fighting temptations

so as 90% of my 1st round exams are coming to a close, things aren't really looking up .. well, i mean, i've only gotten like 3 grades, and they're not very promising, which is really dissappointing because i thought i was doing something right and i would do better than i did. apparently i was wrong, and it's really frustrating because i don't know what to do anymore, i don't want to stress out about this, i don't want to have to pull all-nighters like my friends do, i want to be confident in what i study but i always feel like i have dyslexia when i read even though i feel like things are okay in class. again, again i feel like this .. i guess, i should talk to the TA now so i don't fall into a trap since i was close to the critical grade. i don't even know what to talk about to him. and i'm scared i bombed my other 2 exams that i took because the exam i didn't do well in i studied really really hard for and i took the other 2 exams kind of for granted a little bit? GOD, i hate monday exams, i hate 3 hr exams on thursday nights [which are basically like finals but it's just a midterm!!] and i just hate this feeling of inadequacy. i thought that you know, since it's lent, i would try and be a better person, but it's like, i've been trying and i'm going nowhere. i want to redeem myself, but i'm so tired. my head hurts. sometimes i think maybe if i sleep it'll go away. everything will just go away and everything will just be better like it was before. i kind of miss how things used to be in high school .. i did so well in high school, but when i got to college it was so hard to adapt. i mean i know that's the point, because when the real world comes it's going to be even harder to adapt to a new lifestyle and all. things always feel like they're out of my control and i am frustrated! :( :( :( :( why why .. "that's all you have to do -- pokus pokus pokoos .." says my mom .. i guess i'm just lacking that maybe? am i lacking focus? but i feel like it's been this way for the past 2 years now. lol. i read my past entries because i thought, i couldn't have been feeling like this last sophomore year, and apparently i was, apparently i thought what i was studying was the hardest stuff in the world. and then i came to 3rd year and i was surprised yet again, yet again everything is hard. then again i can't even focus when i'm watching tv. i know, now that's just retarded. i mean, i go to class. everyday. i never miss a class. i take notes. i pay attention. i study. what am i doing wrong? why can't i get the A+'s that i used to get? why can't i be in the running for top 10% like i used to be? my mom says that patho is just hard. she thought it was way way way hard and that college is just really hard because you're on your own not like in highschool where they spoonfeed you everything. i guess that's true .. sigh .. anywho, so i saw a mouse during one of my lectures at arc 103 [aka my home]. i hope it's okay and it didn't scare anyone else .. it looked just like that mouse up there which is why i put the picture. haha. and since lent has started, i've been trying to fight all kinds of temptations [hence the title] and i guess i've been doing okay with that too. sometimes i lose my mind and i don't know what the hell i was thinking, but i think it's time to get back into the jones of things, to be a little naive about things, to be a little more careful and more responsible. i'm trying not to spend unecessary money because i ..

a) need to make back the money i spent during christmas
b) want to save up for a new laptop (sony vaio sz series to be exact ^_^)
c) need to reduce the amount of bills i have to pay
d) would like to have money for later on. like for going on lakwatsa and etc .. going to nyc again ..
lol.

so far i've been good, i want to really buy sneakers but i didn't .. i thought that maybe the money would go to better use buying "professional" clothes or really nice high heels [i've recently acquired a fascination for 4 inch heels] or something else that would come in handy down the road. i got really nice 4 inch heels to go with my dress that i'm going to wear to the "halfway done" pharmacy formal .. i'm excited that yes! i get to go .. it's a rite of passage and i am in the mood to dress up and party. it's just ironic that it's at victorian manor, yeah, where everything else always is, but whatevs .. there are other temptations that i'm trying to fight also [which i would like to keep to myself .. haha] and it's getting increasingly more difficult to hold back. it's hard to hold back when it strikes something deep inside you that you've been keeping in since you started to realize that you've been growing up .. when you realize that people really do the things that you never thought were possible. when you start getting close to doing something you thought was out of your personality. but never fear, i think i've got my self-control, and it's good to know that someone else does as well. it's such a comforting notion, and i just realized this week how important and meaningful it was to me. that's how i know that we're on the same wavelength. that's how i know this feels right. it's gradual, it's not pressured. it's like running as far as you can into the ocean when you're swimming before you know you've reached dangerous territory and you need to swim back before you drown. and i hope maybe with this renewed focus and sensibility i'll be able to be better. be a better person. um, be a better student. with those GODFORSAKEN POWERPOINT SLIDES .. $%#@ .. the pharmacy program is cruel .. people have been beaten and wrung out .. i'm over it .. no i'm not. lol.

well i guess this is the end of this one for today .. finally mom says, "you have your shoes, you have your dress for the party already. now that you're relaxed, you can focus on something else." haha .. yeah .. i might as well read or some shit. yeah. or no ..

ps:: this is why my boyfriend is the best.

charles(10:17:39 PM): ...filling in bubbles is fun
angelica(10:17:54 PM): hahahahaha awwww
charles(10:17:54 PM): ...thats y they call it a monkey test
angelica (10:18:00 PM): LOL
charles(10:18:08 PM): cause even it can pass
angelica(10:18:28 PM): LOL .. i know .. and that's what i think in my head when i have no idea what the answer is

k bye.

special ♥ to mary cuz it's her 19th birthday! yay for you mary. =)

<3 to:
the homie; ahhhh robin thicke robin thicke robin thicke! :siiiggghhh: lol! yess my outing was fun ^_^ and we are going to party this weekend! yay! because i miss you a lot lot too homieeee! and sometimes fortune cookies can be wise. lol.
best friend jackie; oh yes we heart each other. hehe. yay. i heart you toooo!
star; aw thanks you're awesome too! lol, yeah sometimes i look back on it and i forget how much things have changed .. but i guess it's for the better =)

all night long to the sky

so i was looking for robin thicke's album on aol [since you can listen to the whole thing for free] and i looked him up on wikipedia to find out the track listing ..

"He appears in the music video of this single with his wife, actress Paula Patton, who is totally bangin."

that's hilarious. they just had to add the "bangin" part .. lol ..

anyways, so between being online and trying to study for drug delivery [which is on monday] and trying to battle the menstruation cycle [jk i love my period! weeee! lol] i decided to write in here, wrapping up what's been on my mind, what's been happening, etc ..
so i finally gave the Theo Aspct Pharm presentation that i had to give with farah and raj, i don't know if far-out professor dr. ji really liked us or not, but he spent the rest of the period trying to explain the theory he just came up with after talking with us 3 times over the past 2 weeks .. damn, if we went any later, who knows what else he'd be telling us to say. man! as raj says, he gets paid to spend his days daydreaming about whatever in his little office filled with papers and books. sometimes when i'm sitting in class i feel like.. he's like a person you know who really wans to tell you something, and since you're there, he tells you it .. like a story you want to tell anyone who'll listen and care about your insanity, and since we're the people in his class, that's what we're there for. to listen to his crazy stories. i wonder how far we're actually going to get when it comes to the midterm exam .. that's gonna be fun .. lol .. but anyways, we're getting into the first wave of exams and i guess it's going okay. i don't know if i'm studying right or whatever, but i guess i'm hanging in there. i know i'm supposed to be all focused and crazy adderol like but i feel like i did a lot better when i was relaxed about things and just confident in my abilities instead of stressing out about how i don't know anything. i mean, yeah, i don't know everything, but i know something, and as long as i feel confident, that's what matters, right? i hope so. and then today i went with donald to see if i could get a job at cvs .. hopefully they hire me .. damn, i applied at that place like 5 times already .. whatevs, if i get it, it's just like the mall where i worked all weekend. it's all G .. though i am going to miss how i have free weekends nowadays and i can go out if i want to .. but it's okay, i needs moneys, and if anything, i can make time during the weekdays for myself, right? i hope so. i'd freakin go to the mall on a monday. i'd freakin go out on a wednesday. whatevs .. hahahaha .. when i get a real job, with real money, oh i'm gonna have a blast .. lol .. i just hope i remember the whole, time management shit and i can deal with studying.. then again, i don't even really study nowadays when i should be and i have all the time i want to .. hahaha .. i wish i was as studious as charles, he makes me want to be a better person. [awwww. lol ..]
which reminds me, charles and i finally celebrated valentine's day yesterday .. it was so nice because there weren't like102398210938 couples everywhere when we ate at carraba's [sp?] and we just spent time together outside of school eating pasta in a dimly lit [however romantic] place that had subliminal messages of learn-italian phrases like "i prefer wine" or something. it's been so long since charles and i went on a real date like we used to do a lot in the summer .. but i guess it's true that you just wait a long time and you miss it and then when you go on a date it will be good times =) but one time i got a fortune cookie and the fortune said, "absence makes the heart grow fonder, but presence strengthens it" and i really liked it .. because i see charles everyday, and it's really nice, and i like how we just sit in the library and study here and there, and it's good it keeps my mind on school, but then when we really go on dates, it's really special and memorable. but i mean.. all my dates with charles are memorable. even if i don't recall them all immediately .. lol. sometimes it's hard to hang out on the weekends nowadays because school is so hectic, and if/when i start working then that's even less time, but i guess i have to focus and prioritize my life and stuff like that and it's comforting to know that he supports me and isn't upset that there might be less time to be together and he tells me to go after opportunities for my career and stuff like that. like i've been saying, i guess i'm just scared to grow up. haha
anyways, drug delivery is waiting for me and i'm still here listening to robin thicke's cd and i didn't even finish typing this yet .. lol .. and i have a bunch of gift cards that long to be spent. but on what besides sky high black stilettos? sky high stillettos/pumps in other colors? perhaps! and my mom reorganized 5 years of pictures in 5 albums .. that's roughly 1000 pictures, literally! oh the memories. i miss everyone i hung out with in high school .. now they are off doing their own thing in different parts of the country. i miss all my cotillion people, they were so much fun. i was such a dork in high school, lol .. i thought i was the shit. and apparently i'm not! LOL .. but it's funny that i do look 90% the same like i did in high school .. minus the flab that has accumulated in my gut. oh running! oh gym! oh gym for lent. lol ..

anywhos, this is the end! i really have to drug delivery at least once through before i sleep .. while i watch sex and the city .. nyahahaha .. catch all you lovely kids later! i hope you had as great a valentine's day as i did. minus the whole, snow and ice and exams thing. hehe

[[edit]] i was looking through my old xanga and i came across this thing i took a long time ago .. i wanted to see if my answers changed ..

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

mmmmm .. a little. hehe.

<3 to:
best friend jackie; hehe yes! i am smiling =) and i smell prettyful too! ^_^
star; thanks for visiting my blog! =)

you can be my superman save me here i am

so as usual, most of my pharmacy classmates are burning the midnight oil studying everything and anything they can get their hands on, meanwhile, i'm sitting here like the procrastinator that i am writing in my blog. haha. today is my boyfriend's 21st birthday, he is so special, and wonderful, lol, and going to celebrate where every 21-year-old dreams of going for their birthday--the bar! joke .. =) but anyways, yeah, he really is at the bar while i'm here at home because i won't be old enough yet to join him for another -- 10.5 months. which is okay with me, i'm okay with the forced sobriety that i have to encounter due to being underage .. albeit just 1 year underage. i was complaining to my mom about it, about how i'm always too young to do anything and the last to do everything. and she was like, "why are you in such a rush to grow up?" and i thought, yeah, she's right .. why am i in a rush? sooner or later, it'll be time for me to make decisions and have to fend for myself and *gasp* pay bills and stuff! and have a real job! it is scary to finally encounter that stage in my life .. or at least, preparing to be in it. some young people say they want to do really stupid things before they grow up because they know that once the ripe age hits, you have to be an adult and you can't do those crazy things anymore.. this i find true but false at the same time, because for me, i don't want to be looking back on my youth and regret some of the stupid things i did. i already have regrets and i'm only 20 years old. i want to look back and be able to say that i was smart, that i wasn't a dumbass and made truly irrational decisions .. because in the end, if you don't decide now when you're young, when you get older, how will you know what's right? this is not to say that what my friends do is wrong, because it's not, a lot lot lot of my friends are really responsible. [heller, i'm in a class of anal-retentive people who feel that studying 24-7 is the only way to live. joke supersam! joke carissa! joke viv! joke phil, rich, and raj =)] but in all honesty, it really is hard to find that balance of fun and responsibility. like right now, it would be really really responsible of me to re-read all of my notes and finish re-writing my pathophysiology. but at the same time, it would be really really relaxing if i took a step back and write in my blog. true? exactly. i guess this is where my impatience comes in, i want to be able to have all of the freedom of making my own money and being able to go to the bar and stuff like that but i fail to see the amount of experience, hard work, and studying that has to get my ass there. sometimes when i really think about it, i think college is by far the most awkward period of my life. in grammar school, and even in high school, being so sheltered helped me to focus on my work, and i didn't have to change much, with the exception of coming out of my shell personality wise. but i knew i was incapable of supporting myself or having a career. by the end of college, people kind of expect you to do both. and hopefully, i'll be ready to do that. hopefully! but for now, i guess i just have to enjoy my year of being 20 .. even though i feel really young, whenever i look at my godchildren i always feel old .. because sooner or later i am going to have kids too.. oh snap! but for now, while i have the opportunity to successfully waste time and write in my blog about growing up and maturing, i might as well take it. haha. and i guess it really is time for me to do that whole studying thing .. damn, here i go, falling to the man. haha .. anyways, be easy ladies and gentlemen, and have a good night =)

special ♥ to charles because it is his 21st birthday .. i love you dear!

<3 to:
star; thank you so so much for the lovely comment! it really made my day when i read it =) i hope you have a great day!
bestfriend jackie; you are the B-E-S-T. thanks for letting me hopelessly call you 102938109238 times. you know you can organize with me anytime =)

does that make me crazy? possibly

when i was walking in school today i had the sudden urge to title a post with this and write something .. there have been too many emotions to count that have run through my body within a span of 4 days and i feel emotionally drained. i don't really know how to explain myself -- i've called about 4 different people about 4 different times each and each time i've cried enough tears to fill the nile river. i woke up with swollen eyes on saturday and my mom thought it was because i overslept. and i cry, sometimes not just because i am sad, but i cry because i am in love. sometimes i think i am a fool for crying so many tears, because my mom tells me to fight -- be strong, don't cry baby, you have to fight. but when i close my eyes they burn like a million suns. and when i open them it's like waterfalls. being in love was like being in pharmacy, i thought, it hurts so much but it's so worth it. i don't want to turn my back on it. and i think, i am going insane. but what is love without madness? what is love without pain? it's like, what is good without evil or sadness without joy? someone i love is hurting. and when someone i love is hurting, i hurt also. because all i want is for them to be happy. all i want is to take away the pain. i want to be like MYMP so "tell me where it hurts" and i'll do my best to make it better. and then when i can't do anything i feel helpless and sad because .. someone i love is still in pain. is still hurting. some people say it is not worth to be in something that continues to hurt because you are only causing yourself more pain. but i would cry a million more tears to know that someone still loves me. i would cry a million more tears to know that someone i love is going to be okay. mary says that i should be strong enough to let go, but i don't know if i am. because i am scared. i want to hold on so tight and never ever let go. instead, i want to hold on.. i want to hold on and fight for my love. i will not just turn around and let go. i will not give up on it. even though people are like, leave it up to chance. but chance doesn't always do anything. i want to fight for my love. i want to have a say in this matter. and then i feel like crying because again, i am in love. i am so scared to lose something so important to me. something that means a lot to me. no, i will not lose it. i refuse. i am holding on. i am waiting, as impatient as i am, and i will be here, and fight for anything that needs fighting for. i will not leave. i can't make promises, you don't want me to make promises to you because you think that i am only staying because of a promise. i am staying because i love you. i don't know what words i should be saying. i know i usually say the wrong words, however with the right intentions. or i say the wrong words because i am wrong anyway. but i am trying my best to be strong. for you and for me. i am trying to be strong for us.

the truth about diamonds

so happy belated 2007 everyone, i guess this is the first post of mine for the new year .. i've been trying to come up with a new layout but i guess the truth holds that my best layouts [and blogs] do come when i'm inspired, and right now, in the midst of trying to control my manic-depressive-PMS-moody-fit, i'm compelled to share my thoughts with you, my adoring [albeit small LOL joke =)] public. so although it's a month away, valentine's day is coming.. i know it's really early to be talking about it because "it's so far away" and most people i talk to despise the holiday and/or curse it for being another reason for capitalism to take its course in selling us dozens of delicious chocolates and such .. but i must say.. should i be excited for it? or am i just hyping up something that i shouldn't even be counting on happening? sure, it's the beginning of the year.. and i feel like i'm lacking in the love department for most of this break. but i have to inquire, my lovers and friends, should i be concerned? is it worth the trouble worrying about this? i mean, i know i shouldn't expect anything. gillian and i have gone over this time and time again and the reason i get so irritated is because i am expecting too much from a certain someone. but don't i have the right? doesn't a girl have the right to be romanced? my friend joe always talks to me about his ultimate swoonage--in which he would do the ultimate wine-and-dine for his lovergirl. but my loverboy never speaks about things like that. i mean, i don't ask for much .. i know i'm supposed to be like JLO and "love don't cost a thing" type shit.. but it's like .. i see other couples and they're sweets to the max and deep down inside i want some sweets to the max. sure, PDA is not nice. i'm all for telling people off who are about to sex it up right in front of you. but would it hurt to get a hug or something? or a loving glance? and it's like .. yeah, i know i'm a broke college kid .. and everyone is a broke college kid and all .. but would it hurt to get a little something nice once in a while? i know i'm in pharmacy school working my ass off so that i would be able to afford everything for myself and so i wouldn't have to depend on a man to support me but you know .. i mean .. don't i deserve nice things? like flowers? or something? or something cute and small that reminds person of me that they think they would like me to have? i don't know .. everyone is telling me to have patience, to wait things out .. that this is just a phase and i don't need to be stressing about things because it is my vacation. i know that relationships take work. they take give-and-take and romance and all that stuff. i don't want to just assume things and i know better than to expect things. maybe i'm just .. lonely, bored, something. maybe i'm need of some more diamonds. haha. sometimes, all i want is just to hear "i love you." is that too much to ask? heck, should i even be asking? i am feeling neglected and i don't know what to do about it anymore. sometimes i want to be alone to just get over it but at the same time it feels contrary to the plan. i just want to be thought of. i want the feeling of like .. oh, i thought of you today. i just wanted to give you a call. to me, i feel like things should be intuitive. if someone doesn't sound happy, they are sad. if someone says, i'm hungry, and they are looking at your french fries, they want one. if a girl consistently looks at every diamond necklace in a store, think about getting her one. i know i have a job and all, and a certain someone does not, but at the same time, can we get a little creative here? DO SOMETHING NICE FOR A GIRLFRIEND?! hi, hello. not always the girlfriend who plans the romantic shit. i swear, i might not plan anything for valentine's day. just go home. do nothing. hang out with my mom. is anyone going to stop me? is someone going to plan something for me? i know he's not perfect, i know i shouldn't be idealistic .. i'm trying to be realistic, here. fck it, whatevs .. i need some chocolate


<3 to best friend jackie, i love love lover her. =)

dick clark's new year's rockin eve .. almost

hello friends! well, yeah, it's a little early for me to be doing my end-of-the-year recap .. after all, there are still 4 more days left in 2006, but hey, i want to be able to get my recap in before i forget and then it'll already 2007! i have a wedding to go to tomorrow so that already leaves out tomorrow and plus, i can do my picture recap of xmas weekend and plus plus i can um.. do another survey! hahaha. well, before i get to that, i had to help gillian register for MCATs and it kind of made me realize how nice it is to be in pharmacy school and i don't even have to register for no test or anything .. man, i didn't get my scores yet for 2 classes .. hopefully i passed; i'm kind of relieved i passed almost all my classes .. just waiting for one more. MAN! anyways, it's pretty nice doing nothing but at the same time i was pretty bored today and i wasted a whole day doing nothing but at least i got to paint a painting ^_^

xmas was okay this year, it was pretty good cuz i got to spend it w/ all my famjams and even my homie and especially charles! =) homie made cool ass cupcakes and such .. and when you reach 20, you realize xmas isn't about you anymore and you'll be lucky if you get 1 present you really wanted .. unlike when you're a kid you get all the presents. 's okay .. i can't wait to be the ninang that gives the awesomest present ever .. ehehehehe .. sadly, i didn't get nintendo ds lite for nothings [i wasn't expecting anyone to get it for me *ahem* LOL but charles said to brad that he wasn't made of money and that he's unemployed .. LOL LOL LOL .. ] anywhoos, maybe, when the price goes down and the backorders are done being processed and if i still want it weeks from now, maybe i'll go and buy it for myself after i pay off all my bills i got from christmas .. oh, my pocket. lol .. well, here is some delightful picture form i could share w/ you to explain the rest of christmas =)

christmas tree cake with sparkly candles! yay!

blow out all the candles, i forgot to make a wish haha

2nd birthday party w/ kuya dodong and abbygail

christmas eve/25th anniversary party with charles! and child in picture playing war.. hello child! =)

beautiful village with charles's lego train that got into a train wreck .. luckily, no lego people were hurt ^_^

mary and i's annual xmas photo

michelle's new favorite cd -- super fuzzy animals! LOL LOL LOL ..

mafioso cousins .. and this isn't even all of us

what a hottie .. ;) look at that smile! :) :)

and what an awesome sweater!

wells .. here is my recap for 2006!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? i went to nyc and i overnighted with a bunch of people and spent 24+ hours wiht manjams .. =)
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? hellllll yeah! i promised to stop biting my nails and i did! wooooo!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? ate did! yayayay jenna !
4. Did anyone close to you die? no .. not this year, thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit? well i went to las vegas .. i can't leave the country since my passport expired .. yikes!
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? my drive to learn and succeed. and to embrace my career path .. or at least, get ready to finish. lol
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 656, gillian's 21st, jenna's birthday
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? that would have to be being able to go to nyc with my friends and overnight there .. OH! OH! driving to sayreville! BY MYSELF! GO ME!
9. What was your biggest failure? oh that would be pharmacy practice management
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? well i'm feeling kind of sick now and i got this big ass fever in the spring
11. What was the best thing you bought? that would be denim dunk cl's son!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? mary because she graduated from high school! yay!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mines did because i failed a lot of exams
14. Where did most of your money go? that would be the vending machine in school as well as the convenience store as well as going out with charles
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? omg omg going out on my first official official date date with dinner and a movie straight up
16. what song will always remind you of 2006? omg what was that song .. i heard it all summer. i think it was "ridin" by chamillionaire .. as well as "for the love" by drew sidora and mario and and buttons by pussycat dolls and and my love by justin timberlake!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? i think i'm happier but at the same time i'm also more tired as hell
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? studying, of course. always!
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? mmmm .. studying .. AHAHAHa
20. How will you be spending Christmas? i spent it at my homie's house, at charles's house, at st. matthew's, at mary's house, at lisa's in long island, and at charles's house again!
21. How will you be spending New Years? ninang fely's -- it never changes. lol .. but me and mary plan on making that different sometime soon!
22. Did you fall in love in 2006? yes. :)
23. How many one-night stands? hgahahaha .. make that, 120938103 night stands .. JOKE
24. What was your favorite TV program? law and order! and csi! and i recently got into ugly betty
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? ummm .. freak out guy! he is so so so annoying
26. What was the best book you read? i don't read books anymore, i read powerpoint packets lol
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? charles's slow jam cd
28. What did you want and got? the hat i got for xmas from mary and denim dunks
[what happen to question 29?]
30. What was your favorite film of this year? ummm .. talladega nights was funny =)
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 20 and i took my pharm care final! =[ and then i had christmas tree shaped ice cream cake and i bought myself a cute sweater :)
32. What one thing that would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? straight As, darling .. but other than that, i'm pretty happy with what i got this year =)
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? i would describe it as looking like a bum for the last half of the year and completely taking advantage of still being a "teenager" and dressing like one .. but at the same time, becoming more fashion forward thanks to my best friend in the universe!
34. What kept you sane? charles kept me sane! and my mom .. though my mom drove me crazy at the same time
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? lol, the victoria secret models .. haha
36. What political issue stirred you the most? ummm i feel like i should know this
37. Who did you miss? best friend in the universe!
38. Who was the best new person you met? that would be too cool for school jopapa even though we knew each other from high school we didn't start talking til now. OMG, did i mention i met charles this year too? haha
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: embrace your path in life; don't come in angry. things never go as planned.. so always be ready for the unexpected. i'm growing up and it's time for me to experience new things and be the young adult that i am. and, of course, love moves in mysterious ways .. haha
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "just tell me where it hurts now baby, and i'll do my best to make it better" .. as well as the lyrics from the songs that remind me of this year; like "ain't got to do nothing crazy, cuz all i want you to do is be my love"

and that's it! =)

<3 to ren for being the only one to leave me a comment! you rock!

mojo dojo // go shorty it's your birthday

"kristine" (10:25:23 PM): HEY U!!!
"kristine" (10:25:26 PM): HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!
angelica (10:25:43 PM): HEY!
angelica (10:25:49 PM): THANKS KRISTE I HEART YOU!
"kristine" (10:25:45 PM): i was like to my friend
"kristine" (10:25:46 PM): OMG
"kristine" (10:25:48 PM): WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY
"kristine" (10:25:49 PM): lol
"kristine" (10:25:57 PM): and im like SHIT I GOTTA TELL MY FRIEND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

nicole (10:22:39 PM): happy birthday ang!
angelica (10:23:14 PM): thanks nicole! =)
nicole (10:23:26 PM): how's it being 20?
nicole (10:23:27 PM): lol.

Juliet (10:26:03 PM): happy birthdayyyy!
angelica (10:26:26 PM): THANKS!
angelica (10:26:28 PM): =)

ian (11:14:50 PM): hey you
ian (11:14:53 PM): happy birthday!
angelica (11:15:18 PM): thanks ian! =)

so of course, today was my birthday! =) and, of course, it goes without saying, that write a little entry in my blog for my birthday! ^_^ now .. let's do it in delightful survey form! =)

Happy Birthday Survey
About the Bday Girl
Today's Date:	december 21, 2006
How old did you turn?:	i turned 20!
How old do you feel?:	i feel like, 20 .. i guess .. i can't believe i'm this old. lol
Where are you today?:	at home, typing up this junks for my blog heeh
Going to do anything special?:	well first i took my final exam in pharm care .. boo! then i went to the mall and had ice cream and bought a sweater .. and i had some lovely people over for an intimate gathering filled with a cake shaped like an xmas tree and twister dance dvd .. LOL
With whom?:	my mom, dad, charles, christine, mary, brian, gabe, mike, ate, jenna, jeremy, jenn, ninang fely, ninong joven, auntie josie, and uncle arthur .. and gillian in the AM and sam later on getting coldstone at the mall =)
Who was the first to tell you Happy bday today?:	why my homie christine, of course!
Do you love this person?:	to the MAXXX!
What are they getting for you?:	welllll she got me this awesome t-shirt from my FAVE FAVE candy store in NYC!!
The day you were born
What day of the week was it?:	ummmm .. sunday? im not sure
Did anything exciting happen that day?:	uhhh .. i was born?
Really? Wow give us the story::	haha .. i was born in jersey city
How much did you weigh?:	as much as an average baby
Who was at the hospital?:	my mom, and dad, and the nurses and doctors and my aunts and uncles
Did you already have big brothers/sisters?:	nope and i don't have any .. =X
Birthday Wishes
Who is the person you wish could spend your bday with you but they can't?:	GILLIAN .. but she is on a hot date today with sean! but it's okie cuz i saw her already =)
What big ticket gift are you wishing for?:	nintendo ds lite .. or or or A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!
What are you going to wish for when you blow out the candles?:	i don't even remember making a wish .. i was trying to but i got distracted by my godson. LOL
What is your wish for the coming year?:	staying in pharmacy school .. and maintaining my sanity. lol
Yay! its my birthday!!!
Take this survey Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

well, that was my 20th birthday in a nutshell .. not too eventful, and i kind of wanted it that way .. cuz i've been so stressed from school and etc i just wanted to chill at home and wrap presents. lol. anywho .. i better get back to that .. it's almost christmas! yay!

<3 to:
anonymous; thanks for visiting my site again.. from your favorite pimple girl `;P
the homie; thanks for always having my back! i love you to the max! =)
breathing mechanisms of the fish gillian; thanks for leaving me 2 comments! i'm glad you like my entries and my picture with charles that i took in the library =) i hope your hot date was hot hot hot just like your hot red dress and i hope you have a great time in the philippines! =D

p.s. more will be updated later when i put pics and etc. heeh k bye!

In Over My Head

okay so yeah, i should be studying for pharmy pharm care -- and instead i would rather blogger, because i am lame, because pharmy pharm care is the gay-est shiiiiet in the entire world and i know i should should care about it because heller! i am a pharmacist-in-training and i deal with drugs all day every day. but come on now, ladies and gentlemen, i am going to be looking this shit up when i get older. or telling my little underlings to do all this shit for me. nahahahaha. this is so so so LAME-O!! ugh. one hundred UGHs. anywhoo, it has been a hot minute since i wrote a blog, so i thought it would be a nice time to write something .. it doesn't take me too long, and maybe i finally had something to write! instead of some bs entry that i usually write because i feel bad because i didn't have anything to say. but anyways, you know, these past couple of weeks it has been pretty hard.. actually after thanksgiving has been pretty hard .. december always has a way of kicking my ass. when i was driving home tonight, it was really clear and cold.. i was trying to look for a shooting star in the sky but unfortunately i was not lucky enough to catch one yet. and there was some commercial on the radio that was talking about how whack of a year 2006 was .. and i was thinking about it and i was like .. yeah, this year was pretty whack! like, okay, no, there were definitely a lot of good parts [AKA SUMMER] but come on. the end of sophomore year academically was a beeeeyatch! you know, i came out of my orgo/systems finals thinkin i was an absolute dumbass. of course, and then i had to take that philo summer class .. yeah, i know, i made dean's list and shit like that .. *POOF* that's gone! ahahha. like this semester totally started off jacked up. it really did! everyone is like mad messed up academically and everything is just biting our ass in the wrong ways! what is going on! even though it's not new year's yet my new year's resolution is to walk into my next semester [crosses fingers] with open arms and open mind. so that i can love love love this stuff! sigh. when i was walking down to the dining hall to eat with my pharmy pharm friends i was thinking about how i was trying my best to stay positive and happy .. because even though there is all this crap and i am tired i am trying to stay positive. charles said that he does not want me to depend on him to be "jolly" and that every time we are together i am always so "jolly." well jolly makes me think of santa! and then i told him that i am jolly even with my mom and of course when i eat chocolates. but charles, being the smarty pants he is, says that he does things that chocolate can not do for me. oh gillian, she would be proud. did i mention that one time gillian and i did a debate on whether boys were better than chocolate? it was mad funny and it was for our school project. gillian, she is such a silly silly lady. who puts silly ideas into my head. LOL .. anyways, i am glad i am in a much better better mood than the past couple of weeks because that was just bad. really bad! i do not want to get into details but let us just say it was bad. and, since finals are coming up, i feel a little sadness that i can not do much hanging outs because i have to S-T-U-D-Y. sadness! but that's okay. i hope i can hang outs a lots after my exams! everything is going by so fast .. oh goodness! when i was making my list for xmas wantings [charles' brother ask me and i was like .. "?" lol] and i wanted a chocolate fountain! but then i was thinking, i wouldn't really use it! oh but it is so so so awesome! but if you would like to know, i would like nintendo ds lite thank you very much! but if you ask me, i am getting a spatula for christmas! i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula i am getting a spatula! eheheheh. anyways, since i feel kind of bad that i wasn't really studying and i was procrastinating .. here is something for you to know!

if you plan on taking trovafloxacin for your nosocomial pneumonia, note that there is a black box warning that could be serious enough to require a liver transplant. so it should not be used for more than 2 weeks.

ciprodex is used for otitis media.

avoid taking your fluoroquinolones with antacids.

when taking cialis, the drug is no substitute for sexual stimulation and in order to get an erection, you have to do the damn thing. it is more different chemically and has a longer duration.

migranes can be triggered by food and environmental events, and taking imitrex or relpax is usually the choice of treatment. beta blockers and antiseizure medications are also propylactic for migraines.

k bye!

<3 to:
anonymous; who left me 2 comments about my pimply face -- thanks for visiting my site! `;P no beef, go ahead, i know i gots pimples. i may not be adriana lima but dammit i know i could put it down. ^_^
bestfriend jackie; the best! absolutely! yayayay! wish you could have been @ thanksgiving for the lumpias heehee
my "admirer"; thanks for the positive comments! i really appreciate it! ^_^ it kind of was the inspiration for me to write a blog .. heehee! =)

tu amor // happy thanksgiving

so i actually had this really long entry in my head that i've been planning to write because it's been almost 2ish weeks since i've updated my blog -- yeah, i've been slacking, i know .. and since i finally changed up the layout a little bit i thought it would be the perfect opportunity to finally update and write something .. and plus, it is/was thanksgiving, and it wouldn't be appropo if i let a holiday go by and i didn't even write an entry for it. so anyways, here goes .. i guess i don't really have much to say because i'm in a better mood nowadays and when i get in a better mood i don't have my voices talking in my head and i kind of, more or less, have a blank mind. haha. but! let's start with what i am thankful for this year. or at least, what i am thankful for today. hahaha. in of course, our favorite, delightful picture form! hehehe. oh yeah! first, i am thankful that we got to have a "white people" thanksgiving like mary says and i got to eat mad yummy mashed potatoes and turkey and lasagna. yum!

second, i am thankful that me and mary's cupcakes came out maddd nice and people ate them!


i am thankful for my momma who drives me nuts like 24/7


i am thankful for these 2 lovely ladies


i am thankful for dunks made of denim and for the dude on ebay who was willing to sell them to me in my size


and of course i am thankful for this goofy yet oh-so-irresistibly cute boyfriend of mine .. hehe `;P

and of course i am also thankful for everything else in my life, even the crappy stuff, because that's what makes me appreciate all the good stuff in my life. even for the rain, i am thankful for the rain. and i am thankful that i am still alive even after all of the pharmacy bullshit that i've been going through. and i am thankful that i have a day off so that i can SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. mmmm yes. my semester is almost over! oooooh man. well .. i guess that it is all i have to say. hope you all had a great thanksgving k bye!

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; oh yes these shoes are definitely my show stoppers. =)
joe aka jopapa; we should! next time my class is canceled in the morning. :)
christine aka the homie; my new pants rock homie, all because of you. :) most definitely need another one of those getaways! oooo especially for xmas shopping .. yeeeaaahhh =D

heaven only knows

sorry for my last entry [well the last half, lol] it was really depressing. and then i watched without a trace today and some girl committed suicide in the bathtub. i never understood how that worked, and i don't want people looking through my shit thinking i was psychologically unstable, so let's get things straight -- i'm not depressed, i don't want to do anything like that [i mean, why take the easy way out -- take it like a woman and suffer! haha] and i am content and very thankful and happy for everything i have in my life. especially today .. today was one of those good days.

today i got to go to the mall with my homie .. and we walked around and i found skinny jeans that totally hugged my ass. and on sale too. and then i went out with charles and we ate sushi at u-yees that was mmm mmm oh so yummy. today is also charles and i 5 months whatever. nice. niiiice ..

it didn't rain today and my room looks amazing with its new blue paint. i even did some furniture rearrangement .. nice .. and my room has been the cleanest in about 5 years .. aahahahhaha. i can't wait to put up some pictures because my walls look bare. i am so happy with my color. it is post-it blue to a T. sherwin williams, this is my autoplug for you. people should paint their houses with sherwin williams paint. though when i went to home depot i saw this oh so cute room tinkerbell style with stars on a night colored ceiling. and yes, i'm going to put more stars in my sky. especially the constellation orion. yeaaaahh ..

other than that, the only other thing i would like to say is that i am in love with denim dunk cls. they are mad expensive like whoa! but i don't know .. they are like the shoe of shoes for me. oh man oh man ..

well anyways, i hope you all had a good night just like me. =)

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; ahahahahah .. i wanna be the .. uhm .. lion tamer! or trapeze artist! or the demented chinese acrobat twins! =) i love you best friend!
homie christine; hanging out at the mall is the best and thank you for being my stylist and picking out my cool grey skinny jeans. :) yay!

impossible

i hate life right now, but i love you.

my inspiration on so many levels.

i hate stressing. i hate feeling like i'm incapable. for the past couple of days that's all i've been feeling. i don't know where my passions for learning has gone. all i feel is hopelessness and desolation. after exams, all i feel like is like i'm a complete failure. why? why must it always be like this? why must i always carry this feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy with me every day? how come i don't enjoy learning? when i was in the bathroom someone scribbled on the wall, "not the paper, chase the dream." but i don't even know what my dream is. i mean, are you supposed to feel miserable studying for a career that you've blindly chosen? am i going about this all wrong? but it's like, what else can i do. i've chosen this path and i dodn't want to turn back. part of me just wants to prove to myself that i could actually do this, no matter how much i really hate every single moment of it. it's been torture for the past couple of weeks. i don't even know what to do to escape. but i can't even escape. i have no way out.. if i leave now, i leave with nothing. which is even worse. even more than getting out of this hell hole, i just want to feel like i'm worth something. i want to feel like i've accomplished something. i want that feeling of greatness again that i used to have in highschool. the feeling of knowing i was the best at everything i did. i excelled in everything. now i put my mind to it, and i can't even pass sometimes, it's that hard. what do i have to do? what more do i have to sacrifice to get what i want? am i just inherently stupid? is that what it is? i'm just a fricking dumb ass that doesn't know? i am trying to keep my scholarship hanging on a thread. i don't know where my willpower has gone. i don't know where my motivation to succeed has gone. everything just feels like a hopeless, dead end, vicious cycle of impending doom. sometimes i wish i could just leave all of this mess behind. sometimes, i truly hate my life and everything that i have to go through. i don't care who tells me i've got it easy because i don't. i hate every minute of this horror. i want it all to go away and i want to feel like i'm happy in what i've chosen. not just because of the money or the power or prestige .. i don't even know anymore. i have the most pounding headache and i feel like crying every minute right now .. i hate this, i really really hate this

lost without you

so i've been kind of slacking in my .. writing in my blog, so sad.. i guess i've been so busy and i don't really have much to say that i didn't have anything better to say here so i just left what i had before. lol .. i should be doing my calculations assignment for pharmaceutical care -- i'm a slacker i should be on top of my shit .. oh man, i need another break! even though i don't have any exams this week -- it was all a lie! they did it on purpose because i have this wretched assignment to do that i slacked and haven't started until now. and even now, i'm writing in my blog! i'm such a slacker .. such a frickin SLACKER ..
but enough ranting and raving, i am just feeling a lot better than i did a couple of days ago. there was a filipino couple that was involved in a murder suicide here in our area [if you live/lived around here you probably heard about it on the news or by word of mouth] and it was crazy how many people asked me if i knew the family. i reply no .. only that i know that someone i knew from way back was next-door neighbors to the family .. but it's so crazy. it got me thinking .. and you would probably think i was really morbid for thinking this but -- if something serious were to happen to me, how far would the shockwave go throughout the community? how much of a response would people have to my misfortune? would they just be interested for the sole fact of its sensationalism or would they honestly care? would people i met only once suddenly remember the one moment we ever had contact just to be able to form a connection to the story they saw on tv? i don't know. one thing's for sure .. people are usually quick to pay attention to horrible things .. who knows why, but i guess that is the way life is. the world is such a crazy and dangerous place ..
so yesterday [10/22] was RAPS annual halo-halloween -- yes, i know .. it's never on a sunday, but for some reason this year, that's when it was. it was an odd time to have it, and i was sad because some of my friends and etc didn't come .. and sad because i didn't even get to see the whole show, but being onstage was most fun .. and i'm glad i got to do it one more time before pharmacy really kicks me in the ass and i can't do it anymore. there are always people who think cultural dancing is corny and refuse to do it .. but iono, i've loved it since i've been doing it here in school. i don't know how much longer i can hold on because 18 credits is getting to be a lot these days. of course you already know that from reading this from time to time .. hahaha .. but anyways, congrats to all the performers yesterday .. even if i didn't get to see you, i'm sure you were all pretty awesome. =) i'm sad too because it started and ended so late and i was too assed to stay for the whole thing since i ended up dancing at 11pm. yeah .. late, i know.
today i gave out candy to my classmates in pharmacy .. yeah, i only had like 50 packs and i have 200 classmates, but to the random people i got to throw candy at, i'm glad i made their day. it makes me happy when i make other people happy. i guess, i aim to please, huh? yup. i sure do love candy .. i wish i could go trick-or-treating like back in the day, but i guess i'm getting too old for it. but, never too old for candy .. mmm .. 2 of the freshies on rcdt dressed up as fukyu and fukmi .. awwww. they are so cute .. hehehe. wish i had that kind of enthusiasm .. ^_^
i think i know what withdrawal feels like .. you know, when you go without something for a couple of days, you really start to miss it. yeah, i'm a whack ass, i missed my boyfriend already after 4 days. i couldn't even last. but then again, that's because i see him everyday [so you're probably thinking, but you see him everyday .. so a couple of days won't kill you] but contrary to popular belief, it does. maybe i'm just a sap or a loser or whatever, but i do. it's not like before, when i was a young one in high school, not seeing who i was in to for weeks, months on end. i don't know how i put up with that now that i look back on it. maybe because i was too busy fantasizing. nowadays i have to live in the here and now because so many things just leave in the blink of an eye. and when he's not here with me in the here and now, i feel like a part of me is missing. and i feel lonely .. [hey there lonely girl.. lol] and then i was looking at a quote from someone's profile, and i thought it was kind of funny-- "lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" ..ahahahaha. well, that's only true in about .. mmmmm, maybe 20% of the time. give or take a few.
unfortunately, i think i've run out of things to say. i've really got to get back in the game of writing in my blog because my past few entries have been crap. well this one has been. then again, sometimes, i like to be short and to the point instead of rambling. since i don't have anything to say. but anyways, okay, good night.

charles, i love you. you know that.


the end.

<3 to:
bestfriend in the universe [jackie] -- hahaha, those are great chill pills. and my new skinny jeans rock my world, just like you. =)
the fish [gillian] -- lol, sure.
the anonymous -- um, you're a fagnut. but thanks for the comment.

SOS: please, someone help me

so anyways, i'm on my break between studying this lovely molecule as well as memorizing the 20 amino acids .. and man .. i'm pretty proud of myself that i haven't completely died this weekend and i'm not feeling as sad as i was on thursday/friday .. things just keep getting more and more complicated as the semester goes on .. but i guess, it's expected -- after all, i am a 3rd year! but oh man people, i definitely was in a rut for about 2 weeks. possibly, when i take my other exams .. it'll come back with a vengenace, but for right now, i'm trying to savor the fact that i'm in a good mood once again. i think the sunshine definitely helps .. i hate going to school when it rains .. rain always makes me feel sad during the school year. i can't believe it's already october .. sometimes the days go by so agonizingly slow [you should see our pharmacy practice managment class LOL] and sometimes, i'm surprised at how fast we finish and that holy smokes! it's friday once again. =) friday has become my favorite day of the week .. i guess it helps that i don't work weekends and that charles and i usually go out after class on fridays, and of course, i get to catch up on allllll my sleep during the weekend. i think i'm finally getting used to the whole, feeling-tired-everyday thing, but it's annoying when my body refuses to wake up for my 8:55 am class. i'll have to work on that .. usually, i'm really good about it, but it doesn't help when i have a bajillion exams that i have to study for. ahhhh time management, what a biiiiiiiitch .. it makes me sad sometimes that i can't ever do much of anything fun anymore, it's as if i don't have the time because i always feel guilty that i should be using that time to be studying .. just like right now, lol .. but writing in my blogspot is always part of the escape i need from the hectic herd of moo-moos that stress out around me everyday. i wish they would all just take a chill pill .. it's starting to rub off on me too, because viv tells me to take some chill pills too. maybe i should invent that when i graduate .. 2010 seems so far away, i can't wait for that f-ing year to come.

well, um .. in something non-school related, i sure do love online shopping! of course, i haven't really bought much online .. and i'm trying to earn some money to actually buy another thing online .. but man! i didn't know that if you use your check card with the visa logo on it it's comparable to a credit card [minus the whole, gotta charge it and then pay for it later thing.] it's so tempting to go out and buy lots and lots of stuff .. so far, i just bought a microSD card for my phone that i'm hoping will come this week .. yay for music on my phone! i love my phone, but then i was searching the t-mobile website and they came out with more samsung phones. it's too late now to get a new phone [heller, i just got this one!] but you know, can't help but feel like i want to get another phone. poo .. but it's okay, it's a phone, and as long as it makes calls, then i'm set. i bought some skinny-ish jeans too from tjmaxx .. they are slimming and have a cigarette leg instead of a tapered leg .. which i guess is good .. i thought skinny jeans were supposed to be mad skinny but it's okay. they are freakin sold out everywhere! i tried on this outfit for my mom with a shirt i bought from h&m and she said i looked malnourished. LOL .. i felt like nicole richie for a hot minute .. and kind of nice because at least she didn't say i looked fat. eheh .. [contrary to popular belief, i too have weight issues and think i'm fat.] i would like some more flats too, but it's okay .. sneakers are the way to go for me right now because they are oh-so-comfy and plus i look like a bum almost every single day [except for wednesday when i have to look extra cool for when i go to pharmaceutics lab. OH! i needa go to H&M and/or target and buy some more professional clothes.. mmm ..] so much stuff i wanna buy .. damn, i'm so materialistic. ahahaha .. another reason why i am in pharmacy school .. =X

anywho, since my life has been mainly about books, i guess this is where the conversation has to end, friends. til next time, when i have something else to say again. peeeeeeease!

ps.// the song, 'enjoy' by janet jackson is hot. listen to it! =)

<3 to:
jon [santos]; you're welcome. =)
jackie [bestfriend]; hehe i love your cheese. delicious cheesy goodness. mmm especially cheese on my pizza .. yum!
gillian [breathing mechanisms of the fish woman]; YAY! i can't wait. i wanna go to ummm .. philadelphia or miami .. or .. let's go to LA!!!!! =D =D =D
ren [renee]; awww thanks ren i love you too! =)

these are the questions i ask myself

jonsantos (12:04:56 PM): what are you doing right at this second?
angelica (12:05:02 PM): ummmm
angelica (12:05:08 PM): i was about to write in my blogger-ness
jonsantos (12:05:39 PM): I'm looking at your blog right now
jonsantos (12:05:44 PM): can you blog me in there
angelica (12:05:46 PM): sure
jonsantos (12:05:51 PM): sweet
angelica (12:05:54 PM): what would you like me to say
jonsantos (12:06:22 PM): I was just about to blog then the epitomy of sexiness, Jon Santos, IMed me.
angelica (12:06:31 PM): gotcha
angelica (12:06:33 PM): anything else?
jonsantos (12:06:43 PM): that's about it
angelica (12:06:51 PM): lol okay
jonsantos (12:06:57 PM): =)

hahaa .. so anyways, part of my entry is dedicated to the self-proclaimed, "epitome of sexiness," the new alum of rutgers himself, jon santos. hehehe

but anyways, so week 2 of school is down, and here i am, still alive. but now, damn, i'm pretty exhausted .. i had my first few set of little exams/quizzes .. and i'm just hoping that i didn't seriously fck them up. it rained for half the week .. which kind of put in a downer -- especially when i have soggy pants because the rain is pouring like a mother and my pants are too long which leads them to dip into the ugly puddles of school. we got our shiny labcoats from our ceremony, and i have to admit, it puts a little bit of motivation and kind of brings to life everything that we've all been vigorously studying for. and of course, you know me, i'm a sucker for anything personalized with my name on it. woooooo .. it's almost like being in a sorority. joke .. i'm trying to find time to do things that aren't pharmacy related, but it's starting to feel in vain especially since everyday i come home and i'm ass tired .. too tired to do anything properly. i fall asleep by 11:30! i haven't done that since i was a freshman in highschool! lols. but i think i had a change in body clock this weekend because i took naps in the middle of the day which leads me to staying awake later. and i'm surprised that i actually look at notes at night .. maybe it's because i'm secretly freaking out that i'm going to fail. hmmmm .. i hope i still have time for fun ..
yesterday, i was having pretty much a half-crappy/half-really good day .. retail therapy tends to make me feel better than i usually do. and i can never resist comfortable weird colored sneakers. though, now i have to invest in something awkwardly green. like olive green. do i know how to rock something olive green? along with a wonderful timepiece purchased by my m-o-m. i don't even want to wear it now because it's so pretty. it's actually partially my birthday gift and my mom said not to wear it until my birthday .. that seems likely .. i was saving the pretty timepiece for a special occasion .. but i doubt i'll have any of those in the near future .. my birthday is still 3 months away. but for now, it's finally getting sunny and warm again .. it's almost like it's summer coming back to give me one last goodbye. but i don't mind .. it's time to wear longsleeves again and sweats and you know, jeans every other day.
i have a feeling this entry is going to be really short .. even though it has the possibility to be longer than anyone would expect .. but part of me feels like this part of me that's currently under stress needs to be kept to myself .. or just between a select few people. sometimes i forget how public things can get when i post stuff on the internet .. that's usually how drama starts, and i'm too old to be involved in such unncessary stress. gillian tells me that i need to learn to keep things in, yeah .. i'm getting to be good at that, i guess, although it does leave me in a vulnerable place at times. i guess there are just those types of problems that no one really knows how to cure .. and you either learn to live with it or get over it or maybe eventually it'll just go away.. and i'm not sure if school is really the best remedy for this.. but what can i do .. hey, at least it keeps my mind off of things. i feel like i need another vacation, and i need to get out of new jersey again. if only i had time to go up to the city.. especially since it's free for students to go next week. well, i guess this is the end of my mindless ramble. until next time when i actually have coherent and flowing comprehendable thoughts.

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; hehe .. i'm gonna go get the super dry ice from home depot and ship it to you like they do in the choco milk commercial. =)
joe aka jopapa; hey man, i don't like soggy pants. but next time, i will wear my cut up sweats.

drugs, 8th grade, and fudgy burritos

so it has only been about the first week of school and already i am like mad tired dude. and it's weird because i am a junior [aka 3rd year] in college and i feel like i just started high school or eighth grade! i don't understand. everything feels so different and sometimes i am just confused. in a nutshell, i have been learning about:

the stuff that makes up the drugs; [aka pharmacology]
the stuff that makes up the stuff that makes up the drugs; [aka molbio&biochemistry]
how to make the drugs; [aka pharmaceutics]
how to sell the drugs; [aka pharmacy practice&management]
how to deal with the people i sell the drugs to; [aka pharmacy care]
who used to sell the drugs a long time ago; [aka history of pharmacy]
and what it feels like to sell the drugs [aka intro practice experience]

it's so nutty. i feel like i don't know how to do normal stuff like add or subtract. i miss math and science and social studies and philosophy and random stuff! ahhhhhh monotony! on our first day me and supersam felt kind of lost because we didn't know how to distinguish between our classes because we kind of like have class in the same building for 3 or 4 hours straight at a time. and about drugs! drugs drugs drugs. so much drugs. i think my head is spinning. right now it is saturday and i was trying to plan out hte rest of my studying schedule. i don't even know how to do that. before, in school, they give you a chance to read ahead because we get like 102938102938 textbooks with 102938102983 pages in them, and they give you homework problems to do.. but now i don't have any homework problems! i don't even have text books for half my classes! what is that! it is all printed notes from the computer! i don't even know how to study ahead so instead, i am going to revert to re-reading my notes that i just learned the night before each class so that when it is time to crack down for my exam i will not be so frustrated that i don't know anything when i study for it and i will stop and cut back on the cramming. oh man, i feel so scared for this year! i am so scared that i am going to fail out because everything i am taking is so radically different from anything i have ever learned in my life. it is like -- a big flashy sign saying 'YOU ARE OFFICALLY GOING TO BE A PHARMACIST.' there's no way out anymore! this has become my destiny. scary to even have a destiny. sometimes i don't really believe in the destiny stuff because nothing ever goes as planned. when i was in 8th grade i didn't plan on being a pharmacist. i didn't plan on studying to be one of those people behind the counter at CVS. in high school i thought i would be saving the world in a top-secret lab blowing up stuff and studying rare species of bacteriums and playing with the titration thing. but now i am learning about drugs. then again, when i signed up for this pharmacy thing i didn't know this was the stuff i would be learning about. i thought i was going to walk in learning about how to count pills and learning which company makes which drug so everyone gets their prescription. of course, i have to learn about that stuff too, but i get to learn about cytochromes and DNA helixes and xenobiotic chemicals and fun stuff like that. and how to make cough syrup .. LOL! i hope and pray a whole lot that i do really really really good this semester. so that i will not feel like doing all this stuff is a lost cause. i hope that the next 4 years are going to be good. i hope for a lot of things. i know that graduating is humanly possible but i am still really scared that i am going to wake up one day and fail out of this crazy program. that is like my worst nightmare in the whole wide world .. besides someone dying or getting pregnant or something. it's up there. sometimes i get so freaked out that i am going to mess this up. i hope i don't. i pray and pray that i don't. that and i pray that i don't lose my sanity or anything.
other than all that pharmacy craziness.. i guess the first week of school was pretty good. i was a little sad i haven't really seen a lot of people i know [maybe because i have been stuck in my bermuda triangle of arc-hill-pharm buildings lol] but it was kind of nice that so many people come up to me and ask me mad questions like 'where are the grease trucks' or 'where is the pharmacy building' and i feel all special cuz i know where that stuff is. oh man, i am really old huh! i wonder what it is that makes me look so official that people ask me mad stuff like that. maybe i have that look of confidence with my jansport backpack and shit! hahaha. plus, i still work at the computer lab, it is much fun .. but now it is really getting hectic because there are so many people in the lab [like 50% already is pharm heads printing out all our shit] and some people are dumb and they think they can get in when we already say "hi you need ID." ah derrr! i hope that i can handle work and school too together .. it was a little fuzzy when i was hungry and i said something about a fudgy burrito and the other consultants thought that i was a nut. but it is still fun to sit around in the consultant station .. CCF are cool peoples. and it is nice to have money coming in and i don't have to sell my soul though clothing because some mean lady is forcing me to stay and dedicate my life to pants and ugly shirts for 30 something peeps. though, maybe one day they will make a fudgy burrito like they make choco tacos. mmmm .. oh yeah, i want some rita's italian ice before they close for the summer!
well, i guess i cannot complain about my life right about now. even though i am freaking about pharmacy during the first week of school, i cannot say that my life sucks, because so many people want to be in what i am in. and plus i have this boyfriend who is like, studious. like what the hell, he makes me look bad. lol. i thought i would never find a guy who would actually call me and tell me to study and ask me how i am doing. sometimes i think it is too good to be true and especially that i am very lucky to have such a smart dude .. even though he is really dorky at times .. joke! i still love him and all that shit. =) yay for you charles! YAY FOR YOU! =P heh, okay, time for me to go copy some notes. or maybe watch tv! LOL, so much for my new and improved study schedule .. nyahaha. catch you on the flip side!

ps. does anyone else notice how scary facebook got? it is actually funny because here i am complaining about its stalker-ish ness and yet i am feeding into my inner voyeurism by writing in my online blog about my innermost thoughts. how strange .. how strange

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; hehehehe! that gummy snake was the best. i miss you lots and i hope school and the desert is treating you well. come back soon again so we can have even more adventures. =)
joe aka jopapa; ehehehe. yeah, that gummy snake was crazy. too bad they don't sell them up around here i would so get you one.
gillian; HAHAHA .. you are a funny lady. you and your bahama mama and laughing and the pictures. ^_^

get loose -- do the magic robot

wow, so i've actually been putting off writing in my blog -- i was going to do it yesterday, and then i was going to do it this morning, but in the end, since i don't really feel like watching anything on tv, and since summer is coming to a close, and since i've been doing a lot of thinking .. yeah, now is a pretty good time to be writing up everything that's been going on in my life. less than a week ago my best friend in the universe jackie came over from arizona to visit me and come and play in the tri-state area. oh man, it was way way way too much fun.. she only stayed a week-ish and we went everywhere. we went to rutgers, point pleasant, menlo, woodbridge, the city 2 days in a row [AND we didn't get lost walking around by ourselves on friday!!] and we went to atlantic city too. now that we're older we're able to go more places and do more exciting things than when she first came.. even though when she first came back after 5 years we still had a bomb ass time doing absolutely nothing in edison. when she was here, it was like going on a second vacation! YES! =) even though i live in the tri-state area i rarely have the opportunity to go up to the city and act like a tourist. heck, i've never even been to the empire state building or the statue of liberty. yeah, i know, i'm lame. i swear, she is one of the most awesome-est people ever. i don't know if there is any other person that i could cruise down the street with blasting benny benassi and doing the magic robot with. or any other person who could help me grow and be more fashion forward. ahhhh, i miss her bunches; i can't wait for part 3 of our amazing adventures. and hopefully, maybe, just maybe -- one day, i'll be able to go out there to the desert to have some more fun and crazy adventures. when i look at us, as the years go by i see how different we are -- but i think that's what makes our friendship the best. i learn so much from her and i don't know if anyone understands my way of thinking like she does. anyways, enough of this mushy-ing around, here are some interesting moments in our adventures told in -- day-to-day random moments. with picture form! YAY!

shopping at target is awesome! and so is eating white castle mmmmmm. i heart tshirt dresses and mad sushi from u-yees.

"are you stalking me?"
"your mans'friend said you looked nice!"

nothing beats getting bodyslammed by the new jersey shore with my best friend.

"are you ready! i didn't come here just to look at it!"
[runs to the water]
woooosh!

later that night while hanging out with brian and mary:
"hey, can we pick up a jew?"
also, doing the magic robot down 27. yes!

image shots are such a throwback. plus, my bestfriend did lots of damage at woodbridge. thanks to gian for being a great personal shopper aka bag holder. ^_^

new york is beautiful this time of year

jackie loves shopao and when we took the shopaos home from chinatown it could have been like;
"gie, where's the shopao?"
jackie goes, glurp! :does glurping hand motion:
"mom, jackie ate all of them."
hehe, joke! =) it didn't really happen.

soho and noho and chinatown are wonderful. and so is the subway!
and h&m with the peer pressure to buy stuffs. "do it!"
and my utility belt aka cell phone which i accidentally kind of scratched! :sadness:
and my boyfriend and his manpurse .. nyahaha `;D he is the best-est. he went with us around to the beachy and to the city. awwww how sweet. =)
"he doesn't want to sit next to you tita!"

my 2 favorite commuters-for-the-day

the gug was amazing

and so was not getting lost .. we so know how to get around by ourselves .. hehehe

that gummy snake was bigger than her face

ah yes, the beauty of atlantic city ^_^

oh man, i love the disney sponsored anime movie howl's moving castle.
i love sophie
and i love the turnip head! oh man! i love the turnip head.

and then jackie left on sunday morning and there was chaos at the airport! oh man! and with her departure from dirty jersey, it was like my summer was coming to a close. i can't believe how fast my summer went -- even though going to school during your vacation kind of takes away the purpose of it, i'm glad it gave me something to do. i really felt like i learned a whole lot this summer .. moreso than i did last year .. and when i turn 20, i can definitely say that it'll feel a lot different than when i turned 19. as i come to the end of my 20th year of life and come to the close of 2 decades gone by, i think it'll be a turning point for me. already, at the end of this summer, i feel a whole lot different than i did last year. probably because so much has happened for me in such a short amount of time. sure, i should credit it much to the arrival of something called a "boyfriend" .. because i never thought i would be involved in a relationship during my college career, especially one who shared such random qualities with my ex. one time in my life, back when i was trying to get over my ex-boyfriend, and before i got to college, i wished that i could find someone who was kind of like my ex, except 100 times better. and i think i found that in charles. okaaayyy, i know you think i'm getting all mushy on you. so the main point is, that i finally realize that change in me. i hope it's for the better rather than the worse, but i know a change definitely happened this summer. i sure will miss my lazy days and lack of stress .. school is coming and i know it's coming with a vengeance. just like my acne .. ahhhhhh, someone get me some cream or something. lol. my skin has been pretty bad lately .. i think it's because it's summer .. but only time can tell about that one. or maybe, it's hormones. you know what causes hormones ..

imbalances in people's systems! =P

anyways, that is the end of my entry! i wish i had more to say, but nothing that is too serious or really substantial .. lol

go and do the magic robot yeah boy!

<3 to my best friend jackie for being the only one to give me a shoutout! she is the best!