strength to politely refuse. if you really want to know, i didn't have that much of a good time at that party that i was at [it's not like the dude is going to read this -- whoever's party it was -- after all, he doesn't even know me lol] and yeah, i'm glad i went home as early as i could. being there made me wish i was at a club -- even though clubbing is like $30+ dollars when i go and i'm ass broke at least i know i'm gonna have a way better time .. even with the wrinkly funny old 40+ year olds who are there. lols! so yeah, maybe i should be hitting the clubs up instead .. definitely no more college parties for me. i .. just .. don't .. like them. haha.

on a final note, i want to go to new york city before new year's eve. during medical sociology with super sam i found a metrocard on the floor. i want to see if anything's on it -- and if so, hey! free ride on the subway until new year's eve. ^_^ plus, i just want to go to new york in general .. just for fun .. even if i am a broke ass hoe. so do you want to come with me? seriously! =)

and now, i'm going across the street for gabe's family dinner party. so until next time .. i'll catch you kids later. =)

quick shoutouts to -- marielle, christine [homeslice], eddie, kassy.. and bestfriend jackie gets 2 for 2. haha. ^_^

aiiiiiiight peeeeeeeace. <3

you only live once // for the night

well hello everyone out there! wow, i was surprised by all the comments -- i never knew people liked to read my contemplations on life. so with that positive feedback, i guess i should write another one. haha. of course it helps that i have something to write about. =)
+ and this entry is partially dedicated to my homeslice and the stilleto-queen babae

so anyways, these past couple of days have been slightly eventful .. more eventful than people realize, but hey that's life for you. lol.
on thursday it was my homeslice christine's 20th birthday .. haha yeah she's making me look real old since you know i still have a month to go before i hit 19. haha. we had a small celebration in the CAC student center .. it was really funny because people were staring at us while we sang happy birthday to her with lit candles atop a brownie mountain. luckily the sprinkler above us didn't go off from the smoke. haha. and it was nice to have lunch with a whole bunch of people talking about stupid shit -- especially about sex songs. [lol ask gillian about them because she knows a ton. =P] it made me realize how important it is for people to get together often .. you don't often notice how you lose touch with people and we often take our friendships for granted .. eating lunch with my favorite people on thursdays definitely made for a way better semester than if i was eating all alone. haha. i hope next semester i get to chill with these people again. and if not, we're gonna make time dammit. =) and also, i realized how much i'm going to miss my ethics classmates .. they're all so funny, and so unlike pharmacy .. it makes me glad i take the most random electives. "too much metal!" lol. and now i have methods of which to analyze my life. and which i'm probably going to use here. ahh philosophy. it's great.

on friday, i officially gave my 2 weeks notice for my job @ esprit , my weekend eater. i guess with everything that's going on in school and all the crap i have to deal with there, i felt like i was taking another college course in addition to the 16-17 credits i have to deal with everyday. it stresses me out how seriously they really want me to take this job. i mean, come on, it's retail. if people don't want to buy it, i shouldn't have to cry about why shit's not selling in the store. ugh.. and my co-worker amira quit too .. it was pretty ironic and funny because we're about the same [18-19 year old college students who look young] and we just quit within 2 weeks of each other. yeahh .. i really don't feel like i belong sometimes and it's such a hard change when you pretend to be a 30 year old and people still think you're in high school. wow. but then again, when i was at work, i felt like i was kind of going to miss it, because most of my co-workers are chill people except for you-know-who. ["she's a mess!" hahaha] but oh wells, i believe things happen for a reason, and hopefully some miracle of fate will lead me to something better.

yesterday, i had work and afterwards i did some major partying with my favorite people. and for one night, i was a rebellious, apathetic, dangerous, pushing-the-boundaries, staying-out-too-late broke-ass teenager like so many others have been in my generation -- with the exception of me breaking the mold about 4 years late. haha. and i did come home way too late. haha. i mean, i don't party a lot--"if you know me, you're probably thinking, wow, angelica? come home later than late? yeah right!" but i did, and wow, it sure was fun. christine and i noticed how it's like i'm more conservative than gillian but i have more leeway than she does when we go out. pretty weird, huh? of course, this was the first time in a long time that my parents were pretty heated when i came home .. my mom said to me when i walked into the bathroom @ 345am: "why did you come home? you should have stayed at wherever you were at 4am." granted, i bet she was really really tired [my parents try and do the staying-up-late contest to see who can stay up the latest until i come home] and when i called and entered they wouldn't pick up the phone so i had to let myself in. and as i could feel her negativity and heatness amidst her groggy demeanor.. yeah i felt pretty bad about staying out that late. honestly i know how it must feel to wonder where your kid is, wandering around out way past midnight -- plus it doesn't help that i'm the only one. once i took gabe to a session at rutgers [=x] and his dad called me asking where he was. now at the moment i left gabe there to fend and i had no idea whether he made it to the session or not. and like the slick kids we are we did some beguiling to get around some things. for a hot minute i got so worried -- i was scared that maybe gabe got butt raped and he was in a ditch at rutgers. and i felt so enlightened -- wow, this is how my parents must feel when i'm out chillen with the homies at this time. hmmm. but then i also think that -- we only live once:
while i was in ethics class we learned about how maybe it's not good to try and be moral all the time because it leads to some unattractive characteristics. so i was wondering, so does this mean it's good to be bad? hmmm. maybe. haha. when i was young my godsisters used to tell me that i had to be a little bad to have a little fun. and now, "mature" and "wise" as i am now, i realize the truth in it all. for so many years i have tried to please my parents -- not only with grades, but also politely refusing requests to go out because i was afraid they would get mad -- and sadly missing out on a lot of what would have been fun experiences. but since i'm older now, and "responsible" .. i think they're learning that it's okay to let their over-protected young daughter to experience life, make mistakes, and live like an americanized filipino -- after all, i call, pick up the phone, and i do come home, late as it may be. i know my older cousins have done worse shit in 2 years of their lives than i have pulled in all my years in high school and my 1.5 years of college. even mary and gabe have done worse shit than i have. =X and they sure as hell turned out okay. so in conclusion, i guess i'm not in the running to be a moral saint. =P
and when we were at the club last night christine and i saw these wrinkly 40-year old ladies trying to get their groove on with all the 18-mid 20 year olds. and i told christine, "when we get to that age remind me that we're not going to go clubbing anymore." i kind of felt embarrassed for them, and plus, it didn't help that they were wasted beyond belief. so i thought that.. yeah, i really need to get my clubbing time out of the way while i'm still young&fresh. haha. how many times am i going to be 18, 19, 21.. and dance and actually look hot doing it. lol .. i want to be able to say to my kids, "yeah i did body rolls .. this is how me and your titas danced when we used to hit up the clubs." and not tell them about how their grandma and grandpa wouldn't let me do shit. so at least, you know, i have some kind of perogative when i'm up their ass telling them they can't go. cuz i've been there. damn straight! hahaha .. i guess my life isn't really as miserable as i tell people -- i get out, and when i do, it's pretty fricken spectacular. kind of like one of those one night only deals. and clubbing is definitely one of those things that you can only do once every couple of months .. staying out way too late is definitely a killer on the system. plus, it's hard to find a good clubbing crowd -- since stephen and jason from laguna beach were there, there were all these white trash girls thinkin they were the shit. ewwww .. it was pretty grimy. that and i'm kind of sick of hearing kanye west's song golddigger. but it was still fun -- i mean, $23, i can't let that go to waste. and i think i'm not ready to do another stay out til 4am deals, kids. if i didn't have my contacts on i probably would have fallen asleep. lol. 2-3 am is a pretty ideal time. at this rate, i think my parents should just let me sleep over someone's house. forreals. well i guess i'll just have to wait for another escapade to come. lols .. too bad, i wish i would have ordered some disco fries from the diner. maybe next time ..

and today, i managed to pull my ass out of bed with 4ish hours of sleep and drag my ass to work for a 7 hour workday. now that's what's up right there people. and i studied some orgo and ethics to compensate for my escapade last night -- and to my delight i managed to keep my attention at it for about an hour. ^_^ and i guess that concludes my long ass entry. haha. sorry i didn't put any pictures up with it .. i do have some, but eh, maybe i'll edit this with pictures.
i think i'm going to go watch law&order now. and crossing jordan. and catch up on my sleep. lol. bye bye lovers.

wow, i have a lot of shoutouts to give now. madd niiiiiice ..

shoutouts go to :
eddie / ned -- i must really know it now, huh?`;P thanks for the comment ^_^
bestfriend jackie -- i love this chick. a crackhouse that sells bootleg dunks .. LOL .. oh man
"stiletto-queen babae" gil -- yes that's my new title for you. and i'm glad you enjoyed my entry like some kind of fine piece of literary work. haha. i<3you.
kassy -- i miss you ! i hope school is going well for you =)
jenna -- thanks for the comment! i really appreciate your opinion. i'll definitely let you know about the GNYO. =)

okay bye. =)

this is crap

yeah so .. i had a crappy day today. actually, it wasn't that crappy in the beginning because today is thursday, which means that i get to have lunch with my favorite people. but anyways, yeah so i thought that maybe i could alleviate some of my crap feelings by writing in something that always seems to bring me joy even though it is a complete waste of time. granted, i really should be studying for my social psychology exam -- the last exam i have before my beloved thanksgiving break and the last exam before the end of the world comes -- but as ate mercy said, "if you're all books all the time angie you're gonna go crazy." which is true, but then again .. i've already lost my mind and i'm not as fully immersed in my readings as i should be. geez, i hate reading. it's definitely not fundamental.
so, i'm sitting here, rarely do i actually say my contemplations of life, partially for the most part, i feel like i'm just wasting kilobytes and typing energy saying things that no one would really care to hear. i mean come on, wouldn't you rather hear about how i went out to a "killer party" with my current non-existent boyfriend and all of those life long adventures and stories? of course you would, don't deny it. there's a reasoning within my ethics class -- they call it apriori statements or some shit like that -- it's where you just happen to know things just by "sitting in your arm chair" [as my ethics professor put it] and contemplating about them. well, so yeah, that's what i'm doing, and unless you're one to enjoy learning from others what they think about the meanings of life, or if you're looking for some visual stimulation .. i suggest you scroll downwards because all of that information was given in the previous entry. but anyways ..
so i have truly been contemplating the meanings of life for the past couple of days. i don't even know why, i usually try not to take myself too seriously because then i usually end up misinterpreting something that was really meant to be taken lightly. gillian said to me that apparently i'm lucky to have such a "happy-go-lucky" attitude about things. which is true, she made me realize how i just let things go instead of thinking things through. and i wish i kind of had that happy-go-lucky feeling right about now .. because the whole type A business is not very good. actually, it's too much for me. no wonder they have so many heart problems. but anyways .. now as you know pharmacy -- well i'm in it. haha. but pharmacy is no easy task. actually, it's really really hard. of course you knew that, time and time again i go to my site here and complain about how i can't take it anymore. but i fail to mention that sometimes, i seriously think that i accidentally went into the wrong major. now don't get me wrong, mrs. d'addio is not a faulty advisor for telling me to go into this career field. but everything i feel like doing -- like saving the world, starting a sneaker shop, even working for a drug company at the least -- calls me to be in a different major. but i feel like i can't go .. even though i feel day in and day out that i'm so tired. all these years of people telling me how great i am it's a harsh reality to find out that you're average. i'm starting not to believe in all of the positive statements anymore. am i really going to be making boku bucks after this program? when i was talking to my friend ron he said that it seems like it's everyone else's aspirations except for mine. and sam says .. "it's not 'we can't do it,' it's 'do we want to do it..' " and everyday i feel like this doesn't feel right. and the more wrong it feels for some reason .. the more i want to stay. even if this is the wrong thing i just want to prove to myself that i can be one of those 50-something people who actually make it out of this program alive. and this program is full of a lot of very uptight people who really don't click with my easygoing personality. heck, i don't think this program clicks with my easygoing personality. but then again, i guess college is hard for everyone, not just me, and i think i just have really bad coping mechanisms with stress. or a bad memory when it comes to memorizing facts for school. i think my frustration is reaching an all time high.. higher than it's ever been before .. and i don't even know how to explain it -- i just feel so tired of this grind. yet i'm biting my words that i said in the summer .. complaining about how bored i was from having a lack of something to do. i just wish there wasn't so much pressure about everything ..
when i really think about my life, contrary to what gil says .. when i really really think about my life .. it's really hard for me. because the one time i try and plan for my future, it's too much. i think about graduating, getting a job, then i have to get a house, pay bills, get married, raise some kids -- but what about all the other plans i have for myself? it's hard for me to conceive of giving up things. apparently i'm really being self-centered here. but i guess i have a right, i'm only almost 19 and according to my parents i should only be concerned with myself.

in the end, there is only one thing i know that is certain ..
organic chemistry 307 sucks.
and i need a vacation.

shoutouts to -- jackie, CF, and gil for comments. i love you all.

move your body girl

heylo everyone! wellllll it is sunday which means, tomorrow is monday, which means, angelica has to go back to school. boo! but anyways.. i said i would write a better entry when i had something more worthwhile to say and well i guess that is the time ! hahaha. yesterday [10.22] was halo-halloween for RAPS and yours truly performed in front of the loving tri-state area crowd. [not to mention my super-supportive mom and dad. haha] but anyways, i think this halo-halloween was funner than last year, even though it was also confusing too, with all the practicing and then almost having no piano but then having 2 and then this and that and rain and cold ! wahhhh ! lol. it was pretty stressful but really fun too. and plus i didn't make a fool out of myself playing piano. =) [miss irene, mrs. wang, sister sharon (GOD rest her soul), sumi kwon, mrs. wastko, and olga would have all been proud of me. haha] and i finally danced the tinikling, with my bestest partner dustin, and even though we messed up we still rocked cuz we kept on going ! yeay for us ^_^ there are so many talented people around here, you wonder why they're not on like TFC or something or ryan cayabyab's world musikahan. it was funny to just wander around everywhere for the whole show .. and to see so many people i actually knew. whoa ! i hope everyone enjoyed the show. =) i even got to eat food this year! hell yeah ^_^ and then afterwards, i got to go clubbing with my super fantastic hot sexy [did i mention single? LOL] homeslice christine!! =) oh she's the awesome-est. :) i after-partied/clubbed for the first time in my life @ club platinum and danced the night away with my favorite college people. yahoo! man i sure do love to dance at a dancing place. haha ! of course, definitely no alcohol for me kasi i'm underage. they even took my license as collateral! scary, no? and remind me to purchase some form of clubbing shirt and/or pants. hahaha .. but then again, clubbing is way too tiring and i don't know how people can just do it night after night .. or even weekend after weekend! heck, i think that was my clubbing for the whole semester. haha! it was madd funny in there cuz there were like these oldies everywhere .. i felt super young and all and some wrinkly lady was getting her groove on. uh oh! i wonder if i'm 40 am i still gonna be doing that too. who knows .. but anyways yeah yesterday was too much fun. =) lol, it was so much fun i don't even know what to say. hahahaha .. wellllll .. i think i'm going to go watch law&order, and crossing jordan .. man i sure do love those police shows. oh yeah which reminds me! chuck the mc of halo-halloween is too funny. i think he should be a comedian ^_^ okay well bye people !

special shoutouts go to everyone who performed @ halo-halloween especially the sexy RCDT and the even sexier Gillian who i accompanied =)

and shoutouts --
my homeslice christine :: i may be cute but you're just on fire! `;D i heart you tons!!
bestfriend jackie :: i miss you! forreals one day we're gonna live la vida loca together. ^_^
and one goes to mari who commented me like last month but on a july entry. lol. thanks for visiting! i love MYMP too =)

one more thing! pictures for your visual enjoyment [did i mention you can click to enlarge? haha]

jon santos in the action!



innocent? annie says "hell no!" LOL joke :)



me and supersam [angel style] before the action



dustin&me in the tinikling!



piano and supersam the page turner


gillian singing!


oh christine is definitely in the action.. hehehe ..


pre-platinum sexyness

okay peeeeeeace people ! LLP!

it's raining cats and dogs!

holy moly people !! tell me why it's been raining for the past 3 days here in new jersey. gosh! i'm sick of the freaking rain, the wetness, and the coldness! i mean i like cold but i don't like wet and cold nah mean? well anyways, today was another fun fun day at school. NOT! lol. well of course it's always most definitely fun when i get to hang out with my homeslices and eat lunch and talk about stupid stuff. haha. anyways, today, when me and gil went to look at the piano to see how it would bees when we would play in halo-halloween next saturday .. oh man! it was a steinway! oh man it was so beautiful. the thing is, there were no keys! what the hell!? lol. i hope we find those keys because getting to play on a steinway would be amazing. steinway is just the most beautiful-est pianos in the whole wide world. when i get rich from pharmacy there will be a beautiful steinway in my house. a very expensive, beautiful steinway in my house. in my house i buy. LOL! how will i ever have any money i'm just gonna keep spending it all. lol. but man, that piano is a work of art no joke! wellsss .. i think that's all i really had to say right now. that and so yeah driving in the rain is not fun either. i think i'm getting to be really good at that whole thing.

and thanks to bryanboy i want a louis vuitton denim bag. his stuff is hot! and he is just fabulous. lol.

anywayss .. my favorite-est show QPiDS ended a couple of weeks ago ! i'm kind of sad .. i really miss looking forward to watching it and writing summaries to my dear friend CF. congrats to PawEl for winning -- even though i think JaRla should have won! heller ! lol. well i just like to thank everyone who made my QPiDs experience as fun as it could be --
CF from the QPiDs blog, Kuya Joey aka TFC Godfather, Margaux w/ the inside scoop, all the Qpids CQA's, Sam & Camille & all the adorkables, the JaRlans, the JilWyn nation, the MhyZel fanatics, the Qpids Yahoo group, the Qpids PEx people, everyone who cared about Qpids..
and of course all the loveteams for giving me something to watch and write about. ^_^ i wish you the best in all your careers! hopefully they'll get a show or something. yeah! and if i wasn't racked up with college i would write more summaries. haha !

well good night friends! LLP [live long and prosper!]

hey look! 11:11! make a wish `;D

shoutouts to --
my best friend Jackie -- muy caliente ! =D
CF -- hello ! =)

try to focus my attention ..

hello all ! i kinda tried to give up being an online junkie for the sake of my schooling [trust me, checking everything online takes up a lot of time that i could be doing .. er .. reading haha] but i couldn't stay away.. because i love the computer and all that shit. plus, i tried giving up xanga and everyone was like, whaaaaa?! haha. so, here i am, i waited until i had something good to say so that just in case i really do wanna stop and cut back on this writing thing, at least i'll have said something .. worthwhile? lol. but anyways .. school has been -- HARD! lol. as mary would say, school has been garbage, but i mean, i'm paying for this shit so at least i'm gonna try and make the best of it. for some reason, i've been cracking open books this semester like almost every other day, unlike last year, i didn't even touch my textbooks. lol. but everything's takin its toll on me -- goodness, how i feel so tired like all the time now, with work and school and everything else i'm tryna join. but really, i'm just tryna make sure that GPA stays up. damn .. lol.
having class on college ave isn't as bad as i think i'm making it out for myself.. sure, the smoking around me 24/7 is so terrible [i hate the smell and look of smoking, i hate cigarettes, i hate everything that has to do with smoking -- i promise i'm NEVER EVER GOING TO SMOKE. yuck!] but at least i get to see my homeslicess this semester! yeah ! and plus lots of stuff just randomly goes on in college ave and that's pretty cool too. so yeah .. tryna study and junk, i think i really need a study buddy.. anyone reading this that goes to rutgers [and knows me lol] if you're willing to be my study buddy hit me up ! cuz GOD knows i need somebody to just make me sit there and try and read. and like, it's not even about learning, it's like just tryna memorize and remember everything .. damn. lol plus, 2 exams on the same day!? i think i need a vacation .. or at least a day to have some more fun. but anyways ..
today was a pretty good day today, had ethics class [which sometimes i don't know what the hell my professor is talking about, i guess that's the fun in it all .. it's so unlike pharmacy, but that's what makes it hard too] and me and homeslice christine acted like nerds reading and when we were walking down the street we bought hurricane katrina bracelets that say "wave of hope." from some fraternity on college ave .. i forget which one -- i think it was delta kappa epsilon, but i'll get back to you on that one. haha. the frat brother guy was really nice to us, i guess he really wanted us to buy a bracelet, he even told me my socks were cool.. and when i saw them they were so cute because they matched the color of my socks. haha. so yeah, now i'm gonna sport my super cool blue bracelet. ^_^
and ! another fantastic part of my day was that my shoes from ebay came in!! hooray! i'm so happy, i was really lucky to score my awesome pair of dunks from biekerssneakers! and and i would just like to give a shoutout to the biekerssneakers people [and mr. eddie bieker i think he's the owner of it lol] for being super cool and super fast with my service! super duper ebayer. =) yahoo! ^_^ iono if i'm going to buy anymore from ebay .. i guess it depends if i get another opportunity like that and i win kicks for an awesome price. :) i like being a sneakerhead .. sometimes there's guys who blow up my spot because i only have like 4 pairs and they didn't cost more than like 60 or 70 bucks .. geez .. but you know what? for me, it's more about quality instead of quantity.. people be havin 40 - 50 pairs of kicks but it's like .. are you really gonna wear them all? each of my kicks to me are special, and i wear them all. [i/e .. i don't sell my shoes. haha oh yeah, i think i should clean them sometime..] of course, i guess everyone says that about their shoes .. lol. so i guess .. when i see another deserving pair with a reasonable price for my broke-ass college budget, you'll definitely hear about it. lol. but anyways, here are some pretty pictures .. cuz i know you sweat these =D


so yeah .. that's basically it about my life! gonna go watch dancing with the stars .. and try and read some more .. oh man .. well anyways, bye!

shoutouts go to --
gillian : thanks for your extra long comment. the puppy. lol .. ^_^
jackie : i'm glad you like my butterfly sleeves .. hehehe =D
mary : i should go to your house again for no reason more often. haha
tim : thanks for the comment! :)

peeeeeace !

schooool daaaaaze .. and dunks!

oh my forsheezy school is biting me in the ass ! and it's only been not even a week! holy mother of pearl i think i'm going to die! since this is like the only really free time i have [i seem to always start class pretty late -- my earliest is like 9 lol .. then again i get out my latest is like 6] today i have class at like 2.. but i have to leave early to pay my parking ticket ! what a bummer ! stupid parktran you can really kiss my ass. roar! like 10293810983012 people commute at this damn school and we all get screwed over. >=/ oh wells. but anyways .. with school in full swing it gives me stuff to do -- homework! ahhhhhh ! i never thought i'd hate reading as much i do. everything i have to do is read! read read read. wahhhh i don't wanna go to school anymore =( but i mean school is still cool because i get to make new friends and talk to random people and yeah! how wonderful ^_^ christine tells me she's pulling an 'angelica' when she be's extra friendly. wahoo i get an action named after me. yeah!
and one crappy thing i found out from school is that i have an exam on my birthday! now how much does that suck!? roar i was so sad when i found out. supersam was like 'yeah so just take it, go back to sleep [the exam's @ 8 am] and then wake up like it never happened!' ahh but i'll still know! ahhhhh. i deserve a new pair of sneakers for that! which leads me to ..
these! according to my research [and my friend phil haha] they're apparently the island pack dunks or something. well, whatever they are, they are the prettiest and weirdest dunks i've ever seen in my life! ohhhh man how could i not want them. i have the money, i think i should just buy them for myself because after all, not like i'm going to really be going out spending my lovely money [unless it's to feed myself at school hahaha] anyways! so i should just get those and save them for myself for my birthday! i don't care if i don't get anything else! well, except for maybe a cake. i'd really like a cake from la bonbonerrie or maybe from shoprite! well since i have an exam i should get an extra cake too. so ha. so yeah! and i check pickyourshoes.com everyday [props to them for the pick hahaha] to make sure my size is still there! and if anyone is out there who loves me a lot and wants to purchase these for me i promis i'll pay you back! unless it's gratis which is also nice and then guess what i'll love you for life! my mom says i have too many sneakers already, and she always yells at me every time i find a new pair that i drool over for a month, but i don't really care, because if i want to be a sneaker head that's my problem! i'm working for it anyway! lol. but i promise [i always make this promise] one two more pairs of nice dunks [namely, those up there and the white on whites i saw -- even though they ran out in my size! =( ] and i'll stop buying and looking at dunks like crazy. promise! i won't drool over dunks until after i graduate. or at least, get a credit card and a really really good paying job. hahaha ..

and ! a couple of pictures for people who like to visit my site for the pictures. =P

miss christine and niko .. he he he

yeah who's cool. ^_^

okay that is the end of my blog! i have to eat breakfast and still go to school. organic chemistry roar! maybe next time i'll write a longer blog when i have something to write about. or maybe when i can remember what to write about. lolss ..

and .. shoutouts go to my homeslice christine for being the only one who left me a comment. i heart you!

peeeeeeeeeeeace!