tu amor // happy thanksgiving

so i actually had this really long entry in my head that i've been planning to write because it's been almost 2ish weeks since i've updated my blog -- yeah, i've been slacking, i know .. and since i finally changed up the layout a little bit i thought it would be the perfect opportunity to finally update and write something .. and plus, it is/was thanksgiving, and it wouldn't be appropo if i let a holiday go by and i didn't even write an entry for it. so anyways, here goes .. i guess i don't really have much to say because i'm in a better mood nowadays and when i get in a better mood i don't have my voices talking in my head and i kind of, more or less, have a blank mind. haha. but! let's start with what i am thankful for this year. or at least, what i am thankful for today. hahaha. in of course, our favorite, delightful picture form! hehehe. oh yeah! first, i am thankful that we got to have a "white people" thanksgiving like mary says and i got to eat mad yummy mashed potatoes and turkey and lasagna. yum!

second, i am thankful that me and mary's cupcakes came out maddd nice and people ate them!


i am thankful for my momma who drives me nuts like 24/7


i am thankful for these 2 lovely ladies


i am thankful for dunks made of denim and for the dude on ebay who was willing to sell them to me in my size


and of course i am thankful for this goofy yet oh-so-irresistibly cute boyfriend of mine .. hehe `;P

and of course i am also thankful for everything else in my life, even the crappy stuff, because that's what makes me appreciate all the good stuff in my life. even for the rain, i am thankful for the rain. and i am thankful that i am still alive even after all of the pharmacy bullshit that i've been going through. and i am thankful that i have a day off so that i can SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. mmmm yes. my semester is almost over! oooooh man. well .. i guess that it is all i have to say. hope you all had a great thanksgving k bye!

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; oh yes these shoes are definitely my show stoppers. =)
joe aka jopapa; we should! next time my class is canceled in the morning. :)
christine aka the homie; my new pants rock homie, all because of you. :) most definitely need another one of those getaways! oooo especially for xmas shopping .. yeeeaaahhh =D

heaven only knows

sorry for my last entry [well the last half, lol] it was really depressing. and then i watched without a trace today and some girl committed suicide in the bathtub. i never understood how that worked, and i don't want people looking through my shit thinking i was psychologically unstable, so let's get things straight -- i'm not depressed, i don't want to do anything like that [i mean, why take the easy way out -- take it like a woman and suffer! haha] and i am content and very thankful and happy for everything i have in my life. especially today .. today was one of those good days.

today i got to go to the mall with my homie .. and we walked around and i found skinny jeans that totally hugged my ass. and on sale too. and then i went out with charles and we ate sushi at u-yees that was mmm mmm oh so yummy. today is also charles and i 5 months whatever. nice. niiiice ..

it didn't rain today and my room looks amazing with its new blue paint. i even did some furniture rearrangement .. nice .. and my room has been the cleanest in about 5 years .. aahahahhaha. i can't wait to put up some pictures because my walls look bare. i am so happy with my color. it is post-it blue to a T. sherwin williams, this is my autoplug for you. people should paint their houses with sherwin williams paint. though when i went to home depot i saw this oh so cute room tinkerbell style with stars on a night colored ceiling. and yes, i'm going to put more stars in my sky. especially the constellation orion. yeaaaahh ..

other than that, the only other thing i would like to say is that i am in love with denim dunk cls. they are mad expensive like whoa! but i don't know .. they are like the shoe of shoes for me. oh man oh man ..

well anyways, i hope you all had a good night just like me. =)

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; ahahahahah .. i wanna be the .. uhm .. lion tamer! or trapeze artist! or the demented chinese acrobat twins! =) i love you best friend!
homie christine; hanging out at the mall is the best and thank you for being my stylist and picking out my cool grey skinny jeans. :) yay!

impossible

i hate life right now, but i love you.

my inspiration on so many levels.

i hate stressing. i hate feeling like i'm incapable. for the past couple of days that's all i've been feeling. i don't know where my passions for learning has gone. all i feel is hopelessness and desolation. after exams, all i feel like is like i'm a complete failure. why? why must it always be like this? why must i always carry this feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy with me every day? how come i don't enjoy learning? when i was in the bathroom someone scribbled on the wall, "not the paper, chase the dream." but i don't even know what my dream is. i mean, are you supposed to feel miserable studying for a career that you've blindly chosen? am i going about this all wrong? but it's like, what else can i do. i've chosen this path and i dodn't want to turn back. part of me just wants to prove to myself that i could actually do this, no matter how much i really hate every single moment of it. it's been torture for the past couple of weeks. i don't even know what to do to escape. but i can't even escape. i have no way out.. if i leave now, i leave with nothing. which is even worse. even more than getting out of this hell hole, i just want to feel like i'm worth something. i want to feel like i've accomplished something. i want that feeling of greatness again that i used to have in highschool. the feeling of knowing i was the best at everything i did. i excelled in everything. now i put my mind to it, and i can't even pass sometimes, it's that hard. what do i have to do? what more do i have to sacrifice to get what i want? am i just inherently stupid? is that what it is? i'm just a fricking dumb ass that doesn't know? i am trying to keep my scholarship hanging on a thread. i don't know where my willpower has gone. i don't know where my motivation to succeed has gone. everything just feels like a hopeless, dead end, vicious cycle of impending doom. sometimes i wish i could just leave all of this mess behind. sometimes, i truly hate my life and everything that i have to go through. i don't care who tells me i've got it easy because i don't. i hate every minute of this horror. i want it all to go away and i want to feel like i'm happy in what i've chosen. not just because of the money or the power or prestige .. i don't even know anymore. i have the most pounding headache and i feel like crying every minute right now .. i hate this, i really really hate this

lost without you

so i've been kind of slacking in my .. writing in my blog, so sad.. i guess i've been so busy and i don't really have much to say that i didn't have anything better to say here so i just left what i had before. lol .. i should be doing my calculations assignment for pharmaceutical care -- i'm a slacker i should be on top of my shit .. oh man, i need another break! even though i don't have any exams this week -- it was all a lie! they did it on purpose because i have this wretched assignment to do that i slacked and haven't started until now. and even now, i'm writing in my blog! i'm such a slacker .. such a frickin SLACKER ..
but enough ranting and raving, i am just feeling a lot better than i did a couple of days ago. there was a filipino couple that was involved in a murder suicide here in our area [if you live/lived around here you probably heard about it on the news or by word of mouth] and it was crazy how many people asked me if i knew the family. i reply no .. only that i know that someone i knew from way back was next-door neighbors to the family .. but it's so crazy. it got me thinking .. and you would probably think i was really morbid for thinking this but -- if something serious were to happen to me, how far would the shockwave go throughout the community? how much of a response would people have to my misfortune? would they just be interested for the sole fact of its sensationalism or would they honestly care? would people i met only once suddenly remember the one moment we ever had contact just to be able to form a connection to the story they saw on tv? i don't know. one thing's for sure .. people are usually quick to pay attention to horrible things .. who knows why, but i guess that is the way life is. the world is such a crazy and dangerous place ..
so yesterday [10/22] was RAPS annual halo-halloween -- yes, i know .. it's never on a sunday, but for some reason this year, that's when it was. it was an odd time to have it, and i was sad because some of my friends and etc didn't come .. and sad because i didn't even get to see the whole show, but being onstage was most fun .. and i'm glad i got to do it one more time before pharmacy really kicks me in the ass and i can't do it anymore. there are always people who think cultural dancing is corny and refuse to do it .. but iono, i've loved it since i've been doing it here in school. i don't know how much longer i can hold on because 18 credits is getting to be a lot these days. of course you already know that from reading this from time to time .. hahaha .. but anyways, congrats to all the performers yesterday .. even if i didn't get to see you, i'm sure you were all pretty awesome. =) i'm sad too because it started and ended so late and i was too assed to stay for the whole thing since i ended up dancing at 11pm. yeah .. late, i know.
today i gave out candy to my classmates in pharmacy .. yeah, i only had like 50 packs and i have 200 classmates, but to the random people i got to throw candy at, i'm glad i made their day. it makes me happy when i make other people happy. i guess, i aim to please, huh? yup. i sure do love candy .. i wish i could go trick-or-treating like back in the day, but i guess i'm getting too old for it. but, never too old for candy .. mmm .. 2 of the freshies on rcdt dressed up as fukyu and fukmi .. awwww. they are so cute .. hehehe. wish i had that kind of enthusiasm .. ^_^
i think i know what withdrawal feels like .. you know, when you go without something for a couple of days, you really start to miss it. yeah, i'm a whack ass, i missed my boyfriend already after 4 days. i couldn't even last. but then again, that's because i see him everyday [so you're probably thinking, but you see him everyday .. so a couple of days won't kill you] but contrary to popular belief, it does. maybe i'm just a sap or a loser or whatever, but i do. it's not like before, when i was a young one in high school, not seeing who i was in to for weeks, months on end. i don't know how i put up with that now that i look back on it. maybe because i was too busy fantasizing. nowadays i have to live in the here and now because so many things just leave in the blink of an eye. and when he's not here with me in the here and now, i feel like a part of me is missing. and i feel lonely .. [hey there lonely girl.. lol] and then i was looking at a quote from someone's profile, and i thought it was kind of funny-- "lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" ..ahahahaha. well, that's only true in about .. mmmmm, maybe 20% of the time. give or take a few.
unfortunately, i think i've run out of things to say. i've really got to get back in the game of writing in my blog because my past few entries have been crap. well this one has been. then again, sometimes, i like to be short and to the point instead of rambling. since i don't have anything to say. but anyways, okay, good night.

charles, i love you. you know that.


the end.

<3 to:
bestfriend in the universe [jackie] -- hahaha, those are great chill pills. and my new skinny jeans rock my world, just like you. =)
the fish [gillian] -- lol, sure.
the anonymous -- um, you're a fagnut. but thanks for the comment.

SOS: please, someone help me

so anyways, i'm on my break between studying this lovely molecule as well as memorizing the 20 amino acids .. and man .. i'm pretty proud of myself that i haven't completely died this weekend and i'm not feeling as sad as i was on thursday/friday .. things just keep getting more and more complicated as the semester goes on .. but i guess, it's expected -- after all, i am a 3rd year! but oh man people, i definitely was in a rut for about 2 weeks. possibly, when i take my other exams .. it'll come back with a vengenace, but for right now, i'm trying to savor the fact that i'm in a good mood once again. i think the sunshine definitely helps .. i hate going to school when it rains .. rain always makes me feel sad during the school year. i can't believe it's already october .. sometimes the days go by so agonizingly slow [you should see our pharmacy practice managment class LOL] and sometimes, i'm surprised at how fast we finish and that holy smokes! it's friday once again. =) friday has become my favorite day of the week .. i guess it helps that i don't work weekends and that charles and i usually go out after class on fridays, and of course, i get to catch up on allllll my sleep during the weekend. i think i'm finally getting used to the whole, feeling-tired-everyday thing, but it's annoying when my body refuses to wake up for my 8:55 am class. i'll have to work on that .. usually, i'm really good about it, but it doesn't help when i have a bajillion exams that i have to study for. ahhhh time management, what a biiiiiiiitch .. it makes me sad sometimes that i can't ever do much of anything fun anymore, it's as if i don't have the time because i always feel guilty that i should be using that time to be studying .. just like right now, lol .. but writing in my blogspot is always part of the escape i need from the hectic herd of moo-moos that stress out around me everyday. i wish they would all just take a chill pill .. it's starting to rub off on me too, because viv tells me to take some chill pills too. maybe i should invent that when i graduate .. 2010 seems so far away, i can't wait for that f-ing year to come.

well, um .. in something non-school related, i sure do love online shopping! of course, i haven't really bought much online .. and i'm trying to earn some money to actually buy another thing online .. but man! i didn't know that if you use your check card with the visa logo on it it's comparable to a credit card [minus the whole, gotta charge it and then pay for it later thing.] it's so tempting to go out and buy lots and lots of stuff .. so far, i just bought a microSD card for my phone that i'm hoping will come this week .. yay for music on my phone! i love my phone, but then i was searching the t-mobile website and they came out with more samsung phones. it's too late now to get a new phone [heller, i just got this one!] but you know, can't help but feel like i want to get another phone. poo .. but it's okay, it's a phone, and as long as it makes calls, then i'm set. i bought some skinny-ish jeans too from tjmaxx .. they are slimming and have a cigarette leg instead of a tapered leg .. which i guess is good .. i thought skinny jeans were supposed to be mad skinny but it's okay. they are freakin sold out everywhere! i tried on this outfit for my mom with a shirt i bought from h&m and she said i looked malnourished. LOL .. i felt like nicole richie for a hot minute .. and kind of nice because at least she didn't say i looked fat. eheh .. [contrary to popular belief, i too have weight issues and think i'm fat.] i would like some more flats too, but it's okay .. sneakers are the way to go for me right now because they are oh-so-comfy and plus i look like a bum almost every single day [except for wednesday when i have to look extra cool for when i go to pharmaceutics lab. OH! i needa go to H&M and/or target and buy some more professional clothes.. mmm ..] so much stuff i wanna buy .. damn, i'm so materialistic. ahahaha .. another reason why i am in pharmacy school .. =X

anywho, since my life has been mainly about books, i guess this is where the conversation has to end, friends. til next time, when i have something else to say again. peeeeeeease!

ps.// the song, 'enjoy' by janet jackson is hot. listen to it! =)

<3 to:
jon [santos]; you're welcome. =)
jackie [bestfriend]; hehe i love your cheese. delicious cheesy goodness. mmm especially cheese on my pizza .. yum!
gillian [breathing mechanisms of the fish woman]; YAY! i can't wait. i wanna go to ummm .. philadelphia or miami .. or .. let's go to LA!!!!! =D =D =D
ren [renee]; awww thanks ren i love you too! =)

these are the questions i ask myself

jonsantos (12:04:56 PM): what are you doing right at this second?
angelica (12:05:02 PM): ummmm
angelica (12:05:08 PM): i was about to write in my blogger-ness
jonsantos (12:05:39 PM): I'm looking at your blog right now
jonsantos (12:05:44 PM): can you blog me in there
angelica (12:05:46 PM): sure
jonsantos (12:05:51 PM): sweet
angelica (12:05:54 PM): what would you like me to say
jonsantos (12:06:22 PM): I was just about to blog then the epitomy of sexiness, Jon Santos, IMed me.
angelica (12:06:31 PM): gotcha
angelica (12:06:33 PM): anything else?
jonsantos (12:06:43 PM): that's about it
angelica (12:06:51 PM): lol okay
jonsantos (12:06:57 PM): =)

hahaa .. so anyways, part of my entry is dedicated to the self-proclaimed, "epitome of sexiness," the new alum of rutgers himself, jon santos. hehehe

but anyways, so week 2 of school is down, and here i am, still alive. but now, damn, i'm pretty exhausted .. i had my first few set of little exams/quizzes .. and i'm just hoping that i didn't seriously fck them up. it rained for half the week .. which kind of put in a downer -- especially when i have soggy pants because the rain is pouring like a mother and my pants are too long which leads them to dip into the ugly puddles of school. we got our shiny labcoats from our ceremony, and i have to admit, it puts a little bit of motivation and kind of brings to life everything that we've all been vigorously studying for. and of course, you know me, i'm a sucker for anything personalized with my name on it. woooooo .. it's almost like being in a sorority. joke .. i'm trying to find time to do things that aren't pharmacy related, but it's starting to feel in vain especially since everyday i come home and i'm ass tired .. too tired to do anything properly. i fall asleep by 11:30! i haven't done that since i was a freshman in highschool! lols. but i think i had a change in body clock this weekend because i took naps in the middle of the day which leads me to staying awake later. and i'm surprised that i actually look at notes at night .. maybe it's because i'm secretly freaking out that i'm going to fail. hmmmm .. i hope i still have time for fun ..
yesterday, i was having pretty much a half-crappy/half-really good day .. retail therapy tends to make me feel better than i usually do. and i can never resist comfortable weird colored sneakers. though, now i have to invest in something awkwardly green. like olive green. do i know how to rock something olive green? along with a wonderful timepiece purchased by my m-o-m. i don't even want to wear it now because it's so pretty. it's actually partially my birthday gift and my mom said not to wear it until my birthday .. that seems likely .. i was saving the pretty timepiece for a special occasion .. but i doubt i'll have any of those in the near future .. my birthday is still 3 months away. but for now, it's finally getting sunny and warm again .. it's almost like it's summer coming back to give me one last goodbye. but i don't mind .. it's time to wear longsleeves again and sweats and you know, jeans every other day.
i have a feeling this entry is going to be really short .. even though it has the possibility to be longer than anyone would expect .. but part of me feels like this part of me that's currently under stress needs to be kept to myself .. or just between a select few people. sometimes i forget how public things can get when i post stuff on the internet .. that's usually how drama starts, and i'm too old to be involved in such unncessary stress. gillian tells me that i need to learn to keep things in, yeah .. i'm getting to be good at that, i guess, although it does leave me in a vulnerable place at times. i guess there are just those types of problems that no one really knows how to cure .. and you either learn to live with it or get over it or maybe eventually it'll just go away.. and i'm not sure if school is really the best remedy for this.. but what can i do .. hey, at least it keeps my mind off of things. i feel like i need another vacation, and i need to get out of new jersey again. if only i had time to go up to the city.. especially since it's free for students to go next week. well, i guess this is the end of my mindless ramble. until next time when i actually have coherent and flowing comprehendable thoughts.

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; hehe .. i'm gonna go get the super dry ice from home depot and ship it to you like they do in the choco milk commercial. =)
joe aka jopapa; hey man, i don't like soggy pants. but next time, i will wear my cut up sweats.

drugs, 8th grade, and fudgy burritos

so it has only been about the first week of school and already i am like mad tired dude. and it's weird because i am a junior [aka 3rd year] in college and i feel like i just started high school or eighth grade! i don't understand. everything feels so different and sometimes i am just confused. in a nutshell, i have been learning about:

the stuff that makes up the drugs; [aka pharmacology]
the stuff that makes up the stuff that makes up the drugs; [aka molbio&biochemistry]
how to make the drugs; [aka pharmaceutics]
how to sell the drugs; [aka pharmacy practice&management]
how to deal with the people i sell the drugs to; [aka pharmacy care]
who used to sell the drugs a long time ago; [aka history of pharmacy]
and what it feels like to sell the drugs [aka intro practice experience]

it's so nutty. i feel like i don't know how to do normal stuff like add or subtract. i miss math and science and social studies and philosophy and random stuff! ahhhhhh monotony! on our first day me and supersam felt kind of lost because we didn't know how to distinguish between our classes because we kind of like have class in the same building for 3 or 4 hours straight at a time. and about drugs! drugs drugs drugs. so much drugs. i think my head is spinning. right now it is saturday and i was trying to plan out hte rest of my studying schedule. i don't even know how to do that. before, in school, they give you a chance to read ahead because we get like 102938102938 textbooks with 102938102983 pages in them, and they give you homework problems to do.. but now i don't have any homework problems! i don't even have text books for half my classes! what is that! it is all printed notes from the computer! i don't even know how to study ahead so instead, i am going to revert to re-reading my notes that i just learned the night before each class so that when it is time to crack down for my exam i will not be so frustrated that i don't know anything when i study for it and i will stop and cut back on the cramming. oh man, i feel so scared for this year! i am so scared that i am going to fail out because everything i am taking is so radically different from anything i have ever learned in my life. it is like -- a big flashy sign saying 'YOU ARE OFFICALLY GOING TO BE A PHARMACIST.' there's no way out anymore! this has become my destiny. scary to even have a destiny. sometimes i don't really believe in the destiny stuff because nothing ever goes as planned. when i was in 8th grade i didn't plan on being a pharmacist. i didn't plan on studying to be one of those people behind the counter at CVS. in high school i thought i would be saving the world in a top-secret lab blowing up stuff and studying rare species of bacteriums and playing with the titration thing. but now i am learning about drugs. then again, when i signed up for this pharmacy thing i didn't know this was the stuff i would be learning about. i thought i was going to walk in learning about how to count pills and learning which company makes which drug so everyone gets their prescription. of course, i have to learn about that stuff too, but i get to learn about cytochromes and DNA helixes and xenobiotic chemicals and fun stuff like that. and how to make cough syrup .. LOL! i hope and pray a whole lot that i do really really really good this semester. so that i will not feel like doing all this stuff is a lost cause. i hope that the next 4 years are going to be good. i hope for a lot of things. i know that graduating is humanly possible but i am still really scared that i am going to wake up one day and fail out of this crazy program. that is like my worst nightmare in the whole wide world .. besides someone dying or getting pregnant or something. it's up there. sometimes i get so freaked out that i am going to mess this up. i hope i don't. i pray and pray that i don't. that and i pray that i don't lose my sanity or anything.
other than all that pharmacy craziness.. i guess the first week of school was pretty good. i was a little sad i haven't really seen a lot of people i know [maybe because i have been stuck in my bermuda triangle of arc-hill-pharm buildings lol] but it was kind of nice that so many people come up to me and ask me mad questions like 'where are the grease trucks' or 'where is the pharmacy building' and i feel all special cuz i know where that stuff is. oh man, i am really old huh! i wonder what it is that makes me look so official that people ask me mad stuff like that. maybe i have that look of confidence with my jansport backpack and shit! hahaha. plus, i still work at the computer lab, it is much fun .. but now it is really getting hectic because there are so many people in the lab [like 50% already is pharm heads printing out all our shit] and some people are dumb and they think they can get in when we already say "hi you need ID." ah derrr! i hope that i can handle work and school too together .. it was a little fuzzy when i was hungry and i said something about a fudgy burrito and the other consultants thought that i was a nut. but it is still fun to sit around in the consultant station .. CCF are cool peoples. and it is nice to have money coming in and i don't have to sell my soul though clothing because some mean lady is forcing me to stay and dedicate my life to pants and ugly shirts for 30 something peeps. though, maybe one day they will make a fudgy burrito like they make choco tacos. mmmm .. oh yeah, i want some rita's italian ice before they close for the summer!
well, i guess i cannot complain about my life right about now. even though i am freaking about pharmacy during the first week of school, i cannot say that my life sucks, because so many people want to be in what i am in. and plus i have this boyfriend who is like, studious. like what the hell, he makes me look bad. lol. i thought i would never find a guy who would actually call me and tell me to study and ask me how i am doing. sometimes i think it is too good to be true and especially that i am very lucky to have such a smart dude .. even though he is really dorky at times .. joke! i still love him and all that shit. =) yay for you charles! YAY FOR YOU! =P heh, okay, time for me to go copy some notes. or maybe watch tv! LOL, so much for my new and improved study schedule .. nyahaha. catch you on the flip side!

ps. does anyone else notice how scary facebook got? it is actually funny because here i am complaining about its stalker-ish ness and yet i am feeding into my inner voyeurism by writing in my online blog about my innermost thoughts. how strange .. how strange

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; hehehehe! that gummy snake was the best. i miss you lots and i hope school and the desert is treating you well. come back soon again so we can have even more adventures. =)
joe aka jopapa; ehehehe. yeah, that gummy snake was crazy. too bad they don't sell them up around here i would so get you one.
gillian; HAHAHA .. you are a funny lady. you and your bahama mama and laughing and the pictures. ^_^

get loose -- do the magic robot

wow, so i've actually been putting off writing in my blog -- i was going to do it yesterday, and then i was going to do it this morning, but in the end, since i don't really feel like watching anything on tv, and since summer is coming to a close, and since i've been doing a lot of thinking .. yeah, now is a pretty good time to be writing up everything that's been going on in my life. less than a week ago my best friend in the universe jackie came over from arizona to visit me and come and play in the tri-state area. oh man, it was way way way too much fun.. she only stayed a week-ish and we went everywhere. we went to rutgers, point pleasant, menlo, woodbridge, the city 2 days in a row [AND we didn't get lost walking around by ourselves on friday!!] and we went to atlantic city too. now that we're older we're able to go more places and do more exciting things than when she first came.. even though when she first came back after 5 years we still had a bomb ass time doing absolutely nothing in edison. when she was here, it was like going on a second vacation! YES! =) even though i live in the tri-state area i rarely have the opportunity to go up to the city and act like a tourist. heck, i've never even been to the empire state building or the statue of liberty. yeah, i know, i'm lame. i swear, she is one of the most awesome-est people ever. i don't know if there is any other person that i could cruise down the street with blasting benny benassi and doing the magic robot with. or any other person who could help me grow and be more fashion forward. ahhhh, i miss her bunches; i can't wait for part 3 of our amazing adventures. and hopefully, maybe, just maybe -- one day, i'll be able to go out there to the desert to have some more fun and crazy adventures. when i look at us, as the years go by i see how different we are -- but i think that's what makes our friendship the best. i learn so much from her and i don't know if anyone understands my way of thinking like she does. anyways, enough of this mushy-ing around, here are some interesting moments in our adventures told in -- day-to-day random moments. with picture form! YAY!

shopping at target is awesome! and so is eating white castle mmmmmm. i heart tshirt dresses and mad sushi from u-yees.

"are you stalking me?"
"your mans'friend said you looked nice!"

nothing beats getting bodyslammed by the new jersey shore with my best friend.

"are you ready! i didn't come here just to look at it!"
[runs to the water]
woooosh!

later that night while hanging out with brian and mary:
"hey, can we pick up a jew?"
also, doing the magic robot down 27. yes!

image shots are such a throwback. plus, my bestfriend did lots of damage at woodbridge. thanks to gian for being a great personal shopper aka bag holder. ^_^

new york is beautiful this time of year

jackie loves shopao and when we took the shopaos home from chinatown it could have been like;
"gie, where's the shopao?"
jackie goes, glurp! :does glurping hand motion:
"mom, jackie ate all of them."
hehe, joke! =) it didn't really happen.

soho and noho and chinatown are wonderful. and so is the subway!
and h&m with the peer pressure to buy stuffs. "do it!"
and my utility belt aka cell phone which i accidentally kind of scratched! :sadness:
and my boyfriend and his manpurse .. nyahaha `;D he is the best-est. he went with us around to the beachy and to the city. awwww how sweet. =)
"he doesn't want to sit next to you tita!"

my 2 favorite commuters-for-the-day

the gug was amazing

and so was not getting lost .. we so know how to get around by ourselves .. hehehe

that gummy snake was bigger than her face

ah yes, the beauty of atlantic city ^_^

oh man, i love the disney sponsored anime movie howl's moving castle.
i love sophie
and i love the turnip head! oh man! i love the turnip head.

and then jackie left on sunday morning and there was chaos at the airport! oh man! and with her departure from dirty jersey, it was like my summer was coming to a close. i can't believe how fast my summer went -- even though going to school during your vacation kind of takes away the purpose of it, i'm glad it gave me something to do. i really felt like i learned a whole lot this summer .. moreso than i did last year .. and when i turn 20, i can definitely say that it'll feel a lot different than when i turned 19. as i come to the end of my 20th year of life and come to the close of 2 decades gone by, i think it'll be a turning point for me. already, at the end of this summer, i feel a whole lot different than i did last year. probably because so much has happened for me in such a short amount of time. sure, i should credit it much to the arrival of something called a "boyfriend" .. because i never thought i would be involved in a relationship during my college career, especially one who shared such random qualities with my ex. one time in my life, back when i was trying to get over my ex-boyfriend, and before i got to college, i wished that i could find someone who was kind of like my ex, except 100 times better. and i think i found that in charles. okaaayyy, i know you think i'm getting all mushy on you. so the main point is, that i finally realize that change in me. i hope it's for the better rather than the worse, but i know a change definitely happened this summer. i sure will miss my lazy days and lack of stress .. school is coming and i know it's coming with a vengeance. just like my acne .. ahhhhhh, someone get me some cream or something. lol. my skin has been pretty bad lately .. i think it's because it's summer .. but only time can tell about that one. or maybe, it's hormones. you know what causes hormones ..

imbalances in people's systems! =P

anyways, that is the end of my entry! i wish i had more to say, but nothing that is too serious or really substantial .. lol

go and do the magic robot yeah boy!

<3 to my best friend jackie for being the only one to give me a shoutout! she is the best!

meet me at the altar in your white dress

so after months of planning, trying on dresses, seeing some naaaaked men, and a family meeting 2 days before the big day .. kuya jeff and celeste are happily married. =) can i get an "awwwww." lol. at first, i didn't expect them to get married yet -- after all, ate got married after 30, and then i always had this feeling that jenn would be next in line .. but hey, when you feel ready, you feel ready -- and maybe this was their moment to do the damn thing. i didn't know that celeste was kuya jeff's only real girlfriend .. awww, can i get another awwww? haha. the wedding turned out to be pretty fun -- at first, i hated my dress for 3 months because it looked like a disaster on me, but after a drastic alteration, it wasn't so bad. me and mary even ended up not changing during the reception. anyways, everytime i go to a wedding, i think about how i would do my own wedding .. when it would happen, who it would be, how big it would end up getting, and all the necessary [and some, unecessary] details that i have to look out for. when the going gets tough, i always think like .. man, i just want a really, really simple wedding. heck, i just want to elope with my fiancee in las vegas and tell, in essence, no one that we got married. but knowing my family, i'll probably be biting my words when i say i'm eloping, because everyone in my family -- from my cousins, to my aunts and uncles, to of course, my mom and dad -- wants to get involved in planning my wedding the way they all think i should want it to be. and sometimes, yeah, they're right -- but hey, it's my big day, not yours. lol. for one thing, i plan on walking down the aisle in kicks. seriously. yeah, i know i could be rockin some kick ass jimmy choos or something under my gown -- but i want to walk down that wedding aisle in my best pair of retro nikes ever. my fiancee/future husband -- he can wear patent leather shiny shoes for all i care. but i want to wear sneakers. for one thing -- i believe in comfort. high heels are not the most comfortable shoes to be walking around in. and number 2, i thought about it, and it's something symbolic for me too. like, your wedding day is the first day of a long journey called forever that you're gonna be on with this guy. it's gonna be long, and difficult at times .. so it would be good to have comfy walking shoes to wear while you walk on this endless and wonderful journey. no? :) and plus, i just love sneakers, duh. =) anyways, i hope people don't make a big fuss and be like -- blah blah blah, that's not very ladylike. yeah, well i don't care because it's my wedding. and i could feel the endless criticism coming from my family during the course .. but really, hey. it's not your big day. leave them alone. but who cares .. i have yet to see what stuff people shall say when it's my turn. =T but anyways, weddings are fun! me and mary accidentally missed picture time to go to cocktail hour.. we didn't have a ride to the manor so we rode with ate and ate all the hors d` ouvres we wanted.. good we did, it was the best-est food of the whole night. that and dessert .. how yummy! =) i just heart all the love/romance-y stuff. yeah, i know, maybe i'm just a little too young to be thinking about marriage. but hey -- i'm not getting any younger. lol. i don't really know when the next wedding will be in my line of atienza cousins .. my 2 older cousins have yet to find martial prospects and jenn wants to get married when she's 30. [good timing, i'll be out of pharmacy school! ^_^] so, i guess this is the end-ish of the wedding extravaganza that i've been in for the past couple of years. gee, everyone likes to get married around me. hahahaha .. and once in a while, i like to think of which of my friends would get married first. kind of hard to make a prediction, since we're all so career focused .. and at one point, there was no hope of finding a prospect. lol. but soon enough, it'll be that time of our generation for us to get married. oh man, all this future stuff is scary sometimes because i forget to realize just where in my life i am. it still strikes me that i'm in college and i have to grow up. ah, growing up. why does it have to be so difficult? lol. i still don't know how to do it. but anyways, i think this is the end of my entry for today. my best friend in the entire universe is coming tonight and it's time for part 2 of angelica and jackie's super adventures! =) hehe. so i'll catch you all on the flip side kids!

<3 to:
christine aka the homie; awwww homie! i'm glad you like your pasalubong because when i saw it, i totally thought of you. =)
bestfriend jackie [2for2]; OMG YES! IM SO PSYCHED. weeeeeee! and yes .. hehe, i am an airport / trolley whore. and now i get to pick you up from the airport. YAY!

a little less conversation, a little more action please

viva las vegas! =) so here i am, back from vacation in the land of pimps and hos, sin city itself -- las vegas! lol, to be honest [then again, i'm only 19 so i couldn't really do a lot of the big kid stuff hahaha] sin city isn't really sinful. with the exception of gluttony, jealousy, greed, and maybe anger -- you can't really commit lust or something because #1; prostitution is illegal in clark county [where las vegas is located] and #2; of course -- you have to be 21 to gamble/go clubbing/eat in the lounges/etc etc. but it's okay -- i heart the arcades [where i wasted money on driving games] and the shoppings, where i burned money on food and souvenirs and a pair of sneakes that i wanted to come home with on the plane. [then i arrived in jersey and found out they were selling them tax free at kids footlocker in menlo. =T but who cares they are still t-i-g-h-t. yessir!] but i'm glad to be back home.. in my house, with my stuff, and my family, and friends, and of course, with this boyfriend guy once again living in another town 15 mins away. i still feel kind of out of whack from the vacation because i feel so tired. but it was fun -- i'm a loser, my favorite part was riding in the airplane and going to the airport. i love it! i can't wait to do it again. hmmm .. i wonder where my next destination will be. i say, los angeles. or, miami. or, arizona to visit my best friend in the universe. or even, philippines, because there's some shindig that my family is planning on attending. whoa now! so anyways, i don't know how best to explain my vacation so i will use one of my favorite methods of telling the story -- picture form! =) click to enlarge!

pink dog in our hotel the grandview at las vegas. we were plugging it when we saw their stands in the strip. ehehehe


the strip during the day. taken through the protective glass of the pedestrian walkway haha


mandalay bay!


the trolley we had to take everyday to get to the strip. we were such trolley whores that the trolley drivers even remembered who we were. they were so funny too.
"have a trolley of a day!"
"DO NOT leave children on my bus! my wife is not going to like that especially if they the wrong color."
"this girl is like my first ex-wife. petite and sweet, just like a bullet."
shoutouts to reggie and ernesto; the best trolley drivers ever. hehe


cirque du soleil was awesome. i saw O, so i don't ttink they wore masks because everyone had to know how to swim for the show.. but this mask was still fun. hehe. it was so cool, try to check it out if you ever go to vegas!


ah yes, the pool. working on my amazing light tan. and i didn't get burned! thanks to SPF 30 sunblock all day every day ^_^


we actually saw a family that really got married in las vegas and we asked them if we could take pics with them .. i forgot to get their names but they were really gracious to pose with us! =)


boredom at the airport leads to flying action pics!


ate mercy told us to go to the grand canyon but we were too lazy. it's okay, because i got a better view for free when i rode in the plane going home. =)

and that was my vacation in a nutshell -- i still have 200 pics to upload to webshots.. i have some up now if you wanna look -- check it out! =)

well anyways, that's just about what's been going on in my life this summer. went back to work the monday i came back -- i was a little tired, but i gotta make that paper. hehe. kuya jeff and celeste's wedding is coming up in a week-ish .. i get to wear my [sarcasm] most favorite dress in the world. =T eh, whatevs. then school starts .. oh man! can you say, third year! what! holy smokes kids. better enjoy this nothingness while i still can. hopefully, i can go to the beach someday before summer is over. or maybe atlantic city .. more family togetherness. i am glad i got to spend some quality time with the fam-jams because this past summer it's been like i haven't been able to see them that much because i am working or out with charles or my other friends. it makes me sad .. even though i didn't do anything last summer, at least i got to spend lots of quality time with my family. so today, i think i'm gonna spend some more time with my godkids .. joy joy! =) ummmm .. i think i don't have much to say again. so i guess it's time to wrap up this entry! i would have had some other stuff to say, but the awkwardness is gone -- and let's leave it at that. til next time kids .. see you on the flip side! take care in the heat! it's like 100 degrees! i just came back from hot and i come home to hot. but that's okay because i'm ready! bring it on mother nature! lol. peeeeease !

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; oh yes! mmmm chicken! ahahahahahha ..
christine aka the homie; hehe anytime! vegas was fun =) thanks for my bonvoyage call! i love you too homie!
marielle; i miss you too! i was reading some trashy mags in the airport too! hehe. i heart the airport!
star; hello! long time no see! how was your trip out of country? i hope it was well. hehe yes, i've been having a good time this summer! take care and thanks for visiting!
sam aka supersam; hehehe! yes! gluttony was definitely the top sin. LOL!
nicole; hey nicole! awww thanks =) yeah, it was pretty crazy before with my mom .. i think things are still really weird, but they've gotten a little better. have fun at st. john's! i'm not sure if i can come friday.. [me and mary have to fulfill our duties as bridesmaids lol] but if not, have fun for me and i hope i see you again before you leave for big bad college! =)

girl you know what's up

hello lovers and friends! well first off, i would like to apologize for my last part of my entry being really angry .. maybe i shouldn't have to apologize, but hey -- it's not usually my nature to be bitter, and if anyone was offended or took it the wrong way, i am sorry. =) anyways, i had planned on updating earlier, but i didn't have anything to say -- i still don't, but now i feel like updating is a little bit easier and maybe i can just .. i denno. something will come out. haha. right now, it's monday and we're in the midst of a heat wave here in dirty jersey .. temps reached about, 95+ degrees here, and i don't have much relief .. except to run through the sprinklers every so often,and of course, to take a cool dip in a pool in a home in another town through the graciousness of a certain special someone -- if you know what i mean. `;D that and i could really, really use some rita's italian ices. mmmm .. cold .. gelati .. yummy .. but anyways, i guess i should get some of that before i leave for las vegas .. i don't think they have it there.. basically an east coast thing, huh? yeah. =)
last saturday was my nanay's padasal -- the annual family holiday that to me, is comparable to christmas, minus the fact that it's in july and there's no presents. that and i get bit by all the stupid bugs outside when we have the mass. they really, really itch .. oh man, all i want to do is scratch scratch scratch. but that's okay .. i guess it's subsiding, especially with the hydrocortizone and aquaphor that have become my new drugs of choice. [don't worry, it's just ointment. haha] but anyways, it was pretty fun and random, full of food and family members that i don't even know who they are but apparently they know who i am. haha. there was some lady at the party who kept talking to me and my homie and charles and she told homie that she was prettier than cameron diaz. hehe ! and charles is such a trooper, he came to the party straight up after his flight arrived from san francisco. awwww. =) someone likes me a whole lot. hehe ! i like him a lot too. and i think my family does .. or something .. i think they get the hint that he's my boyfriend. i just forgot to mention that, i'm so used to introducing everyone as my friend. and then, GASP! i have a what? a boyfriend? what? what is that word. word! but anyways, i guess all the hard work of shrimp peelings and barbecue stick making and plus, reading all the readings at the mass because my cousins all chickened out [LOL] was worth it. ate said that sooner or later jeremy will grow up and he'll be the one to read.. but for now, i guess it's just me. haha. ate and jenn were telling me that mom and ninang fely were kind of tired to keep throwing the party for nanay and tatay's padasal because they're getting old and sometimes it feels like it's just turning into a party to show off ninang b's house instead of what the party is really supposed to represent. but then again, maybe i'm still too young to understand things like that [yeah i know, i'm 19, but still!] and all i know for me is that, it's my duty as a cousin in the family to keep it going. tradition i guess, what can i say. =) and it's funny because the party used to end really late -- i would be at ninang b's until 12 or 1 am, and now, the party ends by 10. how early! lol. and you know me and the pictures --

abbygail is so cute! i love my goddaughter =)

hehe .. sleeping .. and still looking good. `;D

i heart the homie aka the newest member of my extended family. hehehe

but anyways, other than that, it's just work and, wasting my summer days away. =) i'm really excited, i'm going on vacation on saturday july 22 to hot and sunny sin city aka las vegas ! yayayayyay! i can't wait to ride in an airplane. i just love the airport! too bad because of homeland security and all, you can't just randomly go to the airport for no reason just like you can randomly go to a rest stop and get roy rogers fried chicken. mmm mmm mmm. i can't wait to do nothing and have fun on vacation! wweeeee! my mom was making fun of me that i was a little too excited because i kind of finished packing in one night. hahaha .. but then again, i know there's stuff that i might take out or something, and stuff i still need to put in, but for the most part, i got most of my junk in the trunk! yeah! i know that it's gonna be like 100 degrees there .. and 100 degrees here, but whatevs! i just want to get out of the state. hahaha .. and walk around and be a tourist and take pictures and yayayayay! and wear a bikini! hehehe! and and SOUVENIRS! WOOOOO
lol, i'm whack i know. =)

well anyways, i guess that is the end of my entry or something. maybe i'll be updating again later before i leave, who knows. hope you all have a wonderful evening! and take care in the heat.. it's pretty brutal out there!

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie; awww thanks bestfriend in the universe! =) i love pictures too!
the gian; hehe thanks gian! yeah, i have the other picture on my cd -- i'll send it to you. i still think you look fresh in that one. don't worry, i'll definitely let you know if need some backup in the whoopass department. =)
christine aka the homie; awww thanks homie! someone is also part of a dynamic duo that is oh so adorable. `;D definitely need another homie hang out.. forrreeeaaalllsss.
marielle; hehe awww thanks! =) hope things are going well for you in MA!

number 1 smash hit

well since it is summer, here is another random entry ! yay. hehe. first off i've got to say,

happy independence day!

since you know, it is 4th of july and all, i'm just kind of sad that i don't really get to watch fireworks this year and plus, it's raining ish outside. too bad so sad .. but oh well, i do have a philosophy final to study for that right now, i'm really not. where's my motivation -- holy crap, i totally fell asleep in class yesterday. O.0 hehehehe. it was pretty bad. i still think that one time with the dude who was our substitute .. that was the best class. too bad he wasn't our lecturer from the start. but oh well .. it's starting to sunny up outside, which is good .. i can go out and re-warm myself because it is cold in my house. then again, yay for air conditioning! yayayay. LOL, i really don't have anything good to say in my blog right now .. i think i'm really just rambling on and on. i kind of wanted to go to atlantic city today .. or some day .. something about altantic city feels like summer to me .. even though it's pretty dirty down there. dirty food and dirty casinos. except the borgata .. that's hella nice. mmmmm. that and six flags. nothing beats riding roller coasters in 80 degree weather and sweating and stuff like that. oh summer .. i want a slurpee too. and a new swimsuit. and a new bag, and some sunblock .. shorts for sleeping .. damn, i'll be spending mad moneys this month. especially on vacation! what what! okay since i don't have anything good to say i'll just post up pictures because that is what i meant to do. hahahaha .. so to better explain what has happened in the past couple of days since i wrote, i shall use picture form! ever so useful, no? =) click to enlarge! =)

i'm sorry gil, but this guy is really hot. ^_^ really, really ..


sneaking into the picture, are we?


fire hazardly blocking the way to the counter


i think these people are awesome. yay fusion!


fobby peace signs!


updated most wanted. yeahhh boy! be jealous.

well anyways, that is how i have been spending my summer vacation. =] and one more thing, yeah, it's pretty bad when parts of my entries are really angry, but whatever, i feel like i should have to say this because someone won't and i think they should, but i know they can't because they're too nice to do it which is what makes them really awesome in the first place. it's really f*cked up how some people can treat other people. especially when it's to really awesome people. why they gotta be like that? that's not fair. who thinks that they have the right to be like they're the shit and that they have the right to rule the world. excuse, me, uh, no? because you're garbage! GARBAGE! did i stutter? no! because you're GARBAGE!

all i gotta say is that don't ever f*ck around with me, my family or my friends. yeah i'm only 5'1'' but i have the capacity to kick your ass. people say this all the time, but i promise you, i will follw through. i will take my eskrima stick and i will bust your ass in front of all your dumb friends and those dumb ugly guys who think you're awesome. because they're dumb too! like i learned in philosophy, maybe they have some inverted spectrum problem! yeah, i know i've been treated pretty shitty myself, and didn't really do anything. and yeah, i really don't like to pick fights with people because i believe violence is wrong. but you know what else? i'm a lover and a fighter. i don't take shit from anyone, especially some stupid ass bitch who thinks she's the shit. yeah, alright. don't even play with me. you're crap! there will always be people that i just don't like in this world, and don't even tell me all their freakin good qualities. i don't buy into that garbage. hell, i'm getting too old for all this shit, but it's pretty bad how these stupid ass people act! IT MAKES ME REALLY PISSED OFF AND I WILL NOT HESITATE TO FLIP A BITCH. really. i don't like to wish death on people because that is neither right nor fair, but i know damn well that i hope you suffer! that's right. i hope you fail and cry and then you experience the pain that i went through for 2 years. because i heard where you're going.. and you know what! i won't hesitate to LAUGH IN YOUR FACE! and then you don't know what to do because you would be such a failure! and you suck at life! a LOT! and then you realize just how dumb you are! because you're dumb! DUMB! and and and! don't talk about my boyfriend like you're better because you're crap! CRAP!

amidst all that, i still pull the whole silence thing. hey, i learned it from my parents, what can i say. haha. and obviously, it works. lol. but anyways, i am done being angry. my emotional expense-- even my anger -- is not worth being wasted on these childish, crappy people. because i love my friends! and i love mary and gabe and mike, my mom and my dad, and my best friend in the universe, and my homie, and the breathing mechanisms of the fish, and .. ^_^

well okay i am done! sorry if you think that was directed towards you, if you do, you're probably wrong about that. so anyways! time to study for real. .. psh, yeah, okay ..

<3 to:
gillian; aww thanks gil! i love your comment! =) it's rough at times, but i know the time will come when it will be over. i hope. hehe
bestfriend jackie x2; hehehe you're the greatest. thanks for always listening, especially that one time when i didn't realize you had free nights yet because of the 3 hr thing. ^_^ and mahal kita din! =D

the silence hurts my ears

yeah so, even though it's summer, my entries in here have been kind of sporadic.. i check it everyday, but yet, i never really have much to say .. work's been -- work.. pretty chill and all, sometimes i think i should work like 40+ hours a week because the hours i work aren't keeping up with my illustrious spending habits. the ironic thing is, i don't really buy anything but food and gas. and the occasional, movie ticket here and there. either that, or i should really stop going out. haha. but that's what summer is about, having fun and being young .. er, growing up too, yeah, something like that. today, though, i'm staying home, doing nothing, wasting away just like i planned, but the silence in my house is killing me. once again the parental units are giving the 'let's ignore our daughter to teach her a damn lesson' trick.. but mary told me to just "aye so" it, because they will have to get over it eventually. i think. well, whatever .. what i said or didn't say isn't the worst thing, for crying out loud, i didn't even go swimming .. no reason to freak out on me like this. i wasn't lying, goodness gracious. but fine, be cranky, ugh. compared to other kids my age, i'm pretty damn good. but since i'm a proper friend, i'm not gonna say shit because that's not right either. i just hate how my good mood always gets killed when i come home. but then again, didn't i want to get yelled at? didn't i want to get in trouble? mmmm .. i guess so, but who knows anymore. i'm lonely once again, but i just want to stay home. and do my philosophy ..? probably. i can't believe that summer session is over already. it went by so freakin fast, 5 weeks gone, just like that. and i'm leaving for las vegas in about 3ish weeks, that's some pretty crazy shit too -- i think i need to get some things before i leave .. trying to make a list, but maybe i'll just buy it over there instead to save myself the trouble of packing .. hehehe. but other than the deafening silence in my house right now, the big picture is pretty rosy. which makes me feel pretty good -- it's nice to be content with your situation instead of always wishing something would happen. i've been busy, and all .. and i miss my friends .. but you know, we have to be grownups and work. and even then, i don't know if i'm ready to be a grownup. 4 years, maybe? maybe. big maybe. i just know that i have my plan for after i graduate -- i plan on moving out. forreals. i think about it every once in a while, moreso when i get in trouble and my short ass leash gets yanked -- hell yes, i am moving out and being on my own for a while. i need to learn how to fend for myself. i told it to my mom and she made me feel like a guilty piece of shit:

mom: why are you going to move there? that's so far away.
me: it's not that far away. it's like an hour.
mom: [pauses]
me: what?
mom: nothing, it's like you're abandoning me.

sure mom, i'm going to abandon you. what the hell?! who says that to people. only my oh so eloquent mother, because she really knows how to make me feel like crap. all the time. all the time! man, f*ck that man .. well hopefully, things will be okay -- i don't know how to break it to her that charles was invited for tomorrow .. i have to, before tomorrow .. hopefully, she will not give me a dirty look. what is up with people these days .. goodness. oh yeah, i saw superman yesterday and it was pretty good. pretty long, but good too. i guess i should really get cracking on my philosophy homework soon .. my final is on wednesday and all .. and plus, i still have homework to do and stuff like that. man, i feel kind of drained. oh yeah! happy 4th of july too in case i don't write another entry between now and then. lol, i still don't have much to say. oh yeah, those icons that everyone has around are really fun to make. i made some of my own too. but mine are more for me and, yeah. i wonder where mary is .. she always knows how to put me in a good mood. i'm so blah i don't even feel like eating either. just going to sleep and hopefully waking up and maybe everything will be better again. will it? sigh .. sigh .. SIGH. well i am done rambling. till next time loves.

<3 to:
bestfriend jackie: i hope you get my package soon. long days yay!
marielle aka shmelle: awwww! of course dear i love you too! take care in massachusetts!
eddie: haha yeah, the best times are the ones i always get in trouble for. =)

if i want to

so right now, i'm currently listening to what could be my new summer mix cd for my car .. yeah, i have old songs mixed in right now, and yeah, i should be doing my homework .. but i just finished writing a philosophy paper, and i still have a commentary to do .. so right now, i just want to take a little break because i did pretty kick ass on my last philosophy paper thanks to the creativity of jopapa and a certain 511. anyways .. tensions have been running a little high here in the family household .. GOD only knows why [yes, the GOD that i proved that existed `;P] and i think i just need some time alone to rejuvenate and get my thoughts back in order. i was feeling pretty jumbled after this past week, and it's nice to come back to some kind of normal -- even though it's kind of mundane and repetitive every week. though, summer classes do end in about 2 weeks .. holy smokes .. and my 2nd philosophy paper is due on monday. crunch time again, kids! wow. but i guess pressure's good, and i actually have time to put together a good bs again that's another 1000 words. yeeeah boy. =)
i had a pretty eventful weekish since the last time i updated .. for one thing, i got my first taste of freedom/independence/youthfulness when i hit up the city with the whole crew for gillian's 21st. 21.. holy smokes, i still remember having sweet 16s. anyways, contrary to what is the common belief about he-said-she-said -- i did have a good time; it all came down to being tired and getting in trouble. but anyways, yeah .. i don't know when or if i'll ever be able to do something like that again .. at least i can say that i did it once, at least i can say i reveled in the recklessness of my youth.. pulling an all-nighter and not sleeping and enjoying the company of my peers. =] so whatever you heard, whatever someone said, let's set the record straight -- there are no hard feelings and i appreciate the fact that i was invited and allowed to go and had the opportunity to exeperience what i did. if i could do it again -- yeah, now that i think about it, sure i would .. maybe i might do some things differently, but hey. you only life once, and you're only young once. so on that note, i had a good time. there you go.
so, really, the worst thing about being on summer vacation is that i have a lot of time to sit and think about things. haha. today i ran away from home -- only to jenn's house, don't freak out lol -- and had a chill out session with my cousin. i swear, she is the frickin bomb greatest in the world.. maybe you don't really get it because you don't really have family who's mostly within a 5 mile radius from you -- but my family rocks. did i mention that? i don't know what i would do without them. for all of the craziness i endure and for everything that goes on in my life -- my family has always been there for me .. even more so now that i'm growing up and it's all starting to level and i'm finally becoming an adult or some shit like that. who knows. but yeah .. my cousins are what it is, gangsters. they are by far, the coolest people in the world. without question. no one on this planet has my back like they do.. or knows how to set me straight like they do. so jenn helped me think through things .. i'm still a little confused about what i'm supposed to do or say or where i'm supposed to go with everything .. but hopefully everything works out. and when i came back from jenn's, i was glad that some of the tension i was feeling at home finally broke. maybe because i have school and work tomorrow anyways .. time to be responsible again .. ahahaha .. which reminds me, i need to cut back on the spending, people, because i won't have any money to go on vacation with. shit, let's look for coverage, no? let's! well anyways, i intended to write a really long ass entry here, because i haven't really been updating, but i guess, this is all i have to say. when i have more, you know i'll be writing again. but before i go, i hope you all like my new layout. =) i haven't changed it in a while, but since it's summer and all, i had to make a summer layout. yeah, it's kind of plain, but i finally centered the stupid thing after playing with codes for 2 hours. lol. i'll think of a better banner soon .. you know me and my fickleness with the layouts .. haha. well i hope you all have a good night, i need to freshen up and prepare for sleep and .. the NBA game tonight? or maybe the world cup. whatever, some sporting event. haha. catch you all on the flip side kids -- sweet dreams ;)



<3 to:
joe aka jopapa; oh mr. buble is quite awesome. "oh my love please tell me when."
christine aka the homie; oh love, you rock.
bestfriend in the universe jackie; i love how we can feel the vibe. it's nuts and you kick ass.