holy smokes !

hey friends ! well guess what .. summer's over ! haha. back to rutgers ! ohhhhh shiz. lol. well it's okay .. for the past couple of days i was @ the helpdesk tryna make an extra buck while wasting my life away back at school. lol. .. people can be so funny when they call, and then they don't know what the hell's wrong with their damn computer .. and i apologize to the resnet people for being so annoying. ^_^ lol .. all this stuff makes me appreciate commuting because if i had to live on campus and deal with the shit of the computer and stuff .. please i'd rather be fighting traffic on route 27 than deal with that. i can just ipconfig @ my house! hell yeah. lol. but i guess it's time for me to get that groove back on at school .. as much as i hate being stressed at least i get to have something to do. lol .. damn and helpdesk is madd stressful too .. i like only worked there for 2 days and it was nuts. people call and call and as soon as you put the phone down tryna type up what the hell you were talking about the phone rings again. ummm .. okay i think i'm done with working @ the helpdesk for now. lol. .. that's why i wanted to be CCF it's much more fun all you gets to do is stay in the computer lab and clean computers and stuff. sometimes it gets stressful and i'm just like damn i just hate people! but really i don't, i guess i'm just annoyed .. but being stressed really takes a toll on my usually sunny disposition. haha. =) but oh wells .. good luck helpdesk&resnet .. i promise i won't be calling you for nothing. lol. but anyways .. i sure am gonna miss the summer .. even though i didn't really do anything .. i'm gonna miss having qpids as the only thing that i had to look forward to .. some people think it's wack but it's cool dude! it was the best show and just like summer ends qpids is about to end too. [so sadness] yeah JARLA i hope you win dudes. they were are the best. heller! =)
anyways, one of the best parts of back to school is back to school shopping ! haha call me a nerd but i don't care ! =) i admit it ! i am a nerd ! lol. i got this awesome hello kitty planner from barnes and noble and it's so cool because it has pictures of little hello kitty dolls in different situations and stuffs .. and i was like .. damn ! i wan all those little dolls ! but then i thought again that it wouldn't be the same because it looks so cute when they arrange the dolls in a nice setup that totally makes it like hello kitty's rockin it like a real person. ohhh it's so cool. =) people may say that hello kitty is only for little kids but dammit when you see stuff like this it shows that hello kitty has a very versatile sophisticated style -- kind of like haute couture. =D that's right i compared hello kitty to haute couture. and anyways .. no one can rock hello kitty like i rock it. so beat that ! =) and then i realized that i have some dolls like that and what's even cooler is that they're not in my planner prolly because one of them is old school and the other one -- well iono why it's not in it i was looking for it haha. but anyways ! the strawberry one i got it old school from my best friend jackie back in like 6th or 7th grade .. it's like a collector's piece dood. i love it ! and the pink one that's in a graduation thing it came out when i graduated from high school and i had to get it ! i mean come on i graduated from high school and hello kitty did too ! yeah son ! so yeah. man i love hello kitty. i was thinking about how hello kitty collabo'ed with Julius from Paul Frank -- I WOULD KILL TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE PIECES. lol i was lookin on ebay and they don't have! so sadness. other nice hello kitty collabos that i would like to see would be -- triple 5 soul, gucci, and nike. i would kill for some hello kitty dunks. haha. [nike if you get any ideas i hope you contact me. aiiiigh!] but anywaysss .. yeah ! that and my super cool flip back binder .. can school supplies get any better? he he he ..
so i had this dream about tsunamis and hurricane katrina and it totally freaked my freak, to borrow a word from ellen degeneres. man, iono why in the summer i have such weird and vivid dreams, i guess my imagination's just getting more and more better since i'm getting older. lol. sometimes i think why i didn't go into a more vivid creative field .. then again i'm always thinking that.. but then i realized that when i was a little kid i developed this complex of me having to know things. lol. like i really like figuring things out. like if there's a knot i really wanna untie it, or if there's a puzzle i won't stop til i solve it, and plus, i love watching like csi and law and order. they're mysteries ! lol. so i guess i needa do something where i can always work at figuring things out, like research, or even just discovering problems with conflicting medications. so yeah. go science ! i think this is the end of my blog .. i forgot what else to write. oh yeah .. it annoys me when 1o year olds think they can rock expensive purses. oh and that show "my super sweet sixteen." i don't care if ciara, bow wow, pauly shore, whoever was at your party my sweet sixteen will always be more super than yours. :) diva-princesses annoy me, please get a life. =) on a final thought, 5 dollars is a lot of money. `;P

shoutouts go to ::
bestfriend jackie -- I MISS YOU TOO! hehe. i hope school is fun and yes, i most definitely enjoyed my last day of summer naps. i took like a 2 hour one today. hahaha .. i remember when you came over and you were like 'i felt really weird sleeping during the daytime for no reason.' hahaha ..
tim -- don't worry we'll go out for sushi. haha
mae -- you are an inspiration. and i mean that. =) for everything that i am and everything that i need to be .. thank you. ^_^

ps. // dream dictionary --
To dream that you are caught in a tidal wave, signifies the strength of your emotions, perhaps accompanied by tears that you are holding back in your waking life.
[.. . who ever said dreams weren't interpretive .. ]

To see muddy, violent waves in your dream, signifies that a fatal error was made in an important decision.
[too late now i'm already in pharmacy. JOKE! probably some other important decision .. lol]



peeeeeeeace.

black eyed peas -- don't lie

hello everyone ! well it is like 1 am in the morning and since i just ate at midnight i still have to digest. i'm sleepy but not all at the same time .. it's kind of weird. haha. anyways .. i thought that since i have this time i should start working on a new entry because everytime i visit my site i get a little sad when i read what i wrote. lol. but i don't want to erase it because that's how i felt at that time in the place etc. etc.. lol.
but to revise, my parents aren't as bad as i made them seem, i guess sometimes i just get a little frustrated and all .. i know every person does with their parents.. especially if you're the only one like me. but my parents are great .. and all the crap they give me is only because they love me. haha. and i guess i do get to go out .. even if it's just a little. haha. and when i say stupid stuff it's okay because they understand. haha. bottom line is, my parents are the greatest. sometimes my friends ask me, why don't i rebel and stuff so that maybe i would go out more and act like other people in my condition do. and i guess like sometimes it's really hard for me to like rebel and stuff because i have too much honor and respect for my parents and i don't like to get anyone mad, i try to be the nicest person ever so everyone is happy. and plus, a lot of kids my age died recently around where i live [one was a girl i was friends with and she was a year younger than me] and i don't ever want to rebel and then something bad like that happens because i know that my parents would be crushed and stuff like that and i don't want them to go through any more pain to raise me than they already did. haha. so yeah, that's what i mean. =)

but anyways, on to happier news, i got to go to chloe's sweet sixteen! yeay chloe! sometimes i wish i was a cotillion whore when i was younger .. i wish i was in like a lil more cotillions back in the day. maybe like 1 more. haha. but anyways, it was fun, i love watching people do the cool dances, and it was like all sooped up and everything with such a sooped up super cool modern and stuffs and even light up corsages ! wow man. lol. thanks for letting me come chloe! =)

the beautiful chloe after rockin the modern. yeehaw!

lovely mae in her long awaited modern clothes. with strings. haha

and then the next day my cousin casie got married ! yeee ! so i went to the wedding and of course it just had to be a mafia affair lols [yeah we took that picture on the right in my info at casie's wedding haha] and it was fun ! i like getting to go out of state.
it was cute that they had this pic that said 'thanks for making us brothers' of casie's son and matt's [her husband] son. awwww .. every time i go to weddings i think about my own, and how i wanna plan it, and then i realize that i'm too young and i still have to find a groom. darn !
which reminds me, i saw this really cute guy at the old navy in hudson waterway commons strip mall [or something. haha] in edgewater, new jersey! yes! across the hudson river from manhattan! he was working the morning shift today [well yesterday, because it was august 20th haha] and he was fixing the jeans in the front of the store. and he was wearing glasses! ohhh man if you're reading this cute boy please leave me a comment. =) [he he]

and then, well, that's the end of my blog. i think i'll update it more when i can think more straight. haha.
oh yeah! especially for you by MYMP was my jam first. lol. forreals, because i am a TFC addict and i was rockin to that song before everyone else here in middlesex county! yeah that's right! lol. so yeah! boo ya!
and six flags was fun, just in case you were wondering. haha. and no i didn't ride kingda ka. lol.

oh ! one more thing!

added to my collection .. asics onitsuka tigers.. mmm.

ooooh i love these. haha. i think i've found a new sneaker to love. i mean i still love dunks but they're slowly getting played out because everyone wants to be cool and wear them. but who wears tiger shoes, hmmmm? yeah i thought so. plus, some cool dunks don't come in women's sizes and if they do they're in hong kong! oh geeee .. lol. well that's about it. okay peeeeeace ..

and and and !
shoutouts go to ::
christine -- i <3 you! our adventures are super fun. =)
phananh -- lol, that would be funny.. paying people to chill for me. pharmacy.. weee!
tim -- our party's gonna be the best. lols !
mary -- nitro does make me happy. haha.

and a special one goes out to my best friend jackie. because she's the best. period. =)

i live a miserable life

hello. do you like my layout? i finally changed it. it's been a while since i updated my site .. mainly because my computer broke for a week and i couldn't really do anything but sit around like a dork. i finally got it fixed, thanks to my friend tim, the computer master, and now i'm back online. i hope you like teen titans because i do, i think they're so awesome even though i can't watch them all the time anymore. i like this picture of raven and robin -- even though starfire is really robin's partner in this story, this was still a really cute picture. but anyways .. since i'm on my site, and since it is mine, i can say whatever i want. and i have a few grievances i wish to share with my faithful public.

first of all -- i live a miserable life. now, i was explaining this to everyone, especially tim while he was fixing my computer .. just because i live a miserable life does not mean that i am miserable. actually, i try to be as positive as i can for about 75% of my time. the other 25%, well, let's just say it's not a pretty sight. but anyways, my life is pretty miserable. compared to other 18 and a half year olds, heck, even some 14 year olds live more exciting lives than i do. every day i either stay home all day and do nothing or i'm working 8 hours a day. 8 hours in what can be considered as retail hell. i haven't been on vacation since the summer after my sophomore year, and even then i went on a boring cruise to nova scotia. when i want to go somewhere with my friends -- a rarity, probably happens once a month -- i have to plan for it 2 weeks in advance, and when i stay out past 12 i get yelled at [actually, more of a deafening silence.] i have a nice car in my driveway and a full license [which means i can drive out anytime i want] and i'm not allowed to drive anywhere. seriously, i can only drive to school [rutgers, which is 20 mins away] or the mall [which is 15 mins away]. so when i go out, i have to seriously plan on how to get there and home and back and everywhere because i can't drive anywhere while my car takes up space in the driveway. people don't really ask me anymore to go out with them because they know that i'm not allowed to go anywhere. and everytime my gracious, loving friends [seriously, they are like the best people in the whole entire world] go out of their way to pick me up and take me places, i feel bad that they had to go through all this trouble. just for me. just for this one stupid person. sometimes it makes me feel so bad that i want to cry, and then i get scolded at for crying.
sometimes i try to convince myself that it's okay that i'm always home, that it's okay that i never go out. that it's okay that i don't have a social life. but really sometimes it really hurts that i can't be like normal people who have fun and enjoy the company of other human beings. like i make up excuses for myself like 'i don't have any money anyway' or 'i would probably not have fun anyway' but would i really know unless i try? and then my mom tries to make it all better and thinks that well, i didn't go out with my friends, so i might as well go out with her to some stupid place like the super market or the department store. i mean i love my parents and all but i've been hanging out with them as if they were like 18 year olds and we don't even go anywhere fun because they're so boring sometimes. i can't take it anymore.. sometimes i wish i could just run away and escape for a day, a week, a month, a year .. even just a minute .. just to feel like what it is to have some sort of fun.
and then i think to myself, when i have kids, what will i do? will my kids be as scared of me as i am of my parents? or will they rebel, and actually experience what it feels like to be a teenager. i don't even have those kinds of memories of taking roadtrips and doing stupid stuff and wasting money like young people do. sometimes i wish i was stupid so that i could just do whatever instead of being smart and studying all the time and planning for my future. but what future? how do i grow up? i don't even know what it feels like to be a kid. i feel so trapped, just staying here all the time. because i know that life is all about taking risks. but i haven't taken any.. how will i ever know? i feel like i've missed out on so many things just because i listened to my parents. do they even trust me? at all? i mean what have i done, am i some kind of serial killer? am i a felony arsonist or a felony thief or something? for crying out loud, i'm not even bad like martha stewart and she's under house arrest.
i want to see the world .. i know that there's so many things out there waiting for me. i knew i should have listened to my cousins to go away, far far away, when i chose a college. i knew i shouldn't have stayed here. but i love my friends, and i love the people i go to school with, so what am i to do? i wonder if my parents know what they are doing to me. i wonder if they know how trapped i feel in here. are they just too scared? scared that i might die, die tragically in some kind of random accident? so i should just wait ? wait until i'm too old to do anything? my youth is just slipping away.

now recently, i got a job at the mall. now i always wondered about working at the mall.. so many people do it, so why can't i? but little did i know that working at the mall is rough. the music keeps playing and slowly it's brainwashing me. it's always busy, and it just sucks sometimes. the racks are overflowing with clothes, some clothes that are just too ugly for a normal person to wear. and some people can just be so obnoxious when they don't get what they want. and people can be so sloppy too, they just put things like they don't even know what they're doing and then they wonder why it's so messy all the time. come on now ! i only have 2 hands for crying out loud. and i don't know what the problem is about wearing sneakers, everyone wears them, and mine are so cute. sometimes i think my coworkers hate me because i'm a bobo at this [lol this is the one thing i'm stupid at] and i'm still trying to learn. sometimes people can be so lazy and then they wonder why there's so many things left to do. and i promise never to take advantage of sales people and try on 20 different outfits and not get any of them. that just sucks. but i mean, i need to stick it out, because money is money, and i need the retail experience if i want a better job.

and all in all, that's i think about it.. i don't know what to say, sometimes i just feel so crappy. but hey, that's me. i hope you all have a nice day. peeeeeeace ..

oh yeah shoutouts go to CF and Christine for being awesome. =)